When I was a kid and I used to complain about how it appeared as though someone had it better or easier, I was encouraged to have an appreciation for what I have and not worry so much about others. That’s not to say I was told to disregard others, but envy and greed were discouraged. If something that someone had was attainable through hard work, then I was told to consider putting in the work to get there. That doesn’t mean I didn’t ever experience wanting or jealousy. I did. I’m human. I was just raised with perspective and on some level, that seems to help.
You know what else helps? Recognizing that we don’t really ever know how other people are, what they are thinking, how they feel, or what they want.
It’s a weird balancing act, really. What do I mean by that? Well, you don’t want to assume that people’s lives are shitty to feel better about your own state. You also shouldn’t assume that people’s lives are amazing based on what you see on the outside. Last but not least, whether someone’s life seems awesome or shitty, you should try your best to stay in your own life and headspace.
I know, tall order.
We live in a society that thrives off comparison. Social media is quite literally a breeding ground for comparative behavior. THIS is how you should look. THIS is the home/relationship/haircut/outfit you should want. THIS is how you should feel about these issues. When all of that is in our faces, how do we have the strength to turn away? To disconnect? To pave our own path? And how do we do all of that without saying “well, ___________ is fake anyway, so what’s the difference?”
What am I really asking? How do we get to ‘okay’ with what we have, even if it’s not what we envisioned for our lives or what we really want?
Before I dive in, I want to make sure that it’s clear that I don’t think any of this is easy. I’m not suggesting that you should give up on dreams or goals that you haven’t achieved yet or that may seem a bit out of reach. I’m not suggesting that life isn’t going to hand you disappointment from time to time (to time). I have been very disheartened by shit I’ve been through over my lifetime. I mean, that’s where all of this started (this blog), right?
I can’t write you a formula. Fuck, if I could write such a recipe, I’d be rich.
I’m working on this right now. That said, I have to be completely transparent about what has made things a little easier lately. It’s not going to make me look great, but it’s honest and that’s what I’m about here. I have two friends that are in committed relationships. One is married and the other is in a serious relationship where they are living together. Both have posted beautiful photos on Instagram and Facebook for months. Happy, happy, joy, joy. Both confided in me in the last week that things are anything but what they seem. I didn’t feel glad to hear of their struggles. I felt humbled and grounded. I experienced compassion. I felt sad. I regrouped. I reconsidered. I took a step back.
I felt grateful for my peace. I felt grateful for my solitude. I felt grateful for my boredom. I felt grateful for status quo. For NOT the first time, I thought about what I really want. For NOT the first time, I realized that I have no fucking idea. For NOT the first time, I realized that what I want changes almost daily. Professional dreams. Personal aspirations. Relationship goals.
So, what’s really different? Well, for the first time, that changing landscape is truly based off me and me alone. I am not looking outside and formulating thoughts. I’m diving deep within and trying to sort shit out. The troubles of my friends didn’t scare me off relationships. They reminded me that nothing is as it seems. They reminded me that what I aspire to and what I dream of should be based on the most realistic appraisal of things that I can conjure.
What does that mean? The grass is always greener. Someone’s significant other/ spouse/ home/ children/ pets/skills/job always appears different than it actually is, even if it’s really great. A human is not the solution to your unhappiness or even your loneliness. We never know what another human is thinking. There are assholes at every job, just different ones at different places. People and things can’t satisfy emptiness. They only give you a temporary feeling of full. We always glorify someone once they are gone. We always make more of a situation once it’s over. We often crave what we can’t have. You can dye your hair, get your lashes done, invest in expensive sneakers, or get fillers, and you will still be you. You can lose weight, gain weight, and get plastic surgery. You will still be you. I’m just getting started, but you get it, I hope.
To the best of our ability, we have to accept who we are and what our life is, at present. That doesn’t mean that nothing is going to change. Life is all about the ups and downs, good and bad, happy and unhappy. That’s why it’s even more critical that we find solid nuggets to cling to.
It’s easy to spend time feeling sorry for yourself. I’m not judging you for that because man, have I been there. The real trick is not staying there. The real trick is finding yourself in the universe amongst expectations and fellow humans and happiness and harm. Finding yourself solidly in the flotsam and jetsam.
Life is always tough and it’s definitely tougher than usual lately. The world is opening back up (too soon, just in time, whatever your feelings) but that just adds new dimensions of weirdness and struggle. Most of us adjusted to a new normal and now we are readjusting. We are tweaking our routines and habits, and reengaging in a way that we haven’t in quite some time. Even if you were rejecting what was being told to you, the world has still changed and that can make things weird and difficult. The only real chance we have of swimming out of this whirlpool is figuring out who we really are and what we really want and what we are going to do in the meantime.
This is just an intro. A little dip into what I want to explore. Consider yourself introduced.
More soon.
Oh, and happy Monday is fucking over y’all.
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 