Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg was a hero of mine. A heroine. Someone I greatly admired for so many reasons. Someone I feared our country would lose sooner than we were ready for. The truth is, she lived a full life, but it didn’t feel like we had enough time with her. Selfishly, I wanted her to live for longer. To continue her work as a relentless warrior for justice. True justice. Real justice. But it was her time and unselfishly, I’m glad she can rest now. It seemed as though she never really rested. Never really gave herself a break, a moment, a breath. She persisted. Always. She was always just doing the work, without asking for anything in return except for people to also do the work, in whatever way they could.
I intended to continue the discussion from last week this week but I would be remiss if I didn’t pause to celebrate the legacy and life of such an indominable force. I am not unique in the respect I had for Justice Ginsberg. She was beloved and will surely continue to be posthumously.
I promise I’ll get back to that other stuff. Promise.
Anyway, Al Jazeera published an article speaking to five facts about Justice Ginsberg and I felt inspired to offer my perspective, as a tribute. An act of love.
Fact #1- “She was a fierce advocate for women’s rights.”
RBG was constantly touted for the work she did to gain equality for women in this country. The article references one of her most well-known quotes as follows: “I ask no favour for my sex. All I ask of our brethren is that they take their feet off our necks.” She tried case after case supporting this notion and actually led the ACLU’s campaign for gender equality.
As a woman in business, I truly feel that famous statement and the work that Justice Ginberg did in the most personal way possible. I can’t speak for other women in other situations. I can quote statistics or reference one of the many pieces of media I’ve happenstanced upon speaking to the disparity that still exists today, in 2020. But I won’t. I don’t need to.
I’ve had my own experiences. Overt sexism and discrimination and also, the kind of sneaky inequality that you barely recognize until you’ve been mowed over. An example? Well, I’m often asked to take notes as meetings where I’m the only woman. My job doesn’t dictate that I act as the scrivener in such situations and yet, this is asked of me. I am not the most junior person in the room. I am just the only woman. And thus, it seems perfectly logical that this is asked of me. Which is strange and also, pretty shitty. It doesn’t sound like a big deal, I know, but when it happens over and over again, it doesn’t feel great.
I’ve been asked in a professional situation if I am single and if I have children where my male counterparts are not troubled with the same questions. I don’t know what those facts have to do with anything and also, what the fuck is that anyone’s business? And yet, the folks that pose such queries seem entirely comfortable throwing them out there.
These are just little baby examples. There are so many others.
I’d actually like to share one of my least favorite stories or experiences with you. It sucks retelling this story but it feels too important to skip over. When the ‘me too’ movement was in its hashtag glory days, I noticed a shift in the professional arena. A sad, ridiculous, embarrassing shift. Not an awareness. Not a sensitivity. Not support. None of those things.
I had always worked on these certain transactions as part of my professional experience. Sometimes, the success of these transactions resulted in a closing dinner. I had finally achieved a level of contribution whereas I was invited to those dinners. And then, #metoo. I noticed I was no longer being invited. When I finally mustered the courage to ask why I wasn’t invited, I was told that the dinner was going to be mostly men and there was a shared sentiment that I might not be comfortable. I shared that I had often been the singular woman at these dinners and it had never bothered me before. And then, the silence, the dawning awareness. They weren’t concerned about my comfort. They were concerned about their own. They were concerned that this “new movement” might require that they were more mindful of their words and their actions. Rather than being conscious, respectful, and watchful, they had resolved to avoidance. They would remove me from the equation so they didn’t have to deal with it.
I was disappointed and aghast and disgusted, but also, not surprised. That sucks, right? The fact that this lame ass, childish move was not a shock to me. It wasn’t because I knew that to address the issue, to face it, would require an acknowledgment. An admission. Not necessarily of wrong-doing on their part but a recognition that sexual discrimination is a real thing. Ironically, their decision to avoid gave an unintended and greater appearance of guilt than just doing the right thing.
So yeah, I get it. I feel profoundly why RBG worked so hard on behalf of women. She saw that things needed work. Lots of work. She saw that it’s not enough to say that things have changed. To assume that because it’s 2020, things MUST be different. She saw that the assumption of progress is more deadly than the slow pace it takes. She understood that for things to change, a forever commitment is required. She recognized that she couldn’t rest, nor can any of us, until there exist the same obstacles on the path to success for women as for men.
I recently read (forgive my lack of attribution, and please comment if you know so I can give credit where credit is due) a fairly profound quote, as follows: “I can’t wait for the day when a woman can be mediocre.” That’s just it. And Justice Ginsberg saw that clearly. As women, we are not given the same leniency as men. We are held to a different standard. To a higher standard. We are asked to accept less and do more. We are asked to squeeze into societal paradigms, even when it doesn’t suit us, and not complain, no matter what. We are “the weaker sex” but we are expected to be strong under any circumstance or scenario. When we feel things, we are too emotional and too reactive. We are crazy bitches just reacting to the work with an unjustifiable fervor. Men come in so many colors and shapes and sizes and flavors and yet, we are expected to fit one mold. One big busted, coiffed hair, wrinkle free, baking, baby-making mold. A middle-aged man who is single is a debonair confirmed bachelor and I am a shrew with a story who needs a cat.
Are you getting a sense of things? This is why Justice Ginsberg always did the work. Knew that that the work wasn’t even close to being done. The work isn’t about a hashtag or a t-shirt, or everyone wearing one color to an awards ceremony. It’s about moving people the fuck out of the way so we can just stay on the path. Same obstacles as men. No less, but no more.
That’s all. More tomorrow.
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 