Happy Tuesday friends.
My intention was to research the history of Valentine’s Day. That statement might feel a bit out of the blue (outside of the very recent passage of the holiday), so let me share the three pieces of information that will likely provide mildly sufficient context: 1. I spoke to three friends yesterday, all of whom felt diminished and depressed about their singlehood as it relates to the “holiday” (yes, quotation marks- more on that later); 2. I read several memes and posts from individuals about the silliness of the holiday (you KNOW what I mean- “tell your loved ones you love them everyday” and “I just do it for my kids”); and 3. for the first time in a long time, I didn’t give a shit about the day this year, outside of the thought I give to every other day of my life.
Despite my general lack of concern over the day, particularly in connection with the state of my love life, I became hyper-focused on the notion of what it means to other people or what it used to mean to me. I thought a good place to start, as I am a nerd in the deepest and most profound sense, is the history. I wondered where we got this idea from, for a day of love. I pondered whether it is actually even a day of love. I realized that outside of the commercialism of it all, I didn’t know much. I like to know things and so, I educated myself.
I will first tell you that the article that grabbed my attention almost instantly was one from Good Housekeeping. I will then share that I felt a gross, sort of nauseas feeling contemplating a periodical that boasts that title in 2021. I mean, I’m sure tons of men read it (cue eye roll) but still. It’s not even a feminist soap box I’m standing on. Well, maybe a lil one. It’s more just that I think we as humans, and in particular women, have better and more important things to concern ourselves with given the state of the world. Please understand that I believe in housekeeping. I’m a pretty tidy person. I just don’t need to abide by someone else’s standard of what ‘good’ housekeeping happens to be.
Liz Schumer appropriately titled her piece “The Real History of Valentine’s Day, Explained.” Feels gripping, right? Like some sort of juicy expose. I’m not knocking it, as I’ve already shared that I was drawn in. It did the trick where I’m concerned.
I’m not going to bore you with explicit detail, but I’ll give you a little taste of the article’s high points (found here if you want to give it a spin: (The History of Valentine’s Day – Origins, Facts and Tradition (goodhousekeeping.com)). I’ll share what I believe to be the highlights. Let’s start with the main points, as follows:
- “St. Valentine actually refers to several people.” This is where Ms. Schumer explains that there are sundry versions of St. Valentine according to the records of the Catholic church. She wraps up her brief description of some of the more well-kn own versions with the following adorable tidbit: “Whichever saint the holiday memorializes, we generally agree he was kind, heroic and most importantly, very much pro-love.”
Here is my takeaway: Holy fuck. This holiday came from a religion. A religious institution. Also, it’s entirely focused on the idea of love as described by a man. One man. A man who was considered a hero because he performed marriage ceremonies when they were banned. Let it be known that Emperor Claudius banned marriage because men were using it to dodge the draft. At the time only single men were permitted to join the army. Men were binding women to a lifetime with them so they could avoid fighting. Noble? Selfish? Shitty? Not sure. A man who enables this behavior labeled a hero? Perhaps misguided. Anyway, let’s move on.
- “The timing offsets an ancient Pagan holiday.” Much like other holidays that came to fruition, Valentine’s Day was celebrated to avoid giving any credence or attention to a so-called Pagan holiday celebrated around the same time. Apparently, this Pagan holiday was intended to be a celebration of fertility and more specifically, the Roman god of agriculture (another dude, in case you were wondering- which seems uber appropriate since it’s a celebration of mother effing fertility).
Don’t worry though, there is a woman in the story. A she-wolf (operative word she) raised Romulus and Remus. To celebrate this Pagan holiday, the people were to sacrifice animals and then smack women and crops with the bloody hide to encourage fertility in the new year. On one hand, it feels comforting that the Catholic church decided to move away from this barbaric and bizarre celebration of fertility. On the other hand, I tend to think of Valentine’s Day as equally barbaric. Last, but not least, unclear as to why we couldn’t celebrate fertility by calling women goddesses, allowing them to take baths in quiet, and throwing rose petals on them. And by fertility, I mean general productiveness, not just the production or birthing of babies.
Don’t be sad though, as women did get something out of the deal (after being beaten with bloody animal carcasses). Eligible bachelors (those with the bloodiest hides?) drew names out of an urn and chose a partner for the year. One whole fucking year. Daaaammmn. I mean, that sucks. On the other hand, I feel much more comfortable with the idea of a yearlong partnership these days.
The pope found this offensive all around, and so instead, created St. Valentine’s Day. A day where married and involved women are meant to feel very loved for one singular day (regardless of all the other days) and single women are either meant to feel lonely and rejected or, in more recent times, are expected to make charcuterie boards filled with red shit and Boomerang champagne toasts with their besties. This is less offensive. I get it. I mean, no, I don’t. But, still.
- “Romance became a part of it later.” Valentine’s Day was merely a celebration of this hero who married unsuspecting women to draft dodgers. It wasn’t until much later on that we commercialized the fuck out of it. Which I know is shocking, because we typically preserve the integrity of things without any thought of exploitation or bastardization.
I have to share one of my favorite quotes from this section, or maybe the whole article. Ready? Okay: “People love the idea that there were these wonderful eras before our own time when people celebrated Valentine’s Day in the most authentic way,” Elizabeth Nelson, a 19th-century pop culture expert who wrote the book on marketing the holiday told the University of Nevada. “But there was always this long and complicated history about Valentine’s Day and people actually thought that it was too commercial and insincere from the very beginning.” Again, because we always keep things authentic and also, because we have a very grounded sense of what love is or should be in our modern society.
- “Cards became more common in the 18th century.” The ability to print in a more efficient way enabled folks to send each other cards for the holiday. Apparently, cards from the 1900s were saucy and laden with sexiness. I’m here for it. If you are going to send a card to your loved one, skip the poetry and go straight for the loins. I mean really, NO ONE believes that you had to get that card because it just said everything you wanted to say without you writing it. Stop it. Bring back the inappropriate cards. Let’s start a trend, maybe a hashtag? #putthesexbackinvday or maybe #putthevandpbackinvday (to be clear, that’s v and p, v and v, and p and p- I’m an equal opportunist when it comes to sexy town and people’s sexual preferences).
- “They started looking familiar in the 19th century.” At first, I didn’t know what to think when I read this one. They meaning the holiday? Cards? People participating? Breathe easy people, I got you. She meant cards. Some queen decided in 1840 (Esther A. Howland- the “Mother of the Valentine”) to make jazzy v-day cards with lace, ribbons, and all the bells and whistles.
It was all uphill (or downhill) from there. Apparently today, “women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines.” I know, try and revive yourself before I drop this next salacious tidbit on you. Ready? Our beloved author closes out this piece with the following: “So when you lick your stamps this year, know you’re participating in an age-old tradition – and not just a commercial one.” That really grabbed me. Or punched me. That’s the better descriptor. Guess what women folk (and maybe the 15% of men who participate)? You aren’t just feeding Hallmark’s revenue stream and creating social media content gold. Nope. You are actually carrying on meaningful and robust traditions. What’s the implication? Well, if you don’t celebrate, you are left out of something important. That’s just the tip of the iceberg, but we all know that I’m just getting started.
To be continued….
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 