Ready for my truth today? I am really fucking tired. I know, cue all the memes about adults always being tired. And yet, I am. I am trying to figure out how to institute some sort of balance but right now, I am decidedly out of balance. There is no question.
There are so many directions I can go with this line of thinking or what I am feeling, as you might imagine. Boundaries. Chasing happiness. Saying no. Saying yes. Self-exploration. The list is long and the subject pool is vast and deep. I can also circle right back to the story of disconnection I’ve been weaving for you over the last couple of days.
How?
Well, I feel like I am having something of an out of body experience right now. I am deeply unsatisfied in one particular part of my life, but I am floating above that sentiment so that I can just get shit done. Have you ever been there? Have you ever been stuck and you can’t figure a way out and so, you just doggy paddle? I like to think that I am doing something more impactful or meaningful than treading water, but if I’m honest, I’m not sure that I am. I make that qualification under the guise of productivity.
I do, therefore I am. Right? Nope. Not really, but as I’ve mentioned before, we do magical and mystical things in an effort to feel normal and happy. We do amazing things to convince ourselves that all is right in the world. Sometimes it’s because, as I mentioned, we are scared to do the work because (i) the exploration is too intense or (ii) we can’t identify an immediate solution and so things feel bleak when we look forward.
That’s when we start to separate, just like I’m talking about. I haven’t taken an exercise rest day in some time because I deal with my emotional shit through inhales and exhales and body movement. This morning I did. It wasn’t just a day off. Not at all. It was an admission. I looked at myself in the mirror and said “hey girl, hey, give yourself a break. Start with one day and move from there.” This is no easy feat because it jump-starts the journey. It starts me on the path where I take a close look at exactly how I got here, tired and sore.
How did I? Well, I feel a bit jammed up and so I am relentlessly pursuing the situations I can control because those that I have no control over feel so incredibly shitty. I guess the question becomes how we start to live more comfortably with the stuff that makes us uncomfortable and, ahem, may not be changing anytime soon.
I’ve already talked about the call to change. Right? We find ourselves drifting away from all the things and we acknowledge that this is a coping strategy and then we decide to do the work and get to the bottom of all the sludge that’s troubling us. Right? I did touch on the stuff that is immovable, but just a pinky toe touch and no more. There is so much more to this that we have to discuss. I also want us to briefly discuss how we differentiate disconnection from the kind of self-love that allows us to take a pause.
Let’s jump into this real fast.
What happens when we look at a situation and realize that although we’d like it to change, we can’t change it? There are so many examples of this, some more intense than others. A few? A bad job when we can’t find employment elsewhere, the care of a parent or child, a difficult housing scenario. These are all situations where we may be able to make small itty bitty changes but we don’t really have the ability to move the mountain in any sort of major or grandiose way. Not even a little.
What then? Well, we have to cope. I know I’ve talked about this a million times, but since I routinely forget how to cope, I’m going to guess that I am not alone there and it bears repeating.
What does coping mean? Does that mean blind and passive acceptance? NO! That just means that we have to find a way to not let a situation kill us while we figure out how to make meaningful shifts that may move us out of the real danger zone. Five minutes of meditation or yoga. An earlier bedtime. A snack or walk break in the middle of a very long work day (that might prolong the day but also gives you a moment of peace). Choosing not to get into it on a particular issue that time because it won’t really change anything and it preserves your sanity. You know what I’m talking about, right? I cannot tell you exactly what this looks like for YOU. You just have to find your way. Example: I have a friend that eats Cool Ranch Doritos when she is having a shit day. She said that she knows they are garbage food but they make her happy and so, she allows herself that moment. May seem silly to you, but for her, it’s a hug. You feel me?
Okay, last but not least, how do we determine disconnection from this acts of self-love or self-preservation? Well, the issue itself should ultimately stay front of mind on some level. Do you know what I mean by that? Like whatever it is that we are doing is not a method to FORGET about the thing or resign ourselves to the thing or slip into complacency. It’s just a way for us to survive. To get through the days. To find spots of happiness or silver linings on very cloudy and crappy days.
When you find yourself saying ‘I guess it’s not so bad’ you might be shifting towards disconnection. However, if you say ‘it sucks, but I’m trying to find a way to deal’ then you are exactly where you need to be.
Does that resonate with you?
I really hope so. I was grumpy as fuck today but this just made me feel better. Ten minutes of writing to the universe.
Have a brilliant day/night/moment.
Talk soon.
L.
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