Our intern’s last day was today. He was lovely and I’m sad to see him go. That’s a lot coming from me because I was certainly a little grumpy about his arrival. I was overwhelmed and it felt like a big part of the responsibility in guiding him fell into my lap and I was just being sullen and judge-y. BUT, as I always encourage all of you to do, despite my cranky disposition, I opened my mind and well, heart. I decided to see how things shook out. I decided to make the best out of a challenging situation.
Well, I am so very glad that I did. Not only was SI (summer intern) intelligent and eager and helpful, but also, kind. What a winning combination. I actually felt guilty that I didn’t have more time to really give him the attention that he so richly deserved. I tried though. I really did.
However, this is not some misguided love letter to SI. This is just a story where he plays a role and thus, I felt it was important to introduce him. Not because he is pivotal to the story, but more due to the reasons I mentioned above. He was a pleasure to work with and therefore, I felt deserved some acknowledgement, rather than just being a face in the crowd.
I decided to be a human and bring in lunch for his last day. Twas the least I could do, as outside of my mild neglect, he had experienced some ups and downs during his tenure with us. We were talking and somehow the topic of previous jobs came up. Anyway, I regaled SI with the story about the first time I was offered big money. I’m not going to be crude or disrespectful and mention the figure in this post, but needless to say, the ‘big money’ tagline is borderline ironic. And yet, at the time, I was over the moon. Ecstatic.
I called friends. I expressed a desire to be a generous benefactor. Let’s have a meal. Cocktails. Brunch. A vacation. It was more money than I had ever earned and I was thrilled and shocked and spinning out.
Now, if I told a young person today that I would be willing to pay them the salary I was offered at that time, they would likely laugh in my face. Part of that interaction would be attributable to market adjustment over time and part would be culture and perspective.
I think the first part of that is pretty simple to understand. Over time, the value of the dollar shifts. Inflation, changing priorities, etc. The second part? That has everything to do with the very fabric and foundation of our society and is less clear.
How does that really work? Outside of the ‘shit to buy has gotten more expensive, so I need to make more’ scenario, how does the change happen? What makes a 22 or 24-year-old go into firm and feel comfortable demanding to make what I was making after ten years of service? Dare I suggest that it’s possible that there is a sense of worth that’s been ingrained in certain young folk? Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I feel bent because their sense of self seems a big over inflated, but as a general concept, I’m not super offended.
So, then I started thinking about two separate but related topics. First, I found myself wondering whether this was mostly a male thing or whether there are females who embrace the same confidence. Secondly, I explored what it might be like if folks (women in particular) of my generation and slightly younger, were able to soak up some of that ‘go fuck yourself if you don’t like me’ vibe.
Regarding the first point, while I think that younger men and women both embrace the type of world/life approach I’m speaking of, I do think that there exists some modicum of disparity between the sexes (as is always the case). But, I still think young women are ahead of the game where someone like me is concerned. As to the second point, wow. I don’t know. When I even think about it, the head blowing off emoji comes to mind.
I had a conversation with a friend and fellow businesswoman whereas we both shared that we deal with low level sexual harassment because we know that if we attempted to deal with it, nothing good would happen. There’s always something nice about being likeminded with someone you care for and respect, but I an assure you that when it comes to that topic, if you’re half way decent, you want to be on an island unto yourself. I was bummed out to hear that she had experienced similar situations and felt the same way that I did/do.
This post is not a long-winded diatribe that ends in a lecture on sexual harassment in the workplace. Not because it’s not a subject I’m passionate about, but more because it’s just not my point. Not right now. My point is the compromises that we make as a result of the culture that been baked into us. Hard.
Be nice.
Don’t make waves.
Keep your head down.
Gratitude is the name of the game.
Don’t ask for more than you are given.
Don’t complain.
If you have to complain about anything, make it something important and relevant, and by relevant, I mean something that’s important to other people who are more important than you.
Understand that you are going to have to deal with little shit and big shit and the big shit may feel like too much to bear sometimes, but please stick to the above rules when contending with such.
Always make people feel like something is their idea. It’s easier but also, it’s easier.
Oh yeah. Be nice.
Who the fuck can be nice when rolling with all that shit? Is it even possible not to lose one’s mind when faced with that kind of crazy? The answer is no. And yet, you don’t have the luxury of doing so.
Let’s come full circle, shall we? I still carry with me the joy and appreciation I felt the day I was awarded a salary that was more than I had ever anticipated being paid. That look-back keeps me grounded. It enables me to encourage the people around me, particularly young people, to seek opportunities to be the same. I left SI with my own warped wisdom. Know your worth. Demand your worth but in a way that’s respectable and respectful and appropriate. Keep your mind open to learning. You have so much fucking shit to learn (as do I). Celebrate all the little shit in between the big stuff, because it makes life better to do so. You will have to eat crow sometimes and bite your tongue some other times, but choose those moments wisely.
Also, be nice.
Have a great weekend.
X
L.
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