End of the week. Wa-freaking-who. We made it. Congratulations. Felt like we were never going to get here. Right? Or was it just like that for me? I was beginning to feel a little hopeless. I still feel that post-vacation heaviness. I still feel the result of the work that I did while I was away.
You know what that means? It means I did it right. It means I took it seriously. It means that it will stick. I’ve grown and there’s no going back. That doesn’t mean I don’t ever reconsider but it means that this process, this journey I’ve embarked on, I’m well on my way. It’s now further to move towards the finish than turn around and go back.
That’s where I want each of you to get to. I want you to get to a level of commitment when it comes to your sense of well-being where you cannot fathom the alternative. You cannot imagine moving away from this love of yourself for the sake of making things feel a little easier.
What I’ve been talking about all week is really difficult and I’m afraid I’ve undersold it. I’m afraid that I’ve made the importance of this internal look so great that the work it takes to get there has been minimized. I want to set the record straight because I don’t think that imagery is helpful for anyone. No matter how badly you want to figure yourself and your life out, the work that is takes is back breaking.
I wanted a break. I wanted some peace. I wanted to push away from everything that’s been troubling me and stressing me out. That didn’t make my headspace an easier place to reside in. That didn’t mean that my time wasn’t fraught with tears and anger. That didn’t erase the frustration I felt with myself. Not even a little. I felt heavy. Really, super heavy. Walking in leaden shoes kind of heavy. But since I’ve been here before, I knew that the only way to lighten my shoes was to walk forward. Just like those massive sixteen wheeler trucks shed rubber from their tires, we shed emotional baggage as we process.
Sorry. I’ve said historically that I don’t love the term baggage so it seems unfair to use it now. We don’t rewrite our history but we begin to shape our present in a very proactive and meaningful way when we do these things.
I also never intended to disrespect those who aren’t ready, not now or not ever. Again, unless you are directly impacted by someone’s unwillingness to move into a lighter future, their life decisions should not be meaningful to you from an emotional standpoint. Separation from these choices that others make is a critical part of your own growth. When I was growing up (don’t be confused here- I’m still growing up), my mom used to tell me not to worry so much about everyone else. She used to explain that I had enough on my own plate and it wasn’t productive to spend a lifetime peering through someone else’s window.
True and real words, my friends.
There is nothing to be served in rubber-necking during this painful and glorious journey we call life. You can share. Share your life with someone and receive what they have to offer in return. Don’t steal though. Don’t grasp. Don’t reach for what is decidedly beyond your fingertips. I don’t mean to tell you not to aspire or hope or dream. I mean stay grounded in your own life and your own wants and your own needs. That is critical. If you are endlessly using someone else’s lens, yours are apt to get foggy and murky. Best plan it to keep things separate and clean. Overlap where it makes sense. Otherwise, stay in your lane.
This is a very important nuance so I don’t want to be careless about it. When you share your life with someone, whether it be a friend or a significant other, you are not overlapping your roads. You are running your roads next to each other. You decide on a regular basis, in a healthy relationship, whether your roads are still running in the same direction or whether you are suddenly operating on different sides of the highway. There are times that you might get off on an exit (as might they). There is nothing wrong with that. The real trick is when you get back on the highway, after your rest stop or attraction exploration, are you still running the same course, or have you gone off the rails?
You can support another person’s journey. You can act as a barrier, a reminder, a support metric. You can set an example (if you’ve gotten to that point) or just remain on your path so when they return from their exit (brief or longer), they find you where they left you (mostly). You cannot direct another person’s road. You cannot lay your road on top of theirs and not expect congestion and turbulence. You cannot expect a seamless meshing or exits that always coincide. Life is gloriously unexpected. You have to be able to roll with it.
If you are not willing to look within, your road gets decidedly fucked. It stops short. There is a ‘highway ends’ sign with no detour in sight. If someone you know is occupying this space and you stay with them in the same way you always have, expect an emotional and psychological traffic jam that is going to rock your world. It’s going to take a long time to clean up the carnage and honestly, sometimes you don’t recover in the way in which you would like.
The beautiful thing here is that you have a choice. You get to choose what you want to do and how you want to do it. You get to set your pace. You get to clock your journey and reset if and when you want to. You get to make mistakes and tell no one but you. Don’t judge others or yourself. Be patient. Be loving. Take your time. Be brave. I know, lofty asks. But then, I know you can do it.
Good weekend.
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 