I feel like I am going to start waxing poetically about gratitude and several of you are going to feel frustrated for so many reasons. I get it though, but I’m still not going to back down. I’m still not going to give up and I’m still not going to let you off the hook.
I don’t want to get into something super political here, but I feel very comfortable that our society is suffering from a shared lack of gratitude. We are so focused on what we need and what we want and we are so fucking self-directed that we are all making decisions that hurt us and each other. We are making life altering decisions that are wreaking havoc on everything and quite frankly, it sucks.
I think it’s really important that we dive into this guys. I do. Stop saying that you are someone who practices gratitude. Stop posting dumb memes online that tells the world how grateful you are for the ocean and your friends and your family and your life. I mean do it, but only if you mean it. Only do those things if your gratitude practice extends beyond the tip of your nose. Does it?
I can tell you that I have spent a good deal of time shifting in and out of bratty behavior over the last year. I’ve felt incredibly frustrated by what’s been going on in the world, how people are acting, the state we are in, and even the decisions that I’ve made. That’s right. I’ve decided to act a certain way and then I’ve felt incredibly pissed off at myself that I made that decision. I’ve felt envious of those making other decisions. Jealous of their freedom and expression of such.
Fuck that. I’m really trying very hard to move out of that space right now. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t wake up every morning like Snow White, smelling flowers and smiling and patting bunny rabbits’ heads. That much I do not do. However, I do try and take stock. I don’t just make grandiose statements, but I try to explore the origin of those thoughts and get into the weeds of why they are actually meaningful.
I can say every day that I am grateful for a job. I mean it. I do. But, I have shitty days. I have days where I feel frustrated and disappointed and maligned and upside down. That’s okay, because I can have those days and still pay homage to my employed state.
Someone stole my identity and filed for unemployment over the last few months. Has anyone had that happen to them? Man was I pissed. I had to spend a good deal of time doing all the things you have to do when this happens to you. Last night I took a breath. I am pissed and I am hoping that this doesn’t escalate, but you know what? I have the resources to guide me through this. Moreover, I pity the person who is engaging in this desperate and terrible and illegal behavior. I can barely process what state that human has to be in to do such a thing. I’m not at a place where I can feel compassion yet, not by a long shot, but I am also not in the state of anger and unrest that I was. Lucky for me, I don’t need to file for unemployment right now. Lucky for me, my employed notified me of this fraud and advised me how to proceed. Lucky for me, I have a computer and the wherewithal to file all the claims and advise all the right people. Yeah, I’m upset, but also, I’m lucky.
This is a very tough exercise to go through most days. There are so many opportunities to feel gross right now. There are so many things that a human can go through where gratitude is the furthest thing from our minds. You know what though? I choose to be thankful. I do.
I am single and I generally despise the way that people meet these days (online dating and the like), but I’m not despondent that I don’t have a significant other. I recognize that I have so many significant persons in my life and one day, if the time is right, a human will drift in who works for me. Some days I feel a little grumpy about it, but then I get to contact a friend or my mom and bitch about it and suddenly I feel better. Just because you have a relationship doesn’t mean you are happy, so there’s that. Also, I have so much. I can picture those of you who are pissed that I’m painting this rosy picture. I feel you, hard, but this is what needs to be done.
You can spend time thinking about all the ways in which your life is shitty. You can spend time shifting the responsibility of your happiness onto others (i.e. when I get a new job, when I have a boyfriend/girlfriend, when my friendship is righted, etc.) but that lack of control breeds dissatisfaction and ultimately, unhappiness. Thinking about all the things that we don’t have robs us of our joy.
Sometimes we have to shift in life. I fucking love bagels and pizza and BOOM celiac diagnosis. Lucky for me, I’m not severe so I can cheat a little, but only a little. I had to shift. I’ve been injured before and not been able to walk or run. I had to shift. I’ve ended relationships or been broken up with. I had to shift. I’ve had new bosses, car accidents, and friendships failures. I’ve had to shift. Yes, I had moments where I was genuinely resentful that I had to shift but then you know what I did, I fucking shifted.
This life is so precious. It is. We are so lucky to have it. There are so many people that don’t have the choice. They are given a rotten lot and their time is short or filled with pain and chaos. Who are we to make crap out of the beauty that is a free and open life? You want to spend your time bitching and moaning about all the empty spaces? Go for it. Not me. I’m going to see all the light in between. I’m going to learn from what hurts me. I’m going to grow from what impacts me. I’m going to live my life in the best way that I can. I WILL have shitty days and I know that, but it’s not about having those days, it’s what we do with it.
Go forth into the worth. Be grateful. Start with today. You woke up today. Start with that.
Good weekend.
x
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 