Eat the Ice Cream.

Do you ever wonder how we got here? Not Friday, though there are some weeks where that is a mystery too. Do you ever ponder how we’ve dug ourselves into the societal patterns and ruts we cling to so fervently?

Aleksandar Hemon who wrote ‘Nowhere Man’ and ‘The Lazarus Project’, penned the following: “If you find yourself asking: How did I get here? [Isador] once said, that probably means you are living a life worth living.” As an aside, if you haven’t, read his work. Worth it. Powerful. Intense. Not for everyone but for anyone.

Anyway, let’s get back to the sentiment buried within my literary recommendation. We can’t just say that we want to change things. We can, but if we do just that, we likely won’t get very far. Why? Well, when we don’t look at the origin of a thing, we can sometimes miss how deep its roots are and then, we grossly underestimate it. Profoundly so.

Also, if we just look to make a shift and plow forward, there is a likelihood that we will end up zombie walking through life. We will be clinging to the notion that we have to act or feel a certain way and that notion will be so all encompassing that nothing else will really matter, least of which is the reason why we are doing it to begin with.

If we want a life worth living, we need to ask all the questions. If I want relationships worth having, I need to examine them. I need to dissect them. I need to understand in a very significant way what makes me feel good and what does not.

I know things can get a bit foggy when I speak this way so let’s talk some very real specifics. Ready?

I’m going to go back to my very first example because you know I like things to be tidy. I tell my friends that this guy has vanished and then dropped back in out of nowhere. No explanation, no apology, no nothing. Just back on the scene in full force. They tell me that I should chill out. It’s no big deal. They share anecdotes where they have been subjected to the same shit. One even wishes me good luck (in a very dripping with sarcasm kinda way) if I intend to try to do things differently. She advises that people are generally assholes and it was just a function of finding the best of the worst.

Are you fucking kidding me? No thanks.

First of all, I’ve only felt that way about people as a general whole during real shitty moments in my life. As a rule, I think there are a lot of good humans. There are also a lot of crappy humans, but I try not to spend too much time thinking about them (or dating them- I try not to do that anymore, or befriend them- that either). But giving up before you’ve even begun? So not my jam at all. I can’t stand that concept. Not even a little smidgen. That’s ridiculous and entirely unnecessary.

It’s good to keep things low key and reasonable. That is not tantamount to having no standards at all. That doesn’t mean that with every single offensive thing that arises, we tell ourselves that it could be worse. That doesn’t mean that we cling to crap until a better option comes along. None of the above, thanks very much.

Just because we are moving in a different direction does not mean we are staging some sort of uprising. I mean look, if I end up getting a few people to think the same way, that’s great, but that’s not the intention. I’m not moving away from group think to only engage in it further. I am simply deciding that what has been determined as good for all, is just not good for me.

I acknowledge that journey can be scary. I do. Sometimes when I’ve told people that I need space and don’t like to be crowded, I have to take several deep breaths before I can get the words out. Sometimes when I explain to people that I don’t need someone to complete me, just someone to chill with, I hesitate for just a moment before I finish my thought. Sometimes when I react with indifference and NOT excitement when someone vanishes and then drops back onto earth again, I second guess myself for a heartbeat. I wonder if I should have maybe not been so hard on him/her/them.

This is all a manifestation of fear and following the crowd bullshit. I swear that is all it is. And I understand how powerful that notion is, that concept. I know how terrifying it can be to move away from the thing that everyone subscribes to. You will be called brave even though you feel anything but courageous. People will tell you that you’re unique and march to the beat of your own drum.

 You know what they really want to say? Holy fucking shit, you are insane. What are you thinking? You will never ever find someone if you think that way or feel that way. You will be perceived as difficult and challenging and just an overall pain in the ass. No one wants to be around that, not when they can find something that is simpler and more palatable.

I’m going to tell you something that might be hard to hear. That might be true. It might be really hard or even impossible to find someone based on the box you’ve created for yourself. Does that mean you are a loser who is destined to be alone or does that mean you are better off kicking ass as a solitary figure for the time being? Why not use those feelings and that sentiment as an impetus to nourish friendships, hobbies, and professional endeavors? Why not focus on growing yourself?

I have said it before but I will say it again and again and again. It is now 2021. We can continue to rely on the same antiquated bullshit or we can decide to forge our own path to worthy. We are fucking snowflakes. Not the derogatory political bullshit. The kind of snowflakes that are beautiful and entirely unique. How could we possibly have some one-size-fits-all situation when relationships when we are all so fucking different deep down inside?

I don’t like to wear tights once it’s like 45 degrees. It’s my thing. Under 45 degrees, tights. 45 and over? Bare legs. I get looks and not because I have long glamorous stems but because it looks bat shit crazy. I don’t care. I love the feel of the air on my legs and the freedom. It makes me happy. Most women wear tights in such weather but I do not. This is a terribly silly example, but you get the point, right? We have to decide for ourselves what we want. Men or women who stay routinely in touch. No tights in 45 degrees. Gluten free Oreos on Halo Top every night.

Write your own story. Start today.

Have a great weekend.

xo

L.