Okay. So we can admit that these things happen. What now? Cool. We are so much smarter, right? Nope. We aren’t. How do we get smarter? Well that happens when we start to do something. Do something? Yeah something. We have to look at these shifts in perspective and the way in which our world is rocked by little shit and determine what that means for our much bigger picture.
Maybe sometimes that understanding is critical because when we take a closer look at the shit that bugs us, we might start to see that our reactions or feelings are monumental not because we’ve uncovered some secret source of pain and discomfort that we were previously ignorant to, but that something deep and hidden inside of us is trying desperately to surface.
Huh?
Yes. Sometimes we are unhappy with different paradigms or relationships but we are not really letting ourselves own that knowledge, that awareness. It’s only when we are toppled because of something seemingly inconsequential that we ask ourselves what in the fuck is actually going on.
Let’s back up for a minute because I might have lost you somewhere along the way because I did indeed pivot. We started out with a life lesson or two whereas I used a clever little tale to explain how everything in our world is about our POV and also, there is always the possibility for little shit to happen that turns us all the way around.
Where did I land? Well, those bits of wisdom are thoughts I subscribe to, but to what end? I think it’s really important that we aggregate this so-called data and look big picture at what it means for us in the greater scheme.
I’m trying so hard lately to find my place in the world. I feel so sure of everything some days and then other days I feel like I’m perpetually caught in the rinse cycle. You know what I mean, right? That damn timer seems to read two minutes for an hour. Ugh.
It’s not just the state of things either. It’s not just the pandemic or the way the world has reacted to it. Sure, that part has brought with it a laser focus. A clarity. A push for examination. Why?
Well, during the worst of times we often get to see people’s truest nature in the most real way. I might have “friends” who use me. If I look real hard and super close and scoop my ego out of the equation, I wonder if there’s anything real to our friendship. Any substance. I know I have good qualities. No, great qualities, but I’m also pretty sure that our connection is one that is more form over substance. Convenience. I am needed and around when the chosen ones are not. I’m a back up plan or a time filler for when the other people or situations aren’t quite working out the way they’d like to.
The reality is that during the best of times it may not be as evident to me that these people are well, using me. Or I see it but it’s easier to be okay with it or push it aside. Take a world where everything shuts down and the world gets smaller and suddenly there’s so much time to look at all the things. In that world, the abuse or shallowness of a relationship is more in your face. The disappointment is more pervasively felt.
When life is busy and there are other distractions, we may not be as apt to change things. We don’t have to. There’s less scrutiny because there’s so much else that distracts us. I can be bummed out that I don’t hear from a friend but then I make other plans and while it still pricks me, it’s not such a sharp sting. Just a little tiny blip on the radar.
This goes in the other direction too, as you might imagine. There’s great utility in gaining insight from a shitty situation but there is also a danger. Without a lot of other shit to capture our attention or suck up our energy, we might lean into catastrophizing. I don’t just slowly move back from someone or slow things down a bit. I lose my shit. I want them to get it, to really get it. I want to burn things to the ground. I want all the apologies and all the recognition and all the things. I want fixes and plans. I don’t want quiet resolution. I want scorched earth. Maybe I obsess over the parts that are broken more pervasively too. I see the cracks and no matter what, I can’t unsee them. I’m edgy and frustrated. I’m ornery.
Does this sound familiar to you? Maybe not. Maybe you are one of those folks that can just roll through. More than that…maybe you are someone who tells yourself that you have enough shit to contend with right now, so even though you see the brokenness in a relationship, you aren’t about to shift that situation one bit.
No criticism here. Sometimes it is easier to pull away and close your eyes when everything is topsy turvy. Sometimes the thought of fixing is just too much to bear on top of what is already too much to bear.
Or, maybe not. Maybe this is your time.
Maybe all the little shit is driving you fucking insane at work because it’s truly time to move on. Sometimes the little things in your friendships or relationships are relentlessly irking you because it’s time to make real changes.
Can you do it? Are you ready? Yes, you can. That much I know. The second part is entirely up to you. If you aren’t ready yet, you will be eventually.
I’ll be here.
x
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 