Happier with Nothing.

“I don’t need another collar

I don’t need another hat

I don’t need to leave this small town

It don’t matter where I’m at

‘Cause I’m happy being me the most

When I let what makes me happy go

And I finally learned what I need to know

I am happier with nothing…”

-Avett Brothers, Untitled #4

A friend of mine recently recommended the above referenced song to me. I like the Avett Brothers a lot (highly recommend if you enjoy folk/bluegrass) but hadn’t stumbled upon this one yet. I did as I’m apt to do and played the song no less than ten times after a first listen. The lyrics bounced around my head and I just couldn’t clear them out.

My very first thought was that those lines were crazy talk. Who is happier with nothing? And then I dug deeper. I thought how true and powerful those words are on every level. You know what I’m going to say, right? Attachments. Expectations. Pre-conceived notions. These concepts, the reality of such, is what shapes our disappointment. Our crash landing into a reality that seemingly falls short. If we strip away these ideas, what are we left with? Well, ourselves. This very moment and nothing outside of it.

I’ve circled around this thought before but it’s really fucking powerful.

The truth is that I could hear these lyrics and say, well gosh, sure, I should just let go and then voila, happiness. What is really going through my head is that we don’t just sit in blissful states as humans. We vacillate. We ebb and flow. We commit to ideas and then we backtrack. We move forward and  then we rescind.

You may be happier disconnecting, but what does that take from you? I suppose the real question is whether you’d rather be challenged in life and understand that comes at a cost from time to time, or whether you’d rather remain on the surface of it all (blissful ignorance). Just because I expressed that I’m not sure the latter is a place I want to reside has nothing to do with you. Maybe you feel like your life would be better and simpler and far more enjoyable all around if you could just get there?

I understand that thought process and I’d be lying if I told you that there weren’t times in my life when I felt that very way. I have. Mostly after very difficult and heart wrenching experiences. When I have been harmed, like many I know, I seek ways to alleviate my pain. I want to get back to better as quickly as possible. A very reasonable and logical thought pattern after harm is the avoidance of such. As we typically don’t have an abundance of faith in ourselves or the universe after a traumatic event, we typically default to a broad stroke solution. What’s the quick fix? How can I make myself feel better as fast as possible, and how do I prolong that feeling of ‘okay-ness’? Easy. I will detach. I will avoid like the plague that thing that presumably harmed me and I will not have to feel that way for a very long time.

That actually may be true. It is entirely possible that removing yourself from situations that are fraught with emotionality and well, human interaction, will allow you to stay more even keeled. But, they will also remove you from all the good juicy stuff that comes with being human. Remove sadness? Sure, but you’ll probably remove ecstatic joy also. You might be happy, but the flat kind of happy that is decidedly closer to the middle of the scale. Catapult yourself away from rage? Sure, but I’m fairly certain you’ll also be crossing passion off your list of things to feel.

It is unquestionably safer to ride down the middle of the lane. It is. I get it. The truth is, that we don’t need most of the shit we have to deal with, at all. We choose it though. And sure, you might tell me that it’s all biological and societal pressure propelling us, but I beg to differ. I’m sure that’s what jump started this whole human business, but at this point, we’ve reached a different point in the road. We place two feet squarely in the game because we understand the potential upside. We take a chance because while we may fail and break bits and parts in the process, we may succeed. We may experience indescribable pleasure.

I’ve never had children, but I’ve always been fascinated by women and childbirth. It’s an outrageously painful process but many women, if desiring so and capable, will go through it more than once. There have been tales that speak of women forgetting this pain. They have amnesia which is why they decide to subject themselves to that kind of agony more than once. Nope. No. Women remember. They do. They might block out certain parts of the event, but they don’t lose all recollection of what they went through. So, why then? Well, the child at the end of it. They decide that the reward is greater than the risk. The pain is an acceptable means to an end. The human brain and heart tell women that they will suffer, but that suffering will pay off in the end, and they buy in.

This is why we attempt relationships after we’ve been in so many terrible ones, go back to a sport when we’ve broken a bone, eat a food when it’s made us sick. What if this time, it’s different? What if? Sure, I could spare myself pain, but WHAT IF? What if I am missing out in my quest for avoidance and status quo? Is it worth it?

Well, yeah. Sometimes it is. That’s the truth of the matter. From time to time, we write people and hobbies and experiences off. We decide that the end game does not justify the potential pain or embarrassment or difficulty. More often than not though, we jump in again.

That’s the thing about being human. We are so fucking resilient that it blows my mind. So yeah, you might be happier with nothing, but compared to what?

I’ll take something. Every time.

L.