Lately I’ve been pondering the whole ‘why bad things happen to good people’ business. Unfortunately, I’ve borne witness to some pretty shitty things happening to some incredible people, which is the origin of these thoughts. I feel frustrated.
What I’ve learned is that it’s not necessarily about the people who are telling you that they are struggling or that the universe has done them wrong. Not at all. In fact, those are the folks who usually have some ability or power to shift things and are choosing to stay stuck. Not all the time, as there are no hard and fast rules here, but often. It’s the quiet ones you have to look out for, the ones who suffer silently. The people you see getting run over, again and again. You know who I’m talking about, don’t you? They get up, but each time, it’s a little slower, a little more hesitant.
I’ve also heard 150 times the mantra that reinforces the notion that the universe is only doling out garbage to those who can handle it. That may be true, but it’s bullshit. Just because a couch is flame retardant doesn’t mean you should perpetually set it ablaze.
We tend to remark how the strongest of us tend to shine when faced with adversity and obstacles. That’s true, but sometimes I wonder if we are selfishly assigning that particular descriptor because it feels noble. Wow, look at her strength. What a rock star. How amazing. Good for her. I wish I was that strong. Yes, all of it. But also, fuck that. But also, that’s incredibly annoying. But also, what we perceive as shine is sweat from the hard work required to persevere in the face of agonizing grief.
I don’t want to mislead you here, at all. I’m not trying to take away from all the issues we all have. Life is a struggle bus and we all have things that trouble us and challenge us. There is no question. On many occasions, I have reminded you that you are entitled to your feelings. You are permitted to feel annoyed, devastated, enraged. You are allowed to feel all the things without caveats or disclaimers or comparison. You don’t have to say that you feel really crap, but at least you have your health and your job. You can just be pissed off. But then, bathe in gratitude. Eventually, transition to an awareness of what you do have and what your life is and what it could be. Celebrate all the ways in which you’ve made out like a bandit. Stop dwelling on the spaces and focus on the fullness. The richness. The reality.
I’m not talking about this every day rolling hill of emotions that is being human. I’m not talking about all the complexities of human engagement and interaction. I’m talking about the big shit. The tsunamis that bring people to their knees, begging for a break. A moment. A breath. I’m talking about people who repeatedly get pummeled and still don’t feel sorry for themselves. They still don’t ask for more or a break or an explanation. They pick themselves up and brush themselves off and keep on keeping on.
I’m talking about people near and dear to me where I want to reach into their chests and wrap my hands around their wounded hearts, and keep them there until I’m sure there are no threats lurking in dark corners, ready to cut and skewer and scar. I’m talking about people who profess okayness when they are anything but, and everyone knows it, including them. I am talking about people who don’t ask for anything at all, not even respite.
I’m talking about people that get beat up so often that I wonder the purpose of it all, of all of it. I don’t understand. I want to understand. I want to make sense of something senseless. I don’t think that life has to be daisies and puppies and cookies. I think life is a mish-mosh of all the things. But, I do believe it’s better when there’s balance and sometimes it seems like the scales are perpetually tipped in one direction.
It doesn’t make me despondent but it does light me up. It does make me think. It does pull on my sense of compassion and justice. It does make me want to do nice things. It does make me so appreciative for all the things I take for granted when I am feeling pissed off about something or other.
So yeah. I am grateful today. I am grateful for my healthy family. I am grateful for my heath. I am grateful for friends. I am grateful for a job. I am grateful for my shelter. I am grateful for access to clean water and food. I am grateful for my freedoms. I am grateful for my ability to bitch and moan about all the things that irk me on a daily basis. Today, I feel very aware of my gratitude to those who serve my country to protect those freedoms I do so appreciate.
I also feel infinitely grateful for the silent sufferers. I feel grateful for those folks I know who get handed more than they should be able to bear, and yet, they bear it. I am grateful that I can witness their strength and courage and hope and resiliency in the face of the purest pain. I am grateful to know these people, to love these people, to befriend these people, to rely on these people, to celebrate these people, to support these people.
What is my point? Well, it’s a message I’ve shared before, but right now, it bears repeating. So, here goes. Look around you and spot those silent sufferers. Take a beat and consider your own grief and make a decision to set it aside. Bask in all the things you have and everything you are and allow yourself to embrace those who doesn’t get a break very often, and complain even less.
That’s all.
Talk soon.
x
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 