This morning my mom mentioned to me that my dad stated that everyone’s dust is different. Then she asked me what I thought my dust looked like. I didn’t hesitate. I told her that I thought my dust was sparkly and smelled faintly of vanilla. In return, she shared that her dust was filled with colorful thread. We then agreed that my dad’s dust was not very colorful and probably smelled like bagels. This is not because my father is overwhelmingly attracted to the ever-popular circle-shaped carbohydrate. There might not even be an easy way to describe the reason why we landed on that particular descriptor. Just seemed sort of perfect. And that was that. And we were filled with love when we said it.
We finished our conversation and then I went back to sipping my iced coffee and lazily scrolling through social media. Just a few minutes in and my mind wandered back to our exchange. I simultaneously thought two things, in this very particular order: (i) I enjoy that my mom and I can have these types of exchanges (little explanation, large flights of fancy) and (ii) I wonder what other people’s dust looks like.
I actually want to explore both of these points, if you’ll allow me.
There is something quite magical about having a conversation with someone where you don’t need to throw out disclaimers. You don’t need to qualify your words or explain your stance. You get to close your eyes, take a deep breath, and just jump. There is something entirely freeing about that. That is not to say that I enter and engage in every single conversation I have with an agenda. That is just to say that most conversations require two parallel tracks. There is the thought that you wish to express and the thought about expressing that thought.
I am not claiming that talking to another human is a deeply burdensome or stressful experience. The power of the human brain is that these dual thought tracks tend to run in tandem. When the subject of an interaction is particularly heavy there might be a noticeable pause, but for the most part, smooth sailing. The ability for a regularly functioning human brain to process thoughts to enable the expression of them is pretty fucking awesome. It’s a goddamn machine at work is what it is.
Anyway, the ability of two brains to “agree” on the direction of any particular conversation with fewer words shared and more left to the imagination is pretty spectacular. This can happen randomly with folks or it can happen often with two people who are uniquely connected. That’s me and mom. I have no doubt it is because she helped make me and we share DNA, but nonetheless, it’s pretty awesome. Cool, good for me, right? Well, my point is that if you happen to have this symbiosis with someone, I might encourage you to occasionally take a step back and have a little appreciation for this phenomenon. Allow the wonderment of the human brain to wash over you. Feel gratitude for having this special kind of connection with another human. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mom, dad, sibling, husband, wife, friend, or co-worker. Enjoy the connection it evidences. It’s rare and special.
Let’s move onto the dust. Actually, we don’t have to move on per se, as the dust is peripherally linked to the topic of connected brains. Although my mom and I never specifically articulated this thought (so I can’t prove a consensus), I think our dust is what makes us, us. Our dust is what we would look like if you stripped everything else away and were able to get to the very essence of a human. Our dust is not our history or our personality. It is that first sprinkle of an encounter before words have ever been spoken. It’s the impression of a person. Not the personal brand someone has perhaps curated. The type of branding that occurs outside of the will of a person. Innate.
I am fairly certain that at this moment you are wondering what the fuck I’m talking about and what it has to do with anything. Or maybe you think I’ve been on lockdown for too long. I’m good. I assure you. I am going to share my point with you in the most concise way I can and then I’m going to expand on that just a little. It is a meaningful exercise to explore what your dust looks like. An awareness of your dust allows you to connect in a real way to who you actually are and not who you wish to be or who you show the world. There might be very small differences between these three people (your internal self, your hopeful internal self, and your external self) but there is almost always some difference.
Before I go any further, I want to make sure that you know that this is not a lecture whereas I encourage you to be your most authentic self. Of course, I feel that way but I know from personal experience that is a lofty ask that doesn’t just happen because you read a profound blog post. I am actually not even jumping to that “step” just yet. I am not even going to give you a really profound step-by-step set of instructions to explore and identify your dust.
I’m just here to tell you a couple of things about your dust that I think are really, really important. Ready for the first bit? Your dust DOES NOT CHANGE. It doesn’t. Your dust isn’t tainted and colored by life decisions and experiences. Your dust is immovable. This is not a negative thing. This is one of the most positive facts around. When you feel like you’ve lost yourself, when life has taken you on and dragged you down, and when you feel like you are at your lowest points, your dust is still there, swirling inside of you. It is your essence. When you feel turned inside out, you can hang onto the idea that the YOU part of you is still in there somewhere. It might be buried deep. It might be underneath layers of self-betrayal and harm and fear and even anger, but it’s in there.
Also, and this might be the most important, you get to choose who sees your dust. I am not suggesting you should put up a front or be fake with people. I am only telling you that you can be selective about who you SHARE your dust with. Let people see you for who you are, but an examination of what makes you tick…save that for people who have earned it. Let your YOU shine through but your dust? Only let special people talk about it, focus on it.
I am my snarky, warm, loving, giving, tough, funny self with people I meet. My sparkle? That just gets shown to a select few. Your dust is precious. Choose wisely.
Talk to you tomorrow.
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 