I was sitting in my kitchen at my new workstation and a reminder popped up on my calendar. I opened it and sure enough, it was a reminder to pack up for the gym. I dismissed the reminder but the feeling it evoked stayed with me. The feeling that accompanies the awareness of a routine left behind or set aside. An actual reminder that my life has a new routine. I realized that I function best when adhering to a routine of sorts. For all my spontaneous actions, behaviors, and decisions, an element of ‘same old’ is woven throughout my life when you examine it holistically. There is familiarity that I return to, that I cling to during the in-between bits and parts.
What is constant about a routine is that it is well…routine. I know that sounds silly, but bear with me. Most routines don’t just involve the same activities, but they involves the same sights, the same people. I don’t know what your experience has been, but often when one part of my routine is thrown off, it seems to create this ripple effect whereas everything seems a bit upside down.
I live alone and so, my solitary routine is mine and mine alone. Jog/walk in the morning, coffee and breakfast, shower, work, sketch, write, read, and maybe television. The crowds have diminished by the day (thank goodness) and so, I see fewer and fewer people when out. Without the injection of someone new who is unfamiliar to me (i.e. a neighbor walking with their kids), my routine should be very much the same in theory. And yet it feels like an outfit that doesn’t quite fit. You know, something that is my size and sort of, kind of fits, but not really? When someone asks you what you don’t like about said item, it is hard to qualify exactly what doesn’t feel “right”. You just know it is not for you. There is SOMETHING off. Something.
It isn’t just that I know this routine has diverged far from my typical. It is that everything has changed around me. I am a changeling in an ever-changing world that this much movement feels…well, crappy. But I don’t want to leave you with negativity. I don’t want you to think that I hopped on here today to make you feel worse than you already feel. I am not looking to heighten anxiety or remind you of lingering sadness you might have. I am sharing how I feel but it is really important for me to share how I am working this all out too.
A friend reminded me today that it is Robert Frost’s birthday. Of course, my mind goes quickly to one of his more famous poems, ‘The Road Not Taken’ and then very specific words seem to bounce around in my mind. They are as follows: “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”
Now anyone that has stumbled upon this oft referenced poem has surely been privy to many interpretations. Most of the explanations I am familiar with revolve around the choice to live a more mainstream life versus a choice to live a bit off the beaten path. As I have led a somewhat unconventional life in very particular ways, this is a meaning that I have held close to my heart. Now this poem has taken on a completely different meaning for me. It resonates in a way that it never really has before. Before this. Before craziness ensued. Before isolation and social distancing. Before six feet apart. Before masks and gloves and #wfh and #flattenthecurve.
The meaning it now has is multi-layered and multi-faceted. I have taken the road less traveled in that I live alone, in my little studio apartment. During this time of isolation, that guarantees me a more isolated status. I am…indeed…alone. That is strange and uncomfortable and then also familiar and very comfortable. But that is not the meaning that is most profound.
The most significant interpretation that has occurred to me is that we are all taking the road less taken right now. We are all diverting away from our routines. We are all making the choice to abandon our regular lives and normal activities. We are walking away from, albeit temporarily, the standard interactions that we have, with friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, and vendors. At least we are trying to. Most of us are. Those that aren’t mostly don’t have a choice. At least that is what I am telling myself because the alternative is wholly unappealing (selfish, ignorance, unwilling folks).
Anyway….
Our choice to take this road less traveled, this divergence from routine, is making all the difference. WILL make all the difference.
This disease, this virus, has come crashing into our road. It took a kamikaze head dive right into our everyday business. The path normally taken would latch the virus firmly to us. It would roll us all up into a messy ball and spit us out at the end, much worse for wear. We would be decimated. Sick, weary, uneasy, and broken. The path less taken is scary, but the result is a much better one. The path less taken, the path that takes social creatures and makes them isolate, gives us a plan. It gives us a way. It buys us time. It lets our scientists and medical personnel figure this shit out. It makes numbers smaller that should definitely be smaller. It sends a message that our whole is much more important than any single one of us.
So yes, we break with routine. We create new ones that feel like an ill-fitting shirt. The buttons button but something just doesn’t work. And yet, it’s a shirt. It covers us the best way that a shirt can, even an ill-fitting one. We don’t have to get used to this new routine as a forever move. We have to get used to it as a maybe just for now move. We have to take a path less taken as a way to send a poem, a love letter, to us and everyone around us.
Betcha didn’t know you were a poet. You’re welcome.
Talk to you tomorrow.
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 