Days 82 and 83.

Today is a double-up kind of day. First of all, I have a lot to say about something (which is shocking, I know). Secondly, tomorrow is my pop’s birthday so I’m going to be disconnecting from everything to celebrate the crap outta him. I don’t do that often, but he’s totally worth it.

I had a different topic in mind for today but then I saw a post on social media and felt like I had no choice but to address how I felt while reading it. It was fairly simple and read as follows: “To all the people posting about how great their lives are right now…your privilege is showing.” We all know that privilege is a topic that is near and dear to my heart, right?  I wrote about it not so long ago. But do you want to know the reaction I had when I read this particular nod to the privilege that exists in our society? I felt disgusted and disappointed.

You might be confused right about now so I am going to try and clear things up. Let’s start with all the things I know, or at least I think I know.

Privilege comes in all different shapes, sizes and forms. There is privilege attributable to race, socio-economic status, education level achieved, gender, religion, and so on and so forth. There is privilege that is more benign and privilege that is decidedly harmful. People can be raised privileged or they can come into privilege. So yeah, there is a wide gamut when it comes to privilege. Some of us fall into one category of privilege and some of us fall into many.

We’ve chatted here before about the basic concept of privilege; in that it gives special rights or advantages to certain groups of people. Privilege in itself can be tough to swallow because it is indicative of discrimination or oppression. Give advantages to a certain ______ due only to _____ and you are automatically failing to serve or support the group on the other side of that coin.  But is privilege itself the offensive ‘thing’ or is it what is done as a result of privilege?

I have been feeling a bit down the last few days. I’ve been feeling lonely and frustrated and sad. A yoga student of mine offered to take me on his boat to see the sunrise and I gleefully said yes. And you know what? I am so glad I did. It was glorious. There was sufficient room to maintain social distance, and I was able to see the moonset, the sunrise, and Mother Nature in all her brilliant glory. I was keenly aware that I am healthy, as is my student. I know that we are both currently employed. I know that he has sufficient resources (earned through hard work, as an aside) to have and maintain a boat. I know we live in an area that affords us easy access to the water. I know all of these things, and still, I had a fucking awesome morning. The weather was perfect, the company was great, and the scenery was soothing to my soul.

I felt so much gratitude. I was grateful for all the things I’ve already mentioned and then more. For example, I was extremely grateful for my student’s generosity. I was so appreciative and also aware of how lucky or privileged we both are.

The world is suffering right now. Does that mean that if I am not suffering at any given moment, I cease to exist as an empathetic and compassionate human? Does my joyful and fulfilling morning mean that I don’t care about the suffering experienced by others? If I allow myself to be happy, does that mean I am no longer able to support #blacklivesmatter? Does my relaxation mean that I don’t care that people are sick, unemployed, or homeless? Does my morning negate any good that I have done?

No. I don’t think so. And no, that is not coming from a place of privilege or haughtiness. I think our society is drowning in strife, unrest, and criticism. I know it is. I know there are areas that require change. BIG and lasting change. I do think that it would be beneficial to avoid criticizing each other when it comes to what path someone is choosing to take to get there.

I truly don’t think I need to even say this at this point, but I will, because, I will. I am not suggesting that I support hatred, ignorance, or violence. I don’t. I haven’t. I never will. Any expression of those feelings or actions should be denounced without question. I am saying that feelings and actions are not a one-size- fits-all situation. Read that again. They are NOT one size fits all.

I know that where I am concerned, I need to take time to process things occasionally. I might feel a certain way immediately, but I am unsure how I want to react or act. I don’t know what I want to do to express those feelings. I’m not sure what I want to do to help. I always get to a place of decision, but sometimes my path is a little more bendy and little less straight forward. I don’t make a decision based on what is popular or good for someone else exclusively. I make a decision based on what feels good and right to me. For me. I choose to do the things that I can commit to, that I want to commit to for the long run.

I’ve seen several memes and gifs that support this notion. Words that decry ‘you do you’ and ‘don’t judge what others do’, but honestly, it seems like a load of horseshit, because what I see in greater magnitude is the criticism. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? Some bloggers had a couple of days of posts that addressed current events and then went back to their regularly scheduled programming, AND they got ripped to shreds. How dare they pretend to care for a minute! But, was that what it was? What if we looked at it differently? What if we acknowledged that a blogger doesn’t deserve an award for giving a shit about other people, but maybe it was a toe dip in a bigger pool. Maybe she isn’t used to speaking out, having an opinion (on current events), risking alienating followers etc. Again, I’m not handing out a trophy, but doesn’t it feel better to say ‘it’s something. It’s not amazing, but something is better than nothing.’

Does it hurt to do that? I mean it does if it slows momentum or muddies the waters, but does it otherwise? I don’t think so. I truly don’t. Some actions do have a negative impact. Making a HUGE issue like racism a hashtag to be abandoned tomorrow is shitty, counterproductive, and unacceptable. Positive reinforcement for a spot of good in the hopes it snowballs into a bigger spot? Good stuff.

What if we built each other up instead of tearing each other down? I know I keep sending a similar message across, but that’s only because it is so freaking important. If it were bs, I would walk away from it, but it isn’t. You know how I healed from all the broken and awful shit in my life? Myself. Me. You know what else saved me? All the beautiful people in my life who raised me up. They didn’t criticize me because I didn’t get to things sooner or handle shit more gracefully or do things the way that they would do them. They just patted me on the back, dried my tears, and helped me up again.

Things are incredibly shitty right now all around. They are shittier for some over others. Be mindful. Be respectful. Be honest. But yeah, let yourself have a good day. It’s not a testament to your privilege. It’s just a good fucking day.

Talk to you soon.

L.