I saw this tweet from Andrew Cuomo this morning whereas he advised the public that “[W]e are only in the first wave. We can’t assume that because we are seeing some positive signs this will be over soon or that additional waves won’t hit. NYS will not underestimate this enemy.”
Let’s get a few things out of the way. No, this post is not political in nature. Yes, it made me queasy reading that. No, this post is not about COVID-19. WHAT?! Yup, it’s not.
Okay, that’s done.
For once when I read an anxiety provoking post concerning COVID-19, my thoughts didn’t stay on COVID-19. My thoughts went elsewhere. I thought about how we generally make decisions in life based on the preliminary information we are given without significant thought to what might come after. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know there are some fellow anal retentive folks out there who think a few steps down the road like myself. That said, even I tend to take a little leap based off the initial feedback I receive.
I talked about this ages ago, but this is where the pause is incredibly necessary. This is a different discussion than the one that focused on that moment of “rest” that is incredibly useful if we wish to respond appropriately to a stimulus. This is a discussion of what it means to underestimate a situation or a person or people.
You’ve probably done that at least once in your life no? I was talking to my parents about someone the other day. This is going to sound awful, but I want to keep it real, so…I used the phrase “______ is really not that bad.” I took information that I had received through a recent interaction and I used it to broad stroke this individual’s character. You know what I also did? I erased my entire past experience, with this person and with similar folks. I also gave no thought to the possibility of what our future interaction could hold, outside of the assumption that this ONE interaction would set the entire tone.
Um, WHAT?!
I know. How could I be so silly? Given my past experiences, my heartache and disappointment, how could I possibly have given someone the benefit of the doubt? Well let’s hang on for just a minute. The benefit of the doubt isn’t such a terrible thing if someone has earned it or alternatively, if they haven’t done any thing to lose it. It also isn’t a great thing. I know, I am shattering your hopes and dreams by suggesting that no one is worthy of the benefit of the doubt.
That’s not exactly what I’m saying. I am not advocating for bitterness or hopelessness. In fact, if you’ve read this blog before then you know that I am anything but that person. I like to see the good in people and hope that they prove me right. Okay, so what am I talking about, right? Well, the benefit of the doubt is the withholding of judgment to keep a more favorable opinion of someone or something. At a minimum, the benefit of the doubt puts something or someone squarely into neutral territory. That sounds great and I am on board with that concept in theory. The problem is that in actuality, that is not how we apply this ‘benefit.’ The benefit of the doubt actually turns into a scenario whereas we give people or situations an unnaturally wide berth in which to operate. We trigger or turn on cognitive biases that back us into a more positive or neutral feeling, rather than accepting what is in front of us.
I might have lost you with those last few sentences so I’m going to do like I do, and give you a real time example of what I’m talking about. I decide a colleague of mine is basically a good and generous person and ultimately, has my best interest at heart. After I’ve made this determination (aka giving them the benefit of the doubt), they do something incredibly disloyal and disrespectful that puts me in a bad position. Rather than viewing them anew, I decide that I must be overreacting to the situation or reading it incorrectly, in order to maintain my view that they have a heart of gold. You’ve done this before, no?
Many times when this occurs we don’t share the so-called outlier situations with people around us because deep down inside, we know that these are not really outliers, but rather qualities and traits and actions that might challenge the benefit of the doubt we’ve extended. In my experience, I almost feel guilty when I run through these situations. I know, that sounds loony, but it’s true. I feel badly for rethinking my position on that person or situation.
You realize this is a form of self-sabotage, right? This is truly the definition of underestimating the enemy. Please don’t read me wrong here. I am not suggesting that someone who diverges from your warm and fuzzy feelings of them should be deemed an enemy. I am more so advising that these behaviors and thoughts will ultimately hurt you far worse than anyone else. If you keep holding fast to a misconception of someone or something, the reality of it will pummel you and not stop (think into the ground here) until you get to a place of acceptance. You will be taken to your knees, to a place where you will have no choice but to accept that you misjudged. By then, you will feel pretty badly about yourself. I mean maybe you won’t, but I did, I have.
So how do we work out of this self-destructive patterning without swinging fiercely to the other side of trusting no one and nothing? Well, we float a little bit of reasonableness out there. I am going to go back to COVID-19 for just a minute because it is so unbelievably current. Governor Cuomo is not being all doomsday. He is being REALISTIC. He acted PRUDENTLY. These are words we are not always comfortable with because we believe they are synonymous with pessimism. They are NOT. I promise you.
He is not saying the end of the world is near. He is saying, let’s take each day as it comes. Let’s stay informed. Let’s continue to follow protocol until someone who should make the decision (i.e. Fauci) tells us otherwise. Let’s feel good about the positive news we hear, but consider it within the context of the much bigger picture. Let’s not lose our shit and run through the streets hugging each other just because the cases are tapering a little. Let’s just stay hopeful, do what we are supposed to do, and await further information.
So that’s it, if you missed it in my montage of words I laid at your feet. When assessing someone or something, stay hopeful, do what you are supposed to do (you know, like living your life, working your job, and loving your people), and await further information to tell you what’s really in front of you. If you have past information on someone or something, you don’t need to use it to tank you, but you should be aware. Back to COVID-19. If we look at other countries, the information available would tell us to follow protocol and tread lightly. To that end, we don’t even have enough information yet (outside of past pandemics and other serious illnesses) to talk about the ‘what then.’ This is truly a one day at a time thing.
What’s so wrong with taking things slow? Who told you that people and situations need to be immediately judged, lest they slip away from you? I can tell you one thing I know for sure, if someone or something slips away because you refuse to latch on immediately, run. Don’t walk. RUN.
Talk to you tomorrow.
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