How do we put all of this together into something that’s meaningful? I told you a couple of days ago that people make me anxious. I meant it. I wish I didn’t, but it’s the damn truth. Even the most reliable people in your life will surprise you sometimes, and mostly, I’ve found the surprises to be most unwelcome. Sometimes we don’t care for the change because we are so used to a reliable situation and then other times, the change is so monumental that a negative reaction is unavoidable.
When we attach ourselves too significantly to the notion that people will be who we expect them to be, we are mostly disappointed and unhappy. Worse, we struggle with our own identity in the world, just like I spoke about yesterday. It’s so damn hard. In fact, sometimes it seems nearly impossible. But it isn’t, impossible. There are so many ways that we can grow as humans and adapt. It’s one of the most beautiful things about us. I think the real issue is figuring out what that looks like and how we find the perfect spot for ourselves.
Well, first we need to know that things will never be perfect. But, they will be good for a certain period of time, and that’s good stuff.
Recently I chatted about the notion that we need to gives ourselves credit when we make progress in any area of our lives. I explained that when we do this, it gives us the boost we need to keep on going. If we constantly remind ourselves that we are incapable of change and condemn ourselves for mistakes we’ve made, we end of spending more time self-chastising than growing, and who needs that?
So, I try to assess how I move through things in a very real and meaningful way. I don’t throw a party when I am not triggered by someone, but I do acknowledge my strength and resolve. It’s all about balance. That’s always what it is really about.
Do you cut yourself slack? Do you celebrate the little things or just sit anxiously awaiting something more powerful and bigger? It’s not easy. I know you’ve seen that saying that reads like you can do 100 things right and 1 thing wrong and you’ll focus on the one thing you’ve fucked up. Or, 100 people can tell you that you are amazing and one person can tell you that you suck, and it’s all about that one person who is criticizing you. It’s the truth, but what some people fail to point out is the reason that ‘works’ is because there is something that lives within you that is triggered or set off by the thing that one person said.
There is something inside of you that firmly believes that thing or sees a situation in a certain way and so the conversation or the interaction is just reinforcing something that already exists. That’s the truth. It’s very hard to topple a structure that is rock steady solid with no cracks. Sure, it might happen on occasion but if I had to guess, those moments are far and few between.
You know what I’m going to say, right? We need not only work on how we engage with the world around us, but we need to use those opportunities to identify those cracks. We need to look closely and see where there are vulnerabilities and understand what we can do in the way of fortification. How can WE change? How can WE grow stronger? Simply interacting again and again with your flaws being pointed out won’t change much of anything. You need to understand why that lives within you and what might move the needle.
You might be a little annoyed with me by this time, because I keep coming back to a similar theme. I do that because it’s something that I’ve never really gotten right. I am trying now though. I am really working to try and move things in the right direction. I no longer tell myself that I got this because I recognize that I don’t go this. I understand that this is an area where I get tripped up and I need to mind my steps. I need to proceed with caution. I know that there are people who throw themselves into things and deal with the fallout, but I know that I cannot be that person. It’s not possible. I have been that person historically, just a few times and it completely destroyed me. So, I don’t do it now. I mind myself and my words and my actions. I still suffer greatly, but there is something different in my suffering. There are lessons and there is growth.
I would love to tell you that people change in the way that we need and want them to. Sometimes they do, but this is because they want to and not because we want them to. It just doesn’t work that way. This is part of that anxiety for me. Again, I should be clear that I am not anxious because I expect everyone to think and act like me. That would be pretty horrifying actually. It’s because I don’t always know how to respond to people because we are so different. We view the world differently and we prioritize differently and for those reasons and many others, I just don’t know how to manage.
I also don’t have a deep desire to monologue someone into submission or deeply wound anyone. It’s not my place to do so. Do you understand the difference in the approach and assessment here? Am I making sense? This isn’t about you telling someone that they are a shitty person and that they need to change. This is about you telling someone that you engage differently with the world and in order to move forward, you BOTH need to change or else you just need to figure it out. Maybe it’s about you setting certain boundaries or maybe it’s taking some space or maybe it’s being honest and admitting that someone is just no good for you. Any one of those things could be true. I’m not writing this part of the story for you. I’m simple sharing that the soul growth comes when we acknowledge that there is work to be done and we start to take steps forward.
This is also not about telling anyone that you plan to do something. I mean sure, you can share that information, but I’ve found that you usually end up setting yourself up in the process. Give yourself room to figure it out. SLOWLY.
x
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 