Did I leave you on a shit note yesterday? I’m sorry. But also, not really. Things are about to get real intense or will at least continue to be. We know that we can’t continue to subscribe to the idea that we can control everything that matters, or even anything that matters. The second bit? The world is not a forgiving place.
Brutal, right? We can’t control what happens to us which means shitty stuff is likely going to happen. Then, when we find ourselves down and out and hope for a hug from the universe…not so much. This is sometimes the most difficult part for me. You just feel awful about things and you look outside yourself to gain perspective, reassurance, comfort. And BAM. Not so much. The world can be a very cold, very unkind, very unforgiving place. That’s the truth.
That’s a really tough spot to be in because we are looking for signs of light. We are looking for something to move towards, away from the garbage and obstacles and challenges. We want to know when things will feel easier. We want to know there’s a reason for everything or anything that happens to us. And when the universe returns a pout or a giant kick in the ass, we are often left confused and sad and lost and frustrated.
So, what? What then? Well, we have to find peace and direction in ourselves. The truth is that not everything works out in the way in which we’d like it to. I mean, I think we all know that by now, don’t we? The trick is that we have to persevere and move forward and carry on, despite the overwhelming odds against us. We have to keep on keeping on, knowing that the world can be super shitty sometimes. Many times.
I have uttered the words “the world scares me right now” more than I would ever care to in the last two years. I’m frightened of people, their opinions, their actions, their anger, their sadness, their capacity for self-harm and harm to others. More times than I can count, I laid in bed at night contemplating how things are ever going to change given the path we are currently on. I don’t think it should come as a massive surprise that those nighttime thought sessions weren’t satisfying or conducive to great rest.
The truth is that whole thought that this work is an internal job is entirely accurate. We have to begin the journey within if we want to effectuate change outside of us. It’s more than that though. We have to be committed to a thing in a way that we perhaps never have been before. We have to want something more than we ever have, and that thing has to be based in rational and reasonable thinking.
What do I mean by that? Well, I believe in dreaming big and having hope and all that jazz, but I do think that we need to be somewhat grounded in our approach to things. There needs to be a thread of realism that carries us through. Without that, we are usually setting ourselves up for failure.
If I ask the universe for a relationship to bring me happiness, the chances of that falling into my lap are pretty slim. Yes, I know, what I’m suggesting defies the whole business of manifesting. Whatever. This is my truth. If you believe in manifesting and you think it produces solid results, do your thing. Really. No criticism from me, at all. Never worked for me, so I don’t tend to move in that direction. Rather, I seek joy. I want to feel a greater sense of gratitude for the things and people in my orbit, rather than wanting. Wanting for more, for bigger, for better, for different.
In other words, I don’t set the universe up to fail. I don’t present something that I’m certain will produce dire results.
I get it though. If we accept the notion that we don’t really have control over the things that matter, it feels better to thing that there is some higher power that will do the right thing by us. If we imagine that we have no control and then, there’s not a universe righting the ship, we are really sunk. But, are we? Or is this just the way that things work?
I don’t mean that in a depressing way, at all. I don’t find that idea sad or tough to navigate. If I’m truly honest, there was likely a point in time where I would have shared with you that both of those sentiments triggered me. Why? Well, that was a time when I didn’t own my shit. There was zero accountability where I was concerned. I let other people make decisions for me, I was deeply driven by a desire to please others, and also felt fairly certain that I deserved whatever came my way. I still subscribe to the latter, but I also feel empowered to shift things. Slowly and over time, but still.
I no longer blame the universe because it’s an unforgiving place. I understand that it is. I operate within the confines of that knowledge. I make different decisions knowing that I’m not going to necessarily feel a supportive hand on my back or a giant hand in front of my face, accordingly.
I’m sure you get this, but I’m not just talking about the universe as a whole entity either. I’m talking about humans, in the most real and granular way. Humans are unforgiving. Humans are difficult. Sometimes I feel like the toughest bitch wins in this world because they just relentlessly persevere, no matter what. Manners and kindness and compassion be damned. But then, I wonder what it means to win.
What does that mean?
Mom and I were chatting the other night and she told me that she was going to change. She said that to contend with the world and certain relationships, she maybe just had to be meaner, tougher. You know what I said in return? Nah. Don’t be mean. Don’t let this shitty world and shittier people do that to you. Don’t do that. She asked what she should do then. What would I suggest? Don’t be weak I said.
Do you know what I mean by that? I don’t mean brutalize others. I mean have a backbone. Move forward, even in the face of 50 mph winds. Even in the face of the greatest opposition. Have faith, in yourself. Be honest. Be real. Don’t expect anything but work for everything.
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