I was watching the show ‘Virgin River’ (warning: do not watch unless you are a hopeless romantic like myself) and one of the main characters said something that really knocked around in my head after I heard it. Ready? Here it is: “the view is always better from the high road.” So simple but so profound.
The reason those words really stuck with me is because I often want to take the high road or do take the high road but struggle with my decision to do so. I want to give you a specific example right up front so you know what I’m talking about.
I have a friend who I’ve become close with over the last year. Extremely close actually. I’ve found myself talking to him for hours on end and confiding in him in ways that I wouldn’t or haven’t other folks. He’s pulled away lately. Taken a step back. Been less available and in touch less often. He told me that he tends to get distracted and distanced when he’s working a lot (he’s a creative type) but I can’t help but wonder if there’s something else.
Many, many times in my life, I’ve confronted this type of behavior head on. Well, not straight away. Usually I circle the drain for a bit. I overthink and stress out. I wonder and ponder and stir up feelings of abandonment, fear, and anger. I know you might be thinking ‘too much’ right now, but I am just telling you like it is. Eventually, when my anxiety and sadness has gotten the better of me, and I’ve ratcheted myself up to a full lather, I confront the situation. This comes in two forms, generally. I either unravel completely with tears and pleading or anger or I passive aggressively try to hint around my feelings in the hope that I’ll break that person down and they’ll address the situation.
I’m sure you are shocked to hear that neither of the tactics I just described are particularly fruitful. Actually, that’s being generous. Normally they blow up in my face for a variety of reasons.
Sometimes it’s because the writing is on the wall and I’ve chosen to ignore it. Thus, the conversation I have with that person turns into an awkward and painful confirmation of what I ALREADY KNOW. If someone is completely MIA without touching down to earth and every bit of communication feels unnatural and forced, that’s your answer. You can continue to push, but it gets awful lonely pushing that big ol’ emotional rock by yourself. Trust me. It’s sad, but accept that the situation was no bueno and start the process of closing the door. I’m a rip the band-aid off in one shot kinda gal these days, but it’s your call. Either way, put one foot in front of the other and walk in the other direction. Maybe find a friend to walk towards. I find that this helps.
Sometimes, and I know this is going to come as a shock to you, I jump on something too soon. Due to my massive lingering fear of abandonment, I immediately doomsday a situation. I make it the worst thing possible and so I tend to take that person off-guard with my reaction, or overreaction. I’ve allowed myself to spin out and they are just stuck in their head at that moment. Maybe they were just feeling overwhelmed with life and now I’ve mind fucked them into a full retreat.
Sometimes things have legitimately changed and that person wants me to go with the flow. They haven’t left. They’ve changed the rules. Then, I have to do the work to figure out if the new paradigm works for me. That’s where self-reflection and honesty is paramount. Lip service does not breed anything but heartache. I can want to be the person who accepts this new normal, but maybe it gives me a bellyache. There are times in life when you have to be brutally honest with yourself and admit that just because you want to be a person who is chill with something, doesn’t mean you are, and that’s really okay. There are times the change is a good one. One of my best friends in the universe came to me through this kind of change. I found that I was able to ride the wave of the transition in our relationship and come out happy on the other side of it all. That is not always the case. It takes honesty, real self-exploration, and sometimes it takes a little time. I might think a situation is okay but in time it feels less okay. Reserve the right to change your mind based on your heart and gut. The ability to do so and give yourself permission to do so freely, is key.
Cool, I’ve given you a lot of information, but how does the high road connect here? Well, you might not like what I have to say here kids, but the high road is whatever road you take AFTER you’ve had a chance to do some serious self-exploration. The high road is not where you find yourself if you immediately react or if you let things build and then snap. The high road is the response or reaction that comes when you’ve had a chance to meaningfully think through something and decide which course of action best serves you.
How does this “high road” give you the best view? Well, you have the benefit of perspective. You’ve cleared the gloom and fog with a bit of valuable perspective. The high road is not always going to be the most fun path and you may not avoid some sadness or pain or anger, but it will nearly always get you to a place where the world makes greater sense to you.
A quick reaction or overreaction only gives you the benefit of seeing that moment, those feelings, that situation. The high road, the long game, gives you the full picture. Snap judgment? I’m angry because someone is pulling away so I lose my mind. I feel embarrassed and unsatisfied by my behavior and the interaction I have with that person. The high road? I get to see that nothing is served in a confrontation and although it stings at first, my life will be better once that person has been moved out of my field of vision. I’m clearer. I’m free.
The high road, much like the path to worthy, is not an easy one. It takes practice. It takes time. It takes patience. But like the path to worthy, it gives back to you in spades. I promise you that.
Take the high road just once today and see how that feels. Maybe not five minutes later, but a week or so later.
Talk to you tomorrow.
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 