Welcome back and happy Friday. This is when we tie it all up. I mean, not all of it. There is so much left for us to discuss and explore on this topic. But for this week, we are going to come to a conclusion. This paragraph from the song I first shared with you on Tuesday is where I want to start:
Be the hand of a hopeful stranger
Little scared, but you’re strong enough
Be the light in the dark of this danger
‘Til the sun comes up
We already covered how we generally employ every psychological tool to turn away from or stare mindlessly and lazily at the person in the burning window. If we’ve gotten to there, how can we possibly be a helping hand? How can we be the rescuer if we have already determined that someone doesn’t need help?
We need to shift our entire mindset. We really, really do. Perhaps you are thinking that this has looped back to a political post. It hasn’t. Not even a little. That’s my entire point or at least part of it. It is not political to give a shit about each other. It’s not a political stance to see all of us as one community, one society. When it becomes part of a political platform to separate this sense of unification from our daily interactions, we’ve truly lost our way.
I think we know which way I lean politically, but I promise you that has nothing to do with this. There is fault on both sides. One side might say it’s not my job to help the person in the burning window and also, they have nothing to do with me or they probably deserve it. The other side might say that they feel responsible for helping the person in the burning window but they won’t because of some misguided principle or they will help the person in the burning window but scorch the earth around the person who decided to do nothing.
None of this works, my friends. None of it.
If we continue on like this, we will split at the seams. We will be tossed into different camps and fail to thrive as a community.
Fine. You might be thinking that you would be just fine on your own or with YOUR people. But is that what you really want? Do you want to have to examine each person you meet to make a snap determination as to whether they are with or against you? Does that approach and language feel good when you read it or contemplate it?
I hope not but I suppose that it could. Maybe you’ve had a rough go of it lately. Maybe you are not employed or are employed and insufficiently compensated. Maybe your relationship has fallen apart or you’ve failed to find a partner. It is so much easier to blame this misfortune (and many others) on someone or something else. It is so much cleaner to look outside and determine that one of those factors or people is the cause of your unhappiness and struggle.
I am not saying that flippantly or in a judgmental fashion. I am speaking from personal experience. I have done this a ton. If only it weren’t for that woman who seduced my boyfriend, he never would have cheated on me. That is a fairly benign (albeit painful) example but it cuts straight to the heart of the matter. It really does. If only we could neatly compartmentalize and if only that process made things feel better than they are, then we would be good to go. Life would be calmer and easier to live.
That’s just not the way that it works. You know that, you really do. It sucks though because even though that way of doing things wreaks havoc and causes harm, it usually does so to people or things outside of us so if we don’t want to be connected to it, we can make that choice. We close ourselves off. I am not my brother or sister’s keeper. Every man or woman for him or herself. God speed. Good luck.
Is that who we really want to be? Is that where we have comfortably found ourselves? Yuck. I mean, really. Things are messy. Our justice system is a bit fucked in each direction, bad things happen to good people, and sometimes things are pretty bad before they get better. That’s just the truth of things. I choose mess though. I choose creepy, yucky, uncomfortable mess. I choose mess over a sterilized, white-washed version of life.
I choose to advocate for all of humanity with the understanding that I will get it wrong and many will be undeserving of such a kindness. I choose to state that everyone deserves a safe place to land while also knowing it is a first landing spot for those who might rightly or improperly bounce elsewhere. I choose to think that my life is made better and brighter when I open my ideas and kindness to everyone not just those select few who entirely align with my way of thinking. I know that when we choose to turn ourselves off or slip blinders on, that becomes a slippery slope. We often lose sight of where we began and we definitely blur the moral and ethical boundary line that was previously a lot clearer.
Why did I talk about immigrants the other day? Only because it is an easy example. There are literally thousands. Thousands of ways in which we take common threads and sever them, rashly and in a way that is impervious to the human suffering that is caused as a result. We are immigrants but not that kind of immigrant. We have some bad eggs amongst us but it does not color the entirety of the group. But, where they are concerned, those who have been led astray are the very definition of who they are and what they represent. We can reason and find a middle-ground solution but they are not entitled to such. We needed a helping hand and it’s offered to us, but they do not deserve the same. Do you see it now? Do you?
Use any example. People of color. People of differing religions. People of different philosophies. We have sworn allegiance to a manner of conducting ourselves that is absolutely destructive to the very notion of togetherness. We have lost our way.
You cannot get to your best self if that means you do not believe others do not deserve the same. Or if your best self believes that people should be harmed because they are different [than you], maybe you wanna work on that best self. I never say this guys, but maybe that means your best self just isn’t good enough. Not for the world I want to live in. You can be frustrated. You can hold people accountable. You can want to understand. You might not understand. That should not lead you to shut down and shut out. Open your heart. Consider the possibilities. Don’t just see the person in the burning window and wish for a safe place to land. Be the helping hand. Try it. And if you get burned, grieve, lick your wounds, and try it again.
That, my friends, is the very best of humanity. Let’s make that the goal.
Have a great weekend.
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 