What if you do all the things and you still find yourself engaging in habitual and self-destructive behavior over and over again? Do you just give up and accept that this is who you are and that is that? I mean, sure, you can. I don’t agree with that and yet, I know plenty of people who have done just that. They’ve decided that help is beyond them or they would rather swim in the easy waters of the ‘what is’ than put the work in to get to the ‘what can be.’ I don’t judge these folks, but I have no interest in being them anymore.
I am also trying like hell to get to a place where I am not triggered by these people. Why am I triggered by them? Well, it’s twofold really. On one hand, I am working on myself and there is some part of me that is jealous that they are not doing any work at all. I am struggling and fighting and they have kicked back with their feet up. They aren’t happy, most of them anyway, but it still seems like a more pleasant existence. When I get close enough to analyze, I don’t come to that conclusion, but I am speaking in vast generalizations. I am talking about what my gut feeling is when I’m faced with these people.
I constantly think how much nicer life would be if I didn’t have to look at my own behavior or that of others. What if I could just accept everything as it is and that’s that? Well, I would be miserable because I have been when I’ve done just that, but again, in a blink there is something strangely appealing.
On the other hand, if I care about them, I’m pissed off that they are resigning themselves to misery and I am worried. Also, I’m usually treated kind of shittily by them when we are in the thick of their crap, so there’s that too. It’s just a bag full of crap. That’s all it is.
But let’s bear in mind that I am truly not saying any of this from a place of judgment. There have been times in my life when I was that person. I made grandiose statements about my ability to recover, redo, relearn, and revive. You know the type of statements I am referring to, don’t you? I will NEVER find someone to date. I will ALWAYS be alone. I am JUST FINE with only one friend or just my family. It doesn’t bother me AT ALL that _____ happened, and I will get over it, ASAP. There was no room to consider how to learn and move beyond the things that had occurred because my cup was full, I was generally unlucky, and it is what it is. I mean no, that’s not true at all, but that’s how I was, who I was, and how I thought. Thus, I don’t render a guilty or life sentence kind of verdict on anyone, because I was that person and I know how hard it is to move to a different place.
Notice I said hard, and not impossible. I chose these words carefully because as I expressed earlier, this is about what to do when you are stuck, not how to remain stuck. I’m not interested in telling you it’s all good if you decide to circle the drain. I do NOT judge you and I am virtually sending you all the love in the world, but that is not what this blog is all about. This is not a place where we slow hand clap people’s decisions to harm themselves. This is a place where we hand out tough love. This is a place where we stand on the sidelines and cheer you on at mile 20. This is a place where we do not take no for an answer when it comes to your emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. This is a place of self-love and endless growth. That is what we do here. We plant seeds, we sprinkle water, we share words of encouragement, and we wait patiently.
You can struggle for a little bit. You can remain stuck and lick your wounds for whatever is a reasonable period of time. Then you have to get yourself together and figure out your next moves. Then it’s time to figure out whether you need to speak to a professional, open up to a friend, journal and set an intention or what. I find that people avoid this step simply by taking a few positives from a current situation and making it the biggest part of the situation. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? The married couple that is miserable but goes away for the weekend and has an amazing time so decides that the marriage is okay. The boyfriend and girlfriend that might bring out not so hot qualities or behaviors in one another, but are tired of the single game and generally “have fun” together so they let things ride. The friends that are not really acting like friends but spend a lot of time thinking about how things ‘used to be’. All of these. More of these.
The thing is, relationships (platonic and romantic) are not about a highlight reel. They aren’t about the okay stuff or the one good day/weekend/week. You have to look at the big picture and decide if something generally makes you happier or brings you more pain. Also, you have to understand that the pain may not come in the form of drama. No fights, tears, yelling. Pain can just be that pit in your stomach that tells you that you aren’t really happy. You are settling. You are compromising to the point of no return. You are forgiving too much, too often.
Once you admit to yourself that something doesn’t fit, you have to do something about it. You have to make a shift and make a change. That shift and change will come with its own discomfort and pain, but the only way to get over it is to go through it. That’s just the way shit rolls. Ask yourself if you are living a life that you are happy with and proud of. If the answer is no, then tell yourself that the only person with the power to change that is you. It isn’t about winning the lottery or meeting Ms./Mr. Right. It is not about wishful thinking. It is just telling yourself that you want to get to a better place and taking the steps you need to every day to get there.
I know this topic seems familiar but I am going to drop it on you again and again, unapologetically. This is what the path to worthy is all about. This. Is. It.
See you on Flyday.
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 