A friend of mine recently came back from a two week vacation. When I asked her how it was she immediately responded as follows: “I think I gained 20 pounds”. I instantly felt dismayed because this is the same self-deprecating and depressing phrase that has been uttered by many a friend, co-worker, acquaintance, and family member.
Okay, I’m not going to lie to you guys. My first thought involved wondering why I was born sans the gene that encourages one to focus on weight gain during a vacation. I mean sure, I am conscious of my figure and taking care of myself and SURE, I suffer with insecurities as much as the next gal. However, my time away is never connected to a sentiment surrounding its impact on my figure. That said, after pondering for a bit, I got a grip and began to expand my view much bigger picture or blog picture, if you will. I mean, at other times my physical body has been a huge focus for me and so the only real difference between me and my friend is the type of triggering situation [and not the reaction itself]. Does that make sense? In other words, it doesn’t matter that I don’t have that very particular experience of feeling badly about my body following a vacation because I have it at other times and the same shit applies.
The brain that focuses on weight gain after a period of rest and self-care is the very same brain that stimulates and promotes general feelings of unworthiness. The very same. Why does the brain work this way? What is it about our psyches that enables speedy transport from a place of joy and self-love to a place of despair and self-hate? Maybe that sounds dramatic to you, but I’m a big fan of calling a spade a spade. When you look at the mind and physical body as a unit and give yourself permission to focus on the negative space rather than the positive, that is a direct affront to your overall health (mental and physical).
In case you are wondering how this ties into my blog…this is the very essence of the relationship with yourself and your relationship to and with others. When we feel shitty we often shame spiral, invite in people who are undeserving of our time and energy, and/or distance ourselves from good people for fear of their judgment. So yeah, this post comfortable belongs here.
Moving on.
I usually throw some disclaimers into my posts. As you might recognize by now, these explanations are not intended to distance me from a place of accountability where my words are concerned. Thus, I must share that I am not suggesting that you should have no care for your physical health. I am not supporting a totally off-the-rails situation. I am an extremely active person and I like to think that I watch what I eat in a healthy and balanced fashion. I love me a good treat, but I keep things pretty tight during the week with plenty of protein, fruits, and veggies. I firmly believe that when we neglect our physical health, it has a detrimental impact on our emotional and mental health and vice versa. If I were to boil down all the thoughts and words I will share in the next few paragraphs, I would tell you that I am more concerned with the way in which we approach physical health (the focal point, if you will) as it connects to our overall sense of self. I am also very interested in how our desire to control such things as our eating and activity level can often lead to a sense of being terribly out of control.
I think it is also important to note that this post universally applies to men and women. I am a woman and can only speak first-hand to a female perspective, but from interactions with friends and co-workers and through extensive reading, I can easily surmise that men struggle with the very same issues, albeit a little differently. While the outward expression of the feelings may differ, men and women both fight body image issues, desire for health, feel frustrated when they fail at achieving such, and relentlessly compare themselves to societal and media-driven projections of body perfection. So, we are all in this shitty, self-conscious boat together.
In a world rife with fitness blogs, foodie Instagram accounts, diet plans, and literature galore, how can we possibly dig out of the “hole” in order to keep ourselves on a level playing field? How can we enjoy the real nuggets of joy that life has to offer without endlessly thinking about the possible negative implications? Of course I am referring to the impact on the physical being in this particular instance.
There are wonderful resources available that speak to food freedom and body image health and I would invite you to visit them and soak up all the goodness they have to offer (I’m going to drop just a couple of recos below for some folks that I think are magical in this domain). The only problem is no matter how skilled a person is at conveying their personal thoughts and feelings, their journey, and their solution, the ability to transcribe those bits of goodness to our own lives can seem an insurmountable challenge. I love reading that a particular blogger whom I admire had a lovely weekend of indulgence and rather than beating herself up, she just reset on Monday. However, I am at a loss how to instill the same feelings deep within me. How do we begin to set ourselves free from the terror that is self-loathing and self-punishment? How do we break free of the damaging cycle that is endlessly presented to us on a silver platter by the media, social media, and nearly everyone surrounding us?
This is going to sound hideously cheesy but I promise you it works so I am asking you to bear with me. I use the same principles to readjust my thinking when it comes to the mind-body connection as I do to center myself and my students at the beginning of a yoga class. This actually makes sense because yoga fosters and encourages a strong mind-body connection. When I begin a class, I tell my students to close their eyes. I invite them to imagine their body in the space in which they currently exist and to pay attention to what feels good and what might not feel so good. I ask that they scan for pain and discomfort and well as ease and symmetry. I direct them to breathe into all of the spaces, good and not so good. I remind them to leave the outside world where it belongs, outside.
