Welcome to Friday my friends. Are you sick of me yet? I hope you aren’t sick of YOU. Maybe you aren’t tired of you because you haven’t had a chance to get to know you yet. That happens. Sometimes we feel good because we are living in a fantasy land. I get it, I do. I just encourage moving out of that as soon as you can. While the dream world feels a lot calmer and more peaceful, it will cause you a ton more pain in the long run. I promise you. Most of the upheaval in my life was caused because I ran as far and as fast from the truth as my little legs would take me.
Today we are going to talk about how you move away from the people and things who don’t fit your WHO. This is assuming that you’ve gotten to know your WHO in a real and meaningful way. This is recognizing that you want to express that WHO and live a life that is most respectful of and dedicated to that WHO. That is not a given and I am not here to judge you. Maybe you have no interest in that, and that’s cool. Maybe these last few posts were just an entertainment factor for you or filler until you reach next week. Also okay. Maybe you want to find your WHO but you are too terrified.
If you have thoughts or are thinking things like ‘my WHO sucks’ then you don’t get it at all. If you think that your WHATs are more meaningful than your WHO, you also don’t get it. Start over. If your WHATs are front of the line, that means you are still comparing yourself to others and failing to measure up. That means you are still consumed by what people think of you.
Here is something that has been a very hard lesson for me and I’ve faced a lot of criticism from various friends and co-workers and significant others for expressing it: being a good girl/boy and doing things to maintain others opinion of you that are contrary to who YOU are doesn’t make you better, it makes you a door mat. People will not respect you. They will trample you and take advantage of you. And when you finally decide to stand your ground, look out. They will be so angry. Still worth it. Still worth standing up and saying what you have to say and having your own opinion.
I know you want to find exceptions here. Trust me, I get it. You want to tell me that what I am saying is true except for __________________. Nope. I’ve had all the therapy (and still do) and I read the books and I live my life. I can tell you that there is no exception. You cannot permit some people to treat you a certain way and then not allow the same treatment by others. First of all, once you’ve cracked the door, the wind of your self-betrayal will likely throw it all the way open. That’s just the truth. Either that or you will be an unnecessary hard ass with the people you are not afraid of losing. That’s just how we are built my friends. We are enclosed entities. Vessels. We can bury emotions, we can shift them to other places, but eventually they have to come out. Either we express them in ways that serve us, or not.
I want to throw in one caveat or point to consider that I’ve described before. When it comes to work, we might have less flexibility than in other situations. When we are met with resistance or a ‘no’, we might have to just accept such. However, the art of respectfully and appropriately attempting to be loyal to your WHO, that attempt should always be there. It will be noticed. It might not change things immediately, but it will cause a shift, even if a subtle one. For example, I might tell my boss that I’m a team player and I will do what needs to get done but ______ makes me uncomfortable. I don’t say it in a pouty, self-serving way. I’m not difficult or argumentative. I speak my truth and then whatever needs to get done, gets done. My boss might be challenging and awful forever. That’s life. Or there might be a situation where he can take into account that I voiced my discomfort and did the thing anyway, and recognizes it in any one of a million ways. The recognition may not be enough for you and it may not be spectacular, but it will shift things. I’ve experienced this in the most grueling of circumstances so trust me on this one. Also, the great bit here is that even if NOTHING changes for you externally, you’ve lit a fire internally. If you are staying true to your WHO, you will definitely start to feel better about yourself.
Each and every time we allow someone or something to violate our space that doesn’t jive with our WHO, we kill a little part of us. We have to. If we don’t, then the struggle feels so much more difficult, so it’s a form of sad self-preservation. Tragic but necessary. Use that idea as your motivation. You don’t want to give up bits and pieces of you, do you? I don’t want you to do that.
How do we move away though? I’ve described a little of how it works in situations where we don’t have an open and free forum. What about when we do? Are we really free? Nah, not really. We still feel trapped by our obligations, self-consciousness, and fears. We still hesitate as a form of self-preservation. The truth is, you aren’t preserving anything at all. The more you are disloyal to you, the more of you is lost. I know, I keep saying the same thing. It’s THAT important.
The moving away is pretty simple once you get there. It’s really freaking hard but really simple. Ready? I’m going to share a simple but brilliant concept that was shared with me by a social worker. It says it all. I’m going to bestow this wisdom upon you and then let you sit with it a little.
A relationship is never about one person. BAM. Did you get that? So when you share that your WHO is not meshing any longer or you feel unsatisfied in the relationship and you get push back, screw it. No one has the right to deny you that. Your feelings. Your truth. Your reality. No. One.
They can work to try and make things fit better. They can ask for compromise (and you have to decide if it works). BUT, they can’t deny your truth and shut you down. If they do, they’ve made your decision for you. Time to shut the door, loves.
Chew on that a little. Have a kick ass weekend. Talk to you soon.
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 