I had an interesting conversation with a friend recently that prompted me to explore the abundance in personalities in the world. There are just SO many. So much so that it feels cheap and tactless to highlight just a few of them. And yet, that is exactly what I am going to do over the course of this week (and early next week). I want to speak to only four distinct and specific personalities. For now. Maybe more later.
I have elements of these personalities that live within me, but I can’t say that I am any one of them in particular or by any great majority. Someone close to me might disagree and as with anything else, I am happy to discuss. Anyway, I digress. What is fascinating to me about these four personalities is that although they live inside of me, I find myself struggling with each of them from time to time. Maybe that’s just it though? Maybe we struggle with those elements of ourselves that we see reflected back in the behavior of others.
What is even more profound for me is that these personalities [in particular] seem to be having a moment right now. A real, serious moment. They are IN it. Why? Well, I think we can all agree that our country is in turmoil right now. Whatever your views and whatever side of the coin you gravitate towards, I think we can all get behind the idea that things are fairly polarized right now. Societally we have somewhat lost our ability to find middle ground or meet half way. We are living in a world where a line has been drawn straight down the middle and we are being strongly encouraged to choose a side.
As a very relevant aside I will tell you, or rather remind you, that I am not a fan of this state of affairs generally. I find it maddening, disappointing, and well, depressing. That said, it’s here and it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere right now. So, with that understanding, we have to just find our own way. When I say that, I don’t mean finding your way to one side of the fence. I mean do whatever the fuck you want. Hang out in the middle. I’m there. I’m sitting right in the middle and praying like hell to see some familiar faces. So, feel free to join me.
Anyway, because shit is so upside down and we are living in a universe of extremes, those individuals with extreme personalities seem to be finding a spotlight. Moreover, folks that have elements of these personalities might find themselves exhibiting a strong propensity towards one because of stress or the overwhelming external pressure. The danger there is that the longer we live in a particular skin, the more comfortable it feels. Even if acting a certain way doesn’t really serve us, if we stick around long enough, we might find ourselves having difficulty finding our way back. Furthermore, we might be using a reliance on certain personality traits to escape from dealing with our issues head-on.
I want to explain both of those points in greater detail so we can find some common ground, but I think I need to start by introducing the personalities that I want to explore over the next couple of posts. Here they are (drumroll): latent firecracker, passive aggressive, aggressive, and reserved. I think it is important for me to also describe how I see each of these personalities or personality traits so we feel like we are talking about the same people or behavior.
-Latent firecracker: I see these folks as something of a combination between reserved and aggressive. They store up their energy. They are sitting in a big ol’ pile of kindling on the ground and waiting for the right spark to just light them the fuck up. Most of the time you’ll find them calm, but if you look close, they are actually stewing. Biding their time.
-Passive aggressive: I have to say that this is probably my least favorite personalities and yes, it is fucking everywhere. This is where folks are indirectly confrontational or aggressive. They aren’t overt in their behavior. It’s like getting a massive papercut and only realizing how much it hurts when you look down and notice you are bleeding.
-Aggressive: Yeah. Duh. This is someone who wears his or her passion or anger right on his or her sleeve. They are in your face about how they feel and are not likely interesting in holding back anything at all. Coupla these folks around these days, huh?
-Reserved: Timid little mice. That is how I describe reserved folks. I am not talking about well-mannered individuals here, though they certainly can be. I am talking about folks that keep things very close to the cuff. They bury shit, deep.
Okay, so let’s circle back real quick, shall we?
If I am someone who has gotten real comfortable with passive aggressive behavior, I might, over time, lose important communication skills that enable me to communicate what I am thinking and feeling in a way that isn’t underhanded or sneaky. Along the same lines, I might use my passive aggressive behavior to seek some sort of retaliation in an unhappy relationship scenario rather than actually talking to my partner in a way that is honest and productive. Does that make sense? I will talk about this a bit more in each post, but I am hoping you get the gist of just how damaging it can be to wear one of these personalities as a uniform.
But what if you are just THAT person? What if one of these personalities seems to be who you are naturally? Does that mean you can’t change? Nope. Not even a little. I was born with different parts of my mom and dad and their respective families within me. I could very easily default to anger, resistance, blissful and chosen ignorance. But I don’t and not because I am an amazing person. You know why. You know how. I just do the work people. That doesn’t mean I don’t slip up and act a mess sometimes. It just means that I am generally committed to making those incidents the outlier rather than my regularly scheduled programming.
Like anything else we’ve discussed, you need to be able to identify that you are acting a certain way before you can get on top of it. This isn’t easy. We have to set aside our pride and yes, we have to admit that sometimes we act like a baby. A brat. A scutch. No one wants to do that but once you realize that it is critical to growth and evolution as a human, that task gets ever easier. It becomes that much more appealing to say ‘I acted that way and I wasn’t proud of it’ when you know at some point you’ll be able to do a look back and see how far you’ve come.
Feel me?
More tomorrow.
L.
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