Hola. Welcome to NOT Monday. I was talking to a good friend about some of what I’ve been battling with lately and I said “I know it’s not the end of the world, but it feels really shitty.” If I was really owning what I’ve been feeling, I would say “shit, I know it’s not the end of the world, but it kind of feels like it is,” Yes, that is dramatic as fuck. Yes, I know it isn’t true. No, that doesn’t matter. Stepping back from some friendships that have meant something to me does feel like the end of the world.
Also, stepping closer to some friendships also feels like the end of the world. Huh? Yes. I am so damn scared to trust and rely on people that letting go of those I’ve come to have faith in feels untethering and the process of going through that exercise with others feels horrifying. So, why put myself through any of it? You should know this answer by now. It’s entirely necessary. There isn’t really a choice. Well, there is but the choice is happiness or unhappiness. And I am all about choosing happiness these days.
Before we go any further down the rabbit hole, let me introduce you to today’s song and lyrics. Here goes:
“Not the End of the World”
It’s not the end of the world
No, not the end of the world
Throw on your fancy attire, fears in the fire
Don’t lose hope
It’s no funeral we’re attending
Actually just the beginning
Throw on your fancy attire, fears in the fire
Don’t lose hope
It’s not the end of the
No, not the end of the world
You can catch a star if the sky is falling down
There’s a golden lining up in every single cloud
You can take a frown turn it all the way around
All the way around, all the, all the way around
A fortune teller told me the power’s in your mind
You might see a cliff but I see a way to fly
Flipping off the flop now I just enjoy the ride
I think the message buried in there is pretty self-evident but I’m still going to share what it meant to me, what it means to me.
Letting go of people has always been scary for me. I’ve shared the reasons why but there is no harm in doing a quick revisit on at least one point, which is that I’ve likely expended a good deal of energy on that human if we have a relationship and I am scared of what that void will look like. I am not talking about the hole in my life as there is likely one that already exists if I am contemplating the relationship’s demise. I am talking about what to do with that energy. The thoughts and feelings that I’ve dedicated to that human. Do I dump them into another person? Maybe, but transference is not something I’d recommend. Before that energy can be repurposed, it should be considered. The grieving process, however short or lengthy, must be experienced. Lessons must be extrapolated. Accountability must be taken.
And all of this that I’ve just described occurs with the power of the mind and the strength of the heart.
You do have to tell yourself that whatever is going to happen is not going to be the end of the world. For me, I had to acknowledge that while my heart was hurting and would likely hurt more, I would survive all the decisions I knew that I had to make. Taking a step back, a step away, or leaving altogether, wasn’t going to be my undoing. Even if I had to say goodbye entirely, I would and will survive. I had to tell myself that closing spaces that didn’t serve me would create so much more room for all the things I had been sidelining or just barely making space for previously. My heart would be open to different opportunities and a greater appreciation if I was able to address the areas that were clearly neglected open wounds.
More than that, even if nothing else existed, I would be able to breathe into that space. I would fill it with all the oxygen I had been storing in unreachable places. And that freer breathing would give me a chance to see everything anew. It would give me a lighter perspective. It wouldn’t make everything perfect or rosy. It would just create a chance. A singular chance to write my story a little differently.
Hopelessness is such an easy destination to travel to when things are troubling you or when you are moving out of relationships you’ve had for a very long time. Fear often triggers a sense of impossibility. So, how do we staunch that fear? Also, how do we resist the urge to soothe those feelings by filling the spaces that are now vacant?
We use our mind. We force ourselves to see the positives, the silver linings. This is far from easy but it’s necessary. I’ll share something else strange with you . Sometimes the silver lining is actually the absence of something or a negative that becomes a positive. Like recognizing that someone makes you feel more yucky feelings than good, and so even though the separation part is anxiety-provoking, the end result will be a departure from those yucky feelings altogether. I’m focusing on letting go of relationships, but this thought process applies in a variety of situations. Let’s say you are trying to move away from over-exercising. You are scared of the impact on your body but you know that forcing that action will actually allow your body to perform more efficiently. Your choice moving towards self-care, though difficult, will actually move you away from soreness and potential injury. You get to make a shift from counter-productive to positive, but you have to get through the tough stuff first. Worth it. Every. Single. Time.
There are a zillion other examples but I think you get my point. We have to pull the nose up ourselves. We have to understand that even when it feels that way, these decisions that we make to help ourselves aren’t the end of the world. They are truly just the beginning. How fucking cool is that?
See ya tomorrow.
L.
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