Whenever a holiday approaches of any sort, I find myself being asked by those surrounding me [and inquiring in return] what I am doing for said holiday. Thanksgiving is rather unremarkable in that regard except that ‘what are you up to’ is often paired with another question. Notably, folks are usually curious as to whether the holiday brings with it any special tradition. Do you watch movies together? Do you sit on the couch and drink cocktails and watch football? Who prepares the food? Do you share what you are thankful for? This last one always gets me. Always.
Don’t get me wrong. I am a person who is filled with gratitude and appreciation on the regular. No, I am not exaggerating or being sarcastic. Whenever I find myself in a slump, I try and focus on what is working versus what isn’t. I try and live for what I have versus what I don’t have. I’ve spoken about this before on the blog so this shouldn’t be coming completely out of left field. That said, there is this pressure related to sharing said appreciation with others. There is this unspoken expectation that the thing you are most grateful for will naturally resonate with others. They should understand that which you are grateful for and moreover, they should approve of your choice. Family? Lovely. Friends? Delightful. A good job? Solid. Half-off my favorite mascara at Sephora? Shallow. Vapid. Crazy. You see what I mean?
Someone can swear up and down that it is more about your personal feelings of gratitude versus some universally accepted notion or idea, but we all know that’s complete bullshit. People want to hear the typical stuff. They want to know that you just like the rest of ‘em.
I bet you know what’s coming next. Do you? If not, no sweat, because I’m going to lay it out for you. Please stop giving a shit about what other people think about what YOU are personally grateful for. This is insane. This is contrary to the entire notion of gratitude. I mean, if you are grateful for absolutely nothing you might want to rethink your situation or reevaluate, but outside of that, you do you.
I am going to do something rather different from my usual grind here on the blog. Well, its similar in that I am going to lay down some real truth for you. It is a departure in that this isn’t advice per se. It’s not a ‘how to’ or ‘what I think works.’ I am going to spin for you the truth of my gratitude. I am going to do so in some inane attempt to get you to see that there is something for you to feel grateful for and NO ONE should take that away from you. You think my list is shit? Cool. It’s my list, not yours, so it doesn’t matter. I’ve gotten real comfortable with my list. Really really comfortable. I live with it. I breathe it. I exist with it. It’s mine and mine alone. Your judgment or criticism or thoughts don’t change my list because my gratitude comes from deep within me.
For Thanksgiving 2019, here are the things that make ME give thanks: my family- my mom who goes on adventures like what with me, my dad who teaches me something new every day, my sister who keeps me grounded and makes me laugh, and my niece and nephew who infuse my soul with joy with their mere existence on this planet; my friends- near and far (special shout out this year to CR who offers me a unique perspective without me needing to ask, lends a shoulder when I need it the most, and reminds me often to stop apologizing and a certain new friend who is helping me live more comfortably in the gray); my health; my home; my job and more so, certain of my co-workers; my yoga students and yoga teacher; my spiritual mentor, D; my library; Trader Joes; Laneige overnight lip therapy; my new slippers (thanks ma); the abundance of food options that New York has to offer; dance at the Joyce; Peanut Butter & Co. peanut butter (any flavor really); the Heavenly Coffee that opened across the street from my apartment; my new spin studio; BOTH of my book clubs; the ENDLESS list of shows that Netflix has to offer; my family’s house in the Berkshires; the changing seasons; the travel I have planned and my bucket list that grows ever longer and ever shorter by the year; everything about Mother Nature; and yes, I am really fucking grateful for half off my favorite mascara.
So there. Be judge-y. Just don’t be offended that I don’t give a shit. There are other things I could probably add to my list but they aren’t occurring to me right now. They will occur to me during an early morning run (thank you for reflective running gear and for my able legs), a long work day (thank you for my ability to multi-task and endlessly take on new work), or sitting around the Thanksgiving Day table with my beautiful and loving family.
This doesn’t mean my life is perfect and I only have stuff that makes me feel thankful. I mean, let’s get real, right? This just means that I am able to take stock of all the little and big things that enrich my life, make me happy, bring me laughter, or take me away when it’s all just too much. I’ve talked about dipping to find your gratitude within you before. I’ve spoken to the danger and sadness in making a choice to be ungrateful and unappreciative. I haven’t really given myself permission before this year (so I sure as hell haven’t said ‘go for it’ to you) to be thankful for whatever moves me, heart and soul.
Sometimes it helps to be focused on or strive for gratitude in those areas that are plaguing you. For example, if you are having difficulty connecting with certain others, it can be helpful to be appreciative for the connections you do have. If you are having a hard time finding a new job or moving up at your existing job, it might be lovely to feel gratitude for the stability of your current role. Outside of that sort of purposeful or goal-driven gratitude, I find it most cathartic to just allow your heart to find itself in whatever works best for you. I mean, I can make anyone a list of what I think they should be grateful for, but that seems rather self-defeating, a little egotistical, and sort of contrary to the entire point.
Our society is enormously focused on what we don’t have. Look at our advertisements or social media platforms. The entire messaging is driven by the idea that if we just do ___________, we will find nirvana. Happiness comes with getting that new job, trying that new food, joining that new gym, employing that new mantra. But does it? What if we can cultivate a true joy with the very things we already have or that which we are personally driven to work for? What if what the world tells us is THE THING is not all that meaningful to us and so we put that particular idea, thought, action, to the side for the time being?
What if we dig deep and allow whatever strikes us at that moment to move right to the surface, unphased, uninhibited, and fresh? No chastising or second-guessing. Just good old—oh yes, that’s the stuff right there…yeah yeah.
You can spend your Thanksgiving trying to find the perfect thing to say so that you take on the role of perfect son, daughter, sister, mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, cousin, employee, resident, etc. Or you can have a truly authentic holiday where you allow your free soul and heart to rejoice in that which naturally lights it up. That is truly your choice. I know what I’m here for but I don’t intend to speak for you. Have a truly blessed and lovely holiday. Thanks for following. And yeah, I mean that from the bottom of my oft confused heart.
Until the next…
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 