“Daisies”
When did we all stop believing in magic?
Why did we put all our hopes in a box in the attic?
I’m the long-shot
I’m the Hail Mary
Why can’t it be me?
They told me I was out there
Tried to knock me down (knock me down)
Took those sticks and stones
Showed ’em I could build a house
They tell me that I’m crazy
But I’ll never let ’em change me
This post dovetails nicely off of yesterday’s thoughts and the day before for that matter. But, that’s the point, no?
There is a point in our development as humans where we stop believing in magic. There are little obvious forms of magic and the more existential, esoteric magic that’s harder to define or recognize.
The easy bits? Whatever myths and stories you were raised with and there are certainly a boat load. No matter your upbringing, there was likely something you were taught that you clung (and cling) to like a life raft. I am not going to point out specific examples because I’d like to avoid deeply offending anyone reading this and your customs. Needless to say, there are religions and cultures and plain ol’ core values that materially impact the way we see the world. We are provided explanations for the way things are and for the most part, we latch onto that reasoning until we don’t see a need anymore or until the illusion is shattered.
Sometimes there are people around us who contribute to our ‘awakening’ whether it is by deliberately calling out what they see as a false belief or notion or doing or saying something that guides us to coming to that conclusion in a much gentler fashion. The truth is, the savagery of the experience doesn’t really matter in the grander scheme of things. Sure, trauma is trauma, but when it comes to us seeing things anew, we will often shape that experience based on who we are and who we want to be, rather than what it actually was. I know, I might have lost you right there so I’m going to see if I can clear things up a bit.
I’m going to try and pick something a bit more generic and user-friendly, though I am disclaiming straight away that not everyone might have believed in this concept/thing/fantasy. A child may stumble upon a box of teeth their parents are keeping or maybe was sat down and outright told that the tooth fairy doesn’t exist. The happenstance of finding their teeth amongst their parents’ possessions may sound far more egregious, but in reality, the discussion breaking down the falsity of the belief they had held to that point could have been equally if not more earth-shattering. The discovery of the tooth box would require a child to embark on a reasoning exercise. Why do my parents have a box of teeth? Is it possible that they are holding them for the tooth fairy? Is it possible that they are the tooth fairy? Does that mean that my parent(s) is the tooth fairy for all children or that the so-called tooth fair doesn’t really exist at all? And it is that very exercise that could provide a softer landing for a child. Even though the evidence has been put right in front of them, they still need to question it and come to their very own conclusion. In fact, some children might go in the other direction. They might create a paradigm whereas they are still able to stand by their narrative involving the tooth fairy. They cognitive bias the shit out of the situation.
What the fuck does any of this have to do with anything? Well, when we start to unravel magic earlier in life, most of us start to strip away the same in a much bigger picture kind of way. We tell ourselves that if we’ve been lied to about ____ and maybe ____, what’s to say that everything isn’t a falsehood? How do we know what to trust? This is the very reason why most guardians or parents will explain to children why certain explanations or mythologies have been imparted to them. They want the child to understand that there is a good reason for the lie, the falsehood, the game, the pretending.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to turn the entire institution of parenting or guardianship on its head. I’m not. I’m not saying we shouldn’t have stories and pretend and cultures and religions. I am merely suggesting that this thing that we do as humans often starts us on a very particular path that most of us struggle to move away from. This is not to say that we don’t ever fantasize again or subscribe to the concept of magic ever again. Nope. What I am saying is that we have a more difficult time with fantasies or magic. We struggle. For those of us that do latch on more readily, it is often an indication of brokenness or great need or emptiness. We don’t enjoy magic or fantasy for the sake of it.
As you might have guessed, this is detrimental to our development as humans. In a major way. I don’t think that we should live in la-la land because I do know a few people living there and believe it or not, it is NOT a place of sunshine and rainbows. It is a place filled with delusional thinking and deliberate ignorance. It is also a place of great self-harm. I do think we should be able to be hopeful and entertain the kind of magical thinking that fuels our souls. I think we should be able to have faith in ourselves even when the universe is knocking us down a little. I think we should be able to cultivate the kind of magic that enables us to take others negativity and doubt and turn it into something that motivates us.
We move away from magic as a sort of self-handicapping technique, right? If I don’t put myself out there, I can’t expose myself to possible harm. If I think all the negative and bad things before they are presented to me, then I will feel not so bad when they are floated my way. But what if we did things differently? What if we bought into just a little magic? This is really hard for me and I’m telling you this not in a martyr kind of way but in a ‘let’s do this together’ kind of way.
I’m going to reiterate for you the place where I struggle and explain where I am trying for magic and maybe that will give you the lotta bit of strength and courage you need to give it a go yourself. Okay?
I am hopeful that I can weed through loads of toxic and damaging and difficult friendships and relationships to be left with the ones that nourish me. I am feeling positive that when the dust has settled and I’ve bravely released my death grip on everything that was, I will be left with people who I want to give my heart and soul to. And those who tell me I’m making a mistake or criticize my choices, I’m hoping that instead of feeling defeated and doubting myself, I can use their words to recommit to this journey.
What’s your house of self-love gonna look like? Strong? Impenetrable? Vulnerable? Reinforce the shit out of it. Have faith. Be hopeful. Take each day as it comes.
Good news? Tomorrow is Friday. You’ve almost made it through another week.
L.
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