How to round out the week of letting go? What epic part of the discussion is left to cover (um, everything) and how to we end with a bang? Oh and yeah…sorry. Well sorry, not sorry. I decided to take a break and get away for a couple of days and I neglected to post yesterday because I was too busy driving, looking at trees, gawking at baby turkeys and foxes, and making s’mores treats. No time like the present though, eh?
You might have already guessed it and perhaps you are/were dreading it but I want to discuss what happens when you choose to NOT let go. I want to describe what happens when you hang in there. No matter what. In spite of the odds. Despite your pain.
I’ve seen different iterations of the following idea (as usual, not sure who to attribute it to, but if you are that person or know that person or entity, please drop a comment): happiness is not about what is going on around you, but what is going on inside of you.
You’ve decided not to let go. You are staying in your bad job (when you have an option—important point, especially right now). You are staying in a terrible relationship. You are fostering a damaging friendship (if you can even call it that). You are not letting go. You are holding on. For dear life. So what do you have? Tenure at a job. A significant other. A live-in parent for your children. Another friend surrounding you.
What else do you have? Anger. Sadness. Resentment. A lack of trust. Upset or dysfunction caused in the lives of your children and loved ones around you. Aggravation. A lot of hurt. Frustration. Exhaustion. A lack of forward movement; no growth. Lost time. Gained weight. Physical pain. Emotional agony. An inability to future plan. You get the point, right? Should I go on?
Look at the two lists I’ve just laid out in front of you. We both understand that each of these lists could be supplemented. Beefed up. Altered. Generally, they will at least be neck and neck. Typically, the negative implications of hanging in there will outweigh and outnumber the pros, the positive sentiments.
Quick disclaimer. When I talk about hanging in, I am not referring to just letting people or situations go left and right when things become a little difficult. At all. Things take work and determination. Relationships take dedication. Good ones do, anyway. I am not saying when you reach a bump in the road, you should get out and leave your car abandoned on the side of the road. You know that, right? I am saying that you let go when you have done the work and determined that the work is not enough. When you are ready to say that unfortunately, there is a situation or person who doesn’t fit you any longer (or maybe never did). Once you are there….that’s the place that I am talking about. That is where I want you to jump from.
I also want to share that if letting go is too easy for you (maybe we will discuss more next week the implications of this personality trait or tendency), then maybe there is something going on there too. Likely there is. Letting go is always going to be hard. Someone can be a complete piece of shit and a situation can be mind numbingly painful and I bet money that it is still going to be a challenge to lift one finger at a time and start moving backwards.
We are so afraid of what we don’t know. Even when we KNOW that the not knowing is going to be better than the knowing….we still crave the comfort of the explainable, understood, and recognizable. That’s why someone came up with the phrase the devil you know. I mean, what the fuck does that even mean? The devil you know is better than the one you don’t know? Sure. I mean I guess. But really, that’s just a way of saying that you should gravitate towards what you know because it’s safer. You should hold onto the familiar because even when it sucks shit, there is a possibility that what you don’t know could be worse. I know that there are certain situations where that makes perfect sense. There are also many (aka most) where that doesn’t. I’m going to tell you something entirely contrary to that line of thinking…
A devil is a devil. If something makes you feel like shit. If someone makes you question yourself and everything you know, then it is worth plunging into the terrifying unknown to see if there is something better. The worst case scenario is that what you’ve chosen isn’t better. And you know what? Then you need to move on again. Sometimes life is an endless circuit of letting go. That’s the dirty little secret that people don’t like to share. Why? Because it sounds so gross. Who would want to admit that? Who would want to tell you that your life is going to be one big gerbil wheel or game of Goldilock’s porridge?
Well, I do. I want to be really fucking real with you. This is not a pessimistic perspective. It’s a healthy dose of realism. This cycle I’m describing does have a ton of rough moments, but you know what else it has? Laughter. Goodness. Glory. Success. Happiness. You will kiss a lot of frogs (in the proverbial sense-or maybe literally) but you will get to the end where your realize that you are worth all the things. It isn’t about one prince or princess. It is about feeling like you are worthy enough to let go of the shit that holds you back. You don’t need to stand, puckered up, awaiting a good kiss back. You get to choose. You get to say no. You get to walk away. You get to make mistakes. You get to work again and again until you find a spot that feels good for you and only you.
Once you start to let go, once you start to get into that groove, it doesn’t feel so bad. It really doesn’t. You know what it feels like, my dear readers? Progress. And nothing, and I mean nothing, is sweeter than that.
I hope you have a good weekend. Truly. I hope you find one little tiny thing to let go of. Pick something small that doesn’t feel so scary. Maybe it’s an oversized sweater that hides your figure and is 1,000 years old. Maybe it’s a friend you talk to once a year (delete the contact, unfollow, unfriend). I don’t know what it looks like for you, but like all things, start small, move to big.
So much love from this side of the universe.
Talk to you soon.
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 