Day 15.

I was not listening to music when I was going out for my quick daily run in the morning. This is for a few reasons. When I first started my new routine just a few weeks ago, it was darker outside at the time I went out. Also, I was sort of enjoying the silence. I mean, it wasn’t entirely enjoyable because the silence spoke volumes, but I was trying to absorb the silence in a meditative sort of way. I’ve already shared that the release my runs offer ebbs and flows. Sometimes I find that the runs help me burn off certain anxieties and gives me a certain freedom. Other times the silence has felt oppressive and I can’t seem to still my mind.

Anyway, I changed that a day or so ago. First of all, it is lighter outside. So there’s that. Second of all, and this is tough to write but it’s my honest truth, the sirens that seem to be more and more frequent tend to contribute tenfold to my anxiety. I am not delusional. I know full well what is going on in the world. I don’t need an ambulance siren to remind me of the abject crisis we are in the thick of at present.

Anyway, I am mindful in the music I choose so as to not burden my brain and heart further. This is no easy task as I am usually a shuffle-random kind of gal when it comes to music and exercise. I will be listening to the soundtrack to ‘Dear Evan Hansen’ and bam, Biggie Smalls is blasting through my AirPods. I prefer things this way. Not now though. Now I have to curate my run playlist such that it is loud (drown out what I can’t bear hearing right now), upbeat, and pushes me through so I can get er’ done and get the fuck home.

This morning I decided to listen to Bastille’s most recent album. The song Divide came on and the lyrics really bounced around in my brain. Not in a stressful, anxiety-provoking kind of way. They resonated. They imprinted. The one line that really stuck with me is as follows: ‘Why would we divide when we could come together?’

Yes. HOLY SHIT yes.

I don’t know about you but I’ve been thinking about this often lately. It is one of the most prevalent thoughts cycling through my too busy mind.

I want to start by explaining again all the good shit I’ve seen around me. Like really, really good stuff. Little kids organizing fundraisers, police officers pulling people over to give them masks, artists donating 100% of sale proceeds to organizations that desperately need it right now, and so on. Events and situations that bring warmth to my tired and heavy heart.

Sadly, that is not what I want to talk about here. I am not looking to focus on the negative right now AT ALL. Call this a plea. I am begging from the bottom of my heart for us all to consider how we are acting right now and what we are doing to help the greater ‘us’ move through this thing. Why WOULD we divide when we could come together? Why do we need to stake a claim and take sides? Why is there a desire to disclaim or disprove the facts that are emerging from our medical and scientific communities? Why is there a desire to align with one politician or another? Fuck the politicians. I mean that with my whole gd heart.

FUCK THEM.

Listen to your doctors and nurses and medical techs and janitors. Listen to your EMS workers and pharmacists. Listen to those people, people. They are on the front line. They have NO REASON to lie to you. Don’t inundate yourself with it such that you have a break down. Learn just enough [as I did] to be educated and be smart. Then make a decision to unite. To be smart. To be selfless.

It’s easier to be at work? Sure it is. I live in a studio apartment and work off a laptop. It is bizarre and not my preferred spot. For real. Every time I run into a logistical challenge, I have to work my way through it. But I do.

It’s tough to be stuck inside? Sure it is. Who wants to be inside all the time? In particular when the sun finally comes out. We want to breathe fresh air and move our legs. We just want to have the freedom and right to get the fuck out. Every time I want to run longer or tack on a walk, I have to work my way through it. But I do.

It’s annoying to have to make do with what we have to avoid going out unnecessarily? Sure it is. Who wants to eat a dish two days in a row that wasn’t that great just to avoid waste? God bless the parents and significant others and caregivers out there. I am cooking for one and the “making every meal” thing doesn’t make me feel healthy and empowered. I feel bored. And I don’t even eat out much, but still. Every time I want to pop out to pick up food or something that might make this time at home “easier”, I have to work my way through it. But I do.

I don’t care if you like our current leadership or despise it. I care if you care about people. I care if you have enough humanity in you to recognize that if ever there was a time to unify and leave shit behind, this is it. I refuse to listen to squabbles and debates about the correctness of any particular situation.

There are certain facts out there and if you listen closely, those facts are available to you, just like they are to me. We don’t know how impacted we are by this because there aren’t enough tests to make that determination and there are a good deal of asymptomatic folks. We DO KNOW that it is bad. We do know that COVID-19 spreads like wildfire. We do know that staying home will make an impact. We do know that our medical community and essential workers need our praise and support more than ever. These are facts my friends, not opinions. The rest of the shit…numbers needed, statistics, etc. Those are predictions. I have my own opinions, but I will keep them to myself.

But there are facts. The sooner we accept them and come TOGETHER (unified) the better chance we have here. Doesn’t that appeal to each of you? Isn’t that more important than which party we are voting in/for? I mean goddamn it, you should keep some of this shit in mind when you vote this November but that’s your business. Right now what is more important is how we love each other. How we show each other that love. How we lift each other up and move through this beast of a thing.

I feel pretty good about us. Not about everyone, but enough of us to be hopeful. Let’s not be divided. You can go your separate ways when we emerge on the other side of this. For now, let’s find each other in the dark.

Talk to you tomorrow.

L.