Hiya. I know you’ve missed my song references. You have, right? I knew it. Well don’t you worry your pretty little heads. I got you.
The inspiration for this ‘er came to me when I was listening to the ‘top hits’ that Apple Music picked out for me this past weekend. Natalie Taylor released a song in 2015 called ‘Surrender’ and in true form and in accordance with the fucked up rules regarding what’s trending, it became popular on social media in…um, 2020. I don’t know what kick-started or inspired this rerelease. I am only familiar with it because Apple told me to be. Oh and because the social media-verse made it an anthem for all things tragic.
I’m not trying to take away your ability to have a good cry to this song because it there ever was a year to bawl your eyes out, it is clearly 2020. I just want to present a different point of view. As an aside, I did not come to this perspective based on these song lyrics. They simply reinforced how I feel about this issue or perhaps they reminded me. In just a lil’ I’m going to describe how I first recognized and accepted my feelings on this topic, but we aren’t quite there yet.
Anyway, the song lyrics are pretty simple but here are the words that really grabbed me:
“Whenever you’re ready, whenever you’re ready
Can we, can we surrender?
Can we, can we surrender?
I surrender
No one will win this time”
Reading those lyrics, you know what grabbed me? The link between a surrender and no one winning.
Okay, I said a little later and voila, little is here. Or maybe later is here? Anyway…I think my story is the perfect way to explain what I’m talking about in a rather simplistic fashion. My firm was named in a litigation a few years back. I won’t get into the details for the sake of privacy and your ability to stay awake for the rest of this post. Needless to say, the litigation was baseless. Truly. I’m a fair human and I’ll be the first to analyze and share all sides. In the case of this action, the claims were ridiculous. However, after I performed a risk analysis, I recommended that my company settle with the plaintiff. That did NOT go over well. How could we settle when we knew we were right? How could we let them get away with their offensive and irresponsibly litigious behavior? How could we waive a white flag and surrender? How could we let them WIN? I’ll tell you how. We were going to fully absorb the knowledge that we would spend way more money fighting their groundless claims than we would if we could handle settlement negotiations properly.
Makes good sense right? Yes. Things that make good sense are always easy to accept, right? Negative.
I was met with a lot of resistance when I voiced my recommendation. Do I blame those who put up a fight? Not even a little. I got it. I get it. It can be disheartening (to say the least) to throw in the towel when you feel like an injustice is occurring. In fact, sometimes folks don’t even want to perform a risk analysis when they feel strongly about the need to ‘win’ or ‘conquer’ because they don’t want to be talked out of or into anything. Sure. Yup.
However, we know by now that things are not so cut and dry. We are often faced with choosing the best of the worst. Traveling down the path of least resistance. Giving a little to get a little. Sacrificing. Are you sensing a theme in all of those descriptors? Our language is structured such that we acknowledge the negative. Always. I’m not suggesting that we should ignore the ‘give’ in any of these situations. I’m merely throwing out there that perhaps a spotlight is unnecessary. Maybe we don’t need to do the whole ‘fall on the sword’ bit whenever we make a decision to surrender.
Yes, I called it surrendering. It is. That’s what it feels like anyway, doesn’t it? Aren’t we yielding? Don’t we concede? I mean, sure. But what if we shifted our thinking to see things differently. What if we determine that no one is ‘winning’ (yup, brought you right back to my lyrics—as you knew I would)? What if we decide that there is no winner and no loser, but just smart and tough, but necessary decisions to be made? What if, instead of saying the firm was allowing a scam artist to ‘win’, we acknowledged that the firm protected itself for a nominal fee? What if, instead of saying that the company was ‘losing’, we recognized that all exposure related to that issue had been eliminated? What then? Well, then surrendering takes on a whole new meaning.
Sometimes we can take a step back and allow an action to occur that may not be ‘ideal’ but is definitively in the realm of ‘for the greater good’. This is not surrendering to the other person or situation necessarily. You know what it is? Surrendering to fate. Surrendering to the whims of the universe. Surrendering to things that are beyond our control.
Don’t get me wrong as this action is not synonymous with relinquishing ALL control. To the contrary, it is taking decisive action that allow you to unstick. To move forward. To walk away. To disengage.
Great. How do you do it? How do you surrender? When do you surrender? How do you know it’s the right time or situation? Well, it should come as no surprise to you that there is no clear-cut answer to these questions I’m throwing out to you right now. You have to feel your way through it. You can start as we do in so many of these predicaments or life challenges, by identifying your threshold considerations. What is most important for you? What can you ‘give’ on and what can you not afford to ‘give’ on? What is YOUR point of no return?
Here’s a tip: be really brutally honest with yourself. I mean, be honest with others too, but if you can’t, do NOT lie to yourself. If giving up something is going to topple you, then reconsider your options. If you can muddle through with good old-fashioned hard work and maybe some support in the form of friends or professional help, then do it. If you cannot conceive of a peaceful existence after you give up _____, go back to square one. Do not pass go. Do not pay $200. Just give everything a nice long rethink. You have nothing to prove. Surrendering in any situation only brings positive power if it connects with your truest self. If you lose yourself in the process of surrendering, there is literally no point at all.
With ALL of that said, don’t shy away from surrendering. Don’t make excuses. Don’t tell yourself you aren’t strong enough when you haven’t even tried. Don’t. Also, don’t equate my beauteous surrendering with the art of giving up. Two totally different worlds. A resignation to how YOU are or how THINGS are is not the kind of surrender I’m talking about. A failure to work on yourself is NOT surrendering. It’s just plain ol’ giving the fuck up. It’s, well, kind of lame. I can say that because I’ve done it. You know? The kind of surrender I’m referring to is powerful, empowering, peace-making, life changing, and well, freeing.
Have you waved your white [freak] flag lately?
Talk to you tomorrow.
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 