The same exercise holds true when we are trying to understand our sense of self or body within the world at large or within the space cultivated by an experience (i.e. a vacation). We can easily get swept up in a swirling tundra of criticism and comparison or we can make a choice to ground ourselves with gentle and kind thoughts. That’s right, you heard it here first…it is a choice. This does not mean we should choose to see a slanted reality in which we allow ourselves to live in a state of unhealthiness or dis-ease so as to not put any pressure on our being. To the contrary, we can foster better health in the most inclusive way possible by striving for equilibrium or status quo.
This all sounds pretty hokey I’m sure so I am going to try and bring it down to earth a bit. Maybe you did overindulge on a vacation but you let yourself recognize that a brief but effective exercise in self-love and acceptance allows you to do a few things, as follows: (i) exist in a state of unfettered joy while on vacation, (ii) once the vacation has come to a close, speak freely about the joy you experienced on vacation without adding disclaimers or caveats, (ii) reset a bit in the food and fitness department without the preemptive self-reprimand, and (iv) look forward to your next vacation or experience without an overwhelming sense of dread.
There are a few ways we can show ourselves love in these very situations. Stay present. If we aren’t living in a distant past or far flung future, we can see and feel what exists in that very moment. Make a conscious choice to unplug from social media until feeling a bit better all around. Post photos from your vacation when you return, allowing yourself space. Once we go on to post photos or “check-in”, chances are we are browsing and with browsing comes comparison and brow-beating. Trust me, you are not missing anything so detrimental that a few days away is going to kill you. To the contrary, a break might be a refreshing reprieve. Remind yourself that every day is a chance for a do-over. You gained a couple of pounds? Alright. No big deal. Just jump back into your normal routine. People have reset and made healthy choices given much more dire circumstances. Every person is different and every physical body is different. Maybe that woman you following looks like a swimsuit model on vacation. Who cares? Good for her. Maybe she is naturally slender and lithe, maybe she is obsessive, or maybe she is really good at using a filter. It just doesn’t matter.
Don’t self-handicap. I can assure you that usually people aren’t paying attention to the weight you may have gained on vacation. You don’t need to feed them that information for fear they are talking about you. If they are talking about you, it is because they are catty and nasty or rife with insecurities, or a combination thereof. I know it is terrifying and awful to disconnect from what others might think of you, but do yourself a big favor and take that leap. I mean hot damn, you went on a fabulous vacation. If you had a few cocktails and some delicious food and that’s represented on your frame, consider it a badge of honor. A sign of well-earned relaxation and joy. Don’t sully something that is totally joyful.
If you feel a negative thought, try and turn it around with the silver lining. You gained a few pounds but you also lost the anxiety you were suffering with at work the few weeks before you left on vacation. Your jeans are a little tighter, but your face is sun-kissed or you’ve been exposed to a new culture you’ve never experienced before.
What I mentioned earlier about the control factor comes from personal experience. The crazier you get with yourself and the more you try and control, the less controlled you will feel. Why? Well, in truth, you are being controlled by external forces and factors. Your life is being directed by Instagram and Snapchat, and magazines and television shows. You’ll feel driven by something that might be unobtainable or if it is, it is at a cost that does not hold up. You know what control feels like? Having that glass of wine and bowl of pasta and sharing a dessert. You know what a lack of control feels like? Self-hatred. You might feel like you are in the driver’s seat, but you aren’t. The rest of the universe is dictating how you stand in the world. Come on guys…that’s definitely not the path to worthy.
One teensy step at a time. Next time you go out or go away and someone asks you about it, try leading with your feelings on the thing itself (party, conference, vacation, etc.). Until you are ready, you can add on the bit about your indulgences at the end. Then maybe one day, you won’t need to mention them at all. That’s the goal. Okay? I’m not telling you what to do but I promise you that this will feel better than a discussion about your butt or belly.
Lead with sunsets and good people. Those topics win. Every. Time.
Great sites:
Fitness- @anneacraig
Overall health- @simplysadiejane or www.simplysadiejane.com
Nutrition (FOOD)- @hungry.blonde or http://www.hungry-blonde.com
Until the next…
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 