Well, hey there. How was the weekend? Mine was glorious. A few hiccups but nothing to do with my company or our activities. Just external forces. Friendships. Relationships. The world. Ya know, little baby shit. Anyway, I promised last week that I would discuss what happens if you get stung and I am a woman of my word, so that’s today’s chat session topic.
Right at this moment you might be thinking how that’s not likely to be you. You are the person who does everything right all the time. Or perhaps you are the human who just has really incredible luck. I’m here to tell you that I’m not either of those humans, so I come from the outside when I tell you that even with all the preparation in the world or the best of fortunes, you can still find yourself with an angry welt and a case of the ouchies.
People surprise us in the best ways possible, but they also find a way to surprise us in the worst ways. They do. That’s not to say that you should walk around with a giant chip on your shoulder. Rather, you should just be realistic when you are appraising situations. When making decisions about the ‘what next’, you might want to consider that any random thing can happen at any moment.
I’ve discussed this with you before, and perhaps you’ve had your own experiences. The people that struggle the most with this concept are those who tend to hard core compartmentalize, those who live in fantasy land, or those who feel very shitty about themselves.
For those with the skillset to compartmentalize (often a male trait- but I’m not sexist so it’s for anyone, really), rather than being informed by experiences they’ve had with other humans, they bury the lead such that they see each situation anew. There’s no ability to aggregate data to form an opinion that people can surprise you in the shittest of ways. I’m not sure I need to advise you about those who live in la-la land, but in case I do, they are on a different planet. They are so busy focusing on an unrealistic vision of what should be or could be, that they often fail to see what is right in front of their noses. Folks who feel shitty about themselves, well…you know this gig, right? The thing is, feeling bad about yourself can live amongst the other categories and many others.
When we feel terrible about ourselves, it drives how we see and approach the world. It pushes us to accept behavior that we don’t deserve, or to interpret behavior whereas we are being victimized because we aren’t worthy. If only we were more resilient, we wouldn’t have attracted that damn jellyfish to begin with and nothing would have went down the way that it did. The jellyfish doesn’t sting others. It seeks us out because we are pre-established victims. The world is a dangerous and terrible place, but only for us, because we don’t deserve to live in a world where things work out.
Yikes. Sigh.
I want to be clear that despite brief proclamations, I’m not judging any of these categories, or any that I haven’t specifically mentioned. Sure, I think it becomes a bit tired when we stay stuck in any of these realms for an extended period of time, but also, I get it. I truly do. It’s hard to combat being who we have always been. It’s a struggle and a mighty one. We have to decide we want different and then we have to push through the discomfort of different. We have to step outside of victimhood. We have to stop blaming everything on everything. This is very unnerving, and many choose to stay stuck for that reason.
Anyway, I digress. What am I talking about anyway? Well, I’m saying, it’s hard to accept that the world is throwing you random obstacles and opportunities for pain when you feel like you deserve it anyway. It’s not a ‘whoa’ moment, but rather a ‘ugh, again’ moment.
Do you know what I’m getting at here? Well, before we can get to a place where we start to deal with a sting, we first have to understand that no matter what, we probably didn’t deserve to be stung. Even if we did something to deserve it, we are still entitled to lick our wounds.
That doesn’t mean you hunker down into your grief or bad fortune and tank yourself. Nah. That doesn’t solve anything at all. That just means that you need to accept what’s occurred, have a reasonable reaction (tbd), and then decide to learn and move on. Don’t stay stuck. Life is no fun on a perpetual merry-go-round. It sounds great at first, but eventually, everyone gets dizzy and barfs.
I know you are likely sick to death of this whole scenario I’ve painted, but I’m not, so let’s analogize the shit out of this situation. Once you’ve been stung by a jelly fish, you have to rinse the area, avoid rubbing, remove anything that remains, take a soak, and check with a doctor.
Real time? When you’ve been stung or wounded after taking a leap, you have to scan yourself to see where your pain lies. How deep is the wound? Allow yourself a moment away from everything to see what your feelings are like outside of all of that noise. Don’t make it worse by testing yourself. That’s bullshit. Have a bad situation with an online date? Take a hot minute off from dating. Feeling fucked over by an ex? Cleanse yourself, please. Delete. Ignore. Block. All of it. Don’t see if you can handle things when you KNOW you aren’t there. That’s silliness. Remove reminders of what hurt you to begin with because again, why push into the pain? Give yourself some serious self-love. Not pity but self-care. Take a bath. Read a book. Watch a movie. Go for a walk. Eat good food. STAY OFF SOCIAL MEDIA. If you are suffering beyond the beyond, seek professional help. No reason to suffer alone.
I know these aren’t amazing revelatory words of wisdom and yet, I have failed myself countless times by avoiding these very simple steps. I have lamented the failure of my planning and protection. I’ve felt frustrated and victimized. I’ve paddled around in a pity bath of my own making. In case you’re wondering, absolutely nothing good came from that exercise. At all. In fact, I just made the same mistakes over and over again.
So, try something new. Today.
Try it today.
x.
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 