Part V- Attempters
I’m ending this week of ‘ers on a high note my friends. That’s the way it should be, no? That’s the way I want it to be. What’s an attempter? Well, it’s nothing you’ll find online (I don’t think) because I sort of made it up. I mean, maybe I didn’t and I’m certainly not looking to take credit from another human. I just know that it popped into my head from my exploration of the ‘ers this week and not because I read about it or watched a video on it. An attempter is someone who sees every ‘er category that they fall into and decides that they want to make a change. They want to step away from all the ‘ers. They want to strip down to the good stuff. The scary stuff. The real stuff.
Attempters decide that they won’t enable or be enabled. They won’t manipulate or be manipulated. They aren’t looking to be a martyr or take advantage of a martyr. They might even call a martyr out in the most loving way possible. An attempter doesn’t deny. Not ever. Not even a little. An attempter recognizes that in order to aspire to something bigger and better and truer, they need to face what exists today. They need to be accountable. They need to be brave. They need to be honest. They need to see themselves as the flawed but fabulous humans they are.
This is not easy. This is the hardest but best category which is why I saved it for last.
Aren’t all people attempters in the way in which they live? Day by day? Nope. Sorry to burst that bubble but it’s important for me to tell you that. Who does not fall into the category of attempter? Well, for starters, those who are steadfastly devoted to any of the ‘ers we’ve discussed and a million others I failed to mention. Any learned or inherited behavior that doesn’t serve you or others that you refuse to examine brings you leap years away from being an attempter.
People who claim that they are beyond help? Not attempters. The opposite of attempters. Those people have essentially given up. They’ve resigned themselves to treating people like crap and/or feeling shitty (and likely both). Not only are those folks not attempters, but I would strongly advise that you are careful around them. They can be damaging to someone with less resolve. They can be dangerous in their commitment to the ‘same old.’ They can feel threatened by your (or others’) growth and want to dissuade you from staying on that path. They might not even realize they are doing it. They are just so unhappy that they are spiraling out (hurt people, hurt people) and you just happen to be in their path of destruction. Keep your eyes open for those folks.
You might be close with a non-attempter and have difficulty imagining separating from them. I get it. I really and truly do. It can be brutal. You don’t need to let go entirely. In fact, you don’t need to let go at all. You really don’t. You just need to be strong enough to resist the pull. The negativity. If you aren’t, then put a little space between you and that human that you care about until you have the strength to stand beside them and keep your own commitment to attempting.
People who acknowledge their faults and flaws and constantly do the work in whatever way they can to get to a better place? Attempters.
Being an attempter isn’t neat and organized. It’s far from perfect. It’s messy and upside down sometimes. It really is. Sometimes those who are attempting don’t look like that from the outside. So try not to judge too quickly. Wait. Observe. Listen. Better yet, just worry about yourself. The only thing you need to worry about with non-attempters is that they will harm you or tear you off your path to worthy. You don’t need to control them or get them to see what you see or believe what you believe. Each person deserves their own journey.
I’ve recently been exploring this and it is one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done but I feel really confident that it will be one of the most rewarding. I’m scaling back on the arrogant notion that what is good for me is good for others. I’m dialing down the thought that everyone needs to be on the same path as me. I’m taking back the idea that I’m right and others are wrong.
Everyone gets to where they want to be in their own time and own way. This might look painful and insane to you, but you have to separate to the best of your ability. I am doing it. It sucks sometimes but you know what, it also feels good. It does. I no longer “take the bait” when it’s thrown my way. Or sometimes I do, but it’s a less frequent situation. That’s a big step for me guys. Not little. Fucking massive. I’ve always taken the bait. My ego, my sensitivities, my desires, have pushed me to correct, fix, offer advice. That is not the life or work of an attempter.
An attempter can (and should…) work for justice. That justice should not come in the form of trying to fix everyone else’s life. Worry about yourself. Dedicate you to you.
Of all the ‘ers, this one is truly the most life changing in the most magical way. Why? Well, I want to harken back to when I first started graduate school, the first time around (yes, lots of laughs and sighs there). I remember my parents teasing me that my desire to do well seemed to far exceed my energy and thoughts when I was an undergraduate student. I mean, I definitely cared as an undergraduate, but it wasn’t the same. You know what my dad told me? He explained that he believed that I cared more because I was older and wiser, but then also, because it was on me. I was singularly financially responsible for my graduate school experience. Cool, what does that have to do with anything? Well, when you own your life and take responsibility for things, you get a sense of satisfaction that does NOT exist when others rule your life and emotions. Along the same lines, there is no satisfaction in shaping someone else’s existence (unless they are your kid—and that’s a discussion for another day). Make a commitment to you. Be an attempter. The results will astound you. Even when you take baby steps, the rewards will feel endless and infinite. Give it a shot. You can do it. I know you can.
Have a great [holiday] weekend.
Talk to you Monday.
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 