I was reading ‘The Confession Club’ by Elizabeth Berg and at the beginning of one of the chapters, I stumbled upon one of the best little paragraphs. It read as follows: “Biscuit rage I call it…[I]t’s that sudden rising up of irrational and completely outsize anger you can experience when you least expect it. You know what I mean: someone takes that last biscuit that you were just going to take, and you just want to bite their ear off. It’s like road rage, only domestic.”
So yeah, I read that and laughed my ass off. I happened to love the language (you can picture the character speaking, no?) but it’s funny because it’s true. Go ahead and pretend that you’ve never had biscuit rage. I find that hard to believe. I mean, I suppose it’s possible. I suppose you could be one of those people who communicates so regularly and often in such a healthy fashion that nothing sneaks up on you. There are other scenarios that might assist a person in avoiding the experience of biscuit rage. I am clearly not one of those people or I wouldn’t be writing this post.
Outside of my personal experience, I am sharing this sentiment because I would guess that people are experiencing more biscuit rage than ever before. Why? Because we are confined, isolated, stressed, confused, and scared. When emotions run high generally, I find that there is a greater struggle to control any individual emotion or reaction. We have difficulty putting things in perspective because we simply don’t have the bandwidth. Our cups are so full with the things we are thinking about and feeling, that even a drop of something new into the equation tips the whole damn thing over.
I can’t necessary tell you how to avoid biscuit rage altogether. What I can do is suggest how to mostly avoid it, how to handle experiencing it, and what to do in the aftermath.
To start, you need to get shit out. I mean I’ve said this in like ten different ways, but it is so important that it bears repeating. I think many of us are still operating under the ‘its fine, I’m fine regime.’ Why? I am NOT. Of course I don’t want to be a complaining wench smack dab in the middle of stress town, but I do need to get out what it burdening me. I don’t get crazy and ramble and stress other people out (I think). I keep it short and honest and to the point. It looks like this: “I’m okay. I’m managing. I feel lonely and scared but I am having faith that if we do our part, this will be over sooner rather than later. How are you?” See what I mean? No one needs to hear that you are living your best life unless you really are. Actually, even if you are (and that is AMAZING), maybe think twice and consider your audience before you share that lil tidbit. There are many who function well under pressure. There are few who truly thrive in crisis without any consequence(s).
You might need to scream or cry. You might need to exercise it out. You might need to zone out on ‘Tiger King.’ Whatever does it for you, find that and do it. Again, this doesn’t prevent biscuit rage altogether. It just gives you the best shot of lesser occurrences. Much like social distancing and Coronavirus. Yes, I went there.
What happens if you lose your shit? Well, do it. I mean let it loose. Once it starts it is difficult to stop. If you feel it coming on and can employ a method that doesn’t involve another human, then do that. Walk away. If you can’t, then freak the fuck out. We all need it sometimes and really, if not now, then when? You are going to HATE this analogy but I gotta do it guys. It’s like stopping your pee once you’ve started to go. Sure, there are superheroes out there that can do this. Most of us? Good fucking luck sir and madam. Not happening. So, pee as quickly as you can. I know, not the most demure of examples, but really fucking spot on. Get it out and make it snappy. Try not to dwell. Try not to carry on.
That gets me to the after bit. This is perhaps the most challenging. You’ve wreaked havoc and now you need to fix it. This can seem like a near impossibility under the current circumstances. You’ve just freaked out on your significant other/parent/friend/co-worker/kid, etc. You are basically under house arrest and tension is running high and you’ve stirred the proverbial pot. You didn’t just poke the hornets’ nest, you cut that shit WIDE open and set them free. What now?
Well you can start by taking some space (this can be done in ANY size abode I promise you—I live in a studio apartment) to make sure that you’ve had time to reflect on why you biscuit raged your face off. That’s an important step because it you don’t do that, you are likely going to come across as fake as shit to the person you are talking to (apologizing, explaining, etc.) and you will also likely do it again.
Once you’ve [mostly] sorted yourself out and calmed down, you should apologize. Friendly tip, don’t start with “I’m sorry but…” No one wants the ‘but’ because they know everything before the but is bullshit, including the apology. Just apologize. You don’t have to be sorry for feeling frustrated or angry by something but you should apologize for biting their ear/head off for it. That’s wholly unnecessary. Truly. Even a repeat offender can be dealt with in a manner that is respectful and appropriate.
Then you should try and explain to that person why you freaked the fuck out and maybe even suggest what might help in the future. This is what that looks like: “I am really sorry I spoke to you that way. There is no excuse. I was feeling overwhelmed at work and you kept talking about the grocery order being pushed back. I was having difficulty focusing on something that was important to me and I responded horribly. If you see me answering work emails, I would appreciate you waiting until I’m done and you have my full attention before addressing something like groceries. Do you still need my help?”
Yes, I know. This is ideal. This is a script for a perfect person in a perfect situation. This may never be feasible. However, this is something you can strive for and if you make that your goal, you might get closer to an exchange that is productive and meaningful, and not at all harmful to the people you care about or people you need for some reason (i.e a representative at the cable company).
These are trying times but that doesn’t mean we can’t try.
Talk to you tomorrow.
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 