I was reflecting this morning about my growth. I am aware that sounds kind of pompous but it’s not actually. It is said from a place of great humility. It is my firm belief that we cannot continue to make meaningful changes unless we have a solid sense from whence we came. Along the same lines, we also need to understand where we might be dragging ass a little (or a lot).
I have felt stuck from time to time but then I look back at how far I’ve come, and I feel less hopeless. I actually feel motivated. Without the recognition that I’m able to effect change in my life, I would likely be resistant to putting a good deal of effort into that endeavor. You know what I mean, right? The whole ‘what’s the point?’ business.
On the same accord, when we give ourselves too much credit or overlook the places where we might be stalling, we don’t have the opportunity to truly examine and adjust. Perhaps my approach is too aggressive or maybe it’s too soft. If whatever it is that I am doing doesn’t seem to be working, logic would hold that I need to take a different tactic.
Trust me, I understand that we typically avoid looking too closely when it comes to these topics or trouble spots so that we don’t have to change, but that’s no way to live. Well, that’s not fair. It IS a way to live, just not the way I want to live. So, I handle shit a little differently. At the risk of overthinking, I look pretty damn close at all of this. All of it.
When I reported to someone incredibly close to me this morning that I was barely triggered by a friend’s cold and callous behavior and resisted the urge to react, the response I received was as follows: ‘oh, I thought you didn’t do that anymore, at all.’ The ‘do that’ referred to my overly solicitous behavior I typically employ to fix tense situations.
It was a perfectly innocent and well-intended response. Of course, I got defensive because #humanness, but there was no reason. The words I spoke (though perhaps spoken in a fashion that was just a scotch too brittle) were completely on point. I told my confidante that I want to get to a place where I have no reaction at all, internally or externally, but given that this is patterning I’ve employed the whole of my forty years on this earth. I’m not quite there yet. Close, but no cigar, if you will.
That’s the truth. You know what I did there? I gave myself some grace. I know I keep bringing up that idea or phrase, but that’s just because it is a really important part of staying on the path to worthy. I’m not talking about letting yourself off the hook or moving to a place of zero accountability. What I’m referring to is marking and acknowledging your progress in a way that’s reasonable. Working to understand what is actually possible.
Let’s put this into perspective. A friend of mine told me that she wanted to work with a particular trainer because she knows one of his clients who lost 60 pounds in less than a year. To put this into context, this person was not and is not obese (the client). Sixty pounds is near insanity, in my humble opinion. Anyway, while this tidbit excited my friend, it gave me the creeps. All my innards and instincts were screaming ‘too fast’ and ‘too much’ and ‘too soon’ and ‘super unhealthy’. The truth is, there is very little in life that sticks or is worth it that happens quickly.
I’ve touched on this concept before, but let’s do a little refresher for fun. We live in a society fueled off instant gratification. People opt for pills over therapy (not as supplement to, but in lieu of) and crash diets instead of lifestyle adjustments. I can’t tell you how many friends I have who meet someone and fret over not hearing from them straight away. My response is always the same ‘you don’t even KNOW them yet’. We skip apartments and go for the house we can’t afford. Why have one dog when you can have two? This isn’t abundance and gratitude and excitement. This is a loss of perspective. By the way, any one of the things I just listed can be healthy under the right circumstances, but I am very clearly referring to circumstances that are not the greatest.
We lack patience. We lack an appreciation for the work and time that real changes take. We lack an understanding for how long it takes to unlearn bad habits or break away from people who have harmed us. The most failure I witness (I am including myself in this bucket) falls into two categories, as follows: (i) I want what I want right now and if I don’t get it, I might as well give up, or (ii) I have gotten cocky with the small but meaningful progress I’ve made, and I plow forward and undo all the good I’ve done. There are a million other ways to trip up, but I think you get what I’m saying here. Find the middle. Seek the average spot. Mind your place in line. Celebrate the small victories but not so much that you fall off course. Be brave but not cocky. Be realistic. Be kind to yourself. Challenge yourself to do better, all the damn time.
Does that last piece of advice confuse you? I get it. It might seem contradictory to other bits of guidance I’ve tossed your way. You have to find the balance between celebrating progress and keeping things moving forward. There is a danger zone that lies around that tightrope walk. I’ve teetered and tottered with the best of ‘em and I’ve witnessed many around me doing the same. We feel so comfortable in how we’ve handled things that we get arrogant. There’s a lot of ‘I don’t give a shit’ and ‘I got this’ and we do, and we don’t.
Be real. You don’t owe anyone, anything. This goes back to what we’ve been chatting about. It’s your story. Own it. It’s your life. Live it. So, what if it takes you longer to get in shape or get over a relationship? It’s your journey.
You know what that looks like? I don’t tell myself I’m rock steady solid when I’m not. I take a breath. I journal. I make a plan. I breathe through my anxiety. I do my best. I learn my lessons. I try again. And again. And again.
Have a beautiful weekend.
Talk soon.
x
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 