You want to hear something weird? I loathe the rando holiday cards that come from all the companies I’ve done business with since the dawn of time. I don’t mean my doctor or dentist or the guy who takes care of my car inspection every year. I don’t cringe at the mini calendar that my accountant sends me, and although I’ll never ever put it on the fridge, I’m not even mad about the teeny tiny cal on a magnet sent to me by _________ (fill in the blank).
You know why it bothers me? Because it’s a fucking solicitation. It is. It’s a ‘don’t forget me when you’re choosing your next ______’. On one hand, I get it. Capitalism. Good old-fashioned competition, advertising, marketing, and very generally, attention seeking behavior. Makes sense. It’s the way the world works. Sure. Fine.
You know what the actual issue is? It feels so absolutely ridiculous. Fake. Like, let’s just all be honest with each other, no? Let’s own why we are really reaching out. Why all the pretense and horseshit? What am I suggesting here?
Well, I got this insanely fancy electronic holiday card from a long-time business contact. It was like 45 seconds long and the overarching message was ‘we are better together’. There were swirling graphics and colors galore. I nearly barfed. Really. Gag central. We are? In what way? I would have preferred a ‘we are better together….so keep us in mind for your ______ needs in 2022’ message. At least that feels honest.
Who am I kidding? That sentiment is ridiculous. Nothing about business is honest. Well, almost nothing. It’s not really the business holiday cards that are irking me. It’s the lack of forthrightness and honesty everywhere. About everything. I know you know what I mean.
No, this isn’t a post about lying and this is certainly not a post about speaking your truth. Don’t even get me started on how perverse that exercise has become (a homage to blistering, insensitive, hoggish rants). In fact, you may not even know what I’m getting at, so I’m just going to come right out and tell you. How does that sound?
Sometimes you need to just tap out. You do. When everything feels annoying and frustrating and counterproductive and shitty and like a steaming pile of lies- extricate yourself from the situation. I’m serious. Take a beat. Back out the door. Go quiet.
I don’t want to suggest that this feels good, either straight off the bat or generally. It doesn’t. I mean, it feels better when it’s a choice you are making versus something that is thrust upon you. For sure. But still, it rarely feels satisfying when you first jump in. There is usually an overwhelming sense of panic or regret. There is self-soothing mixed in with a heaping dose of confusion. It’s scary.
You know how you deal with that feeling? You have to wait it out. I know that doesn’t really jive with the instant gratification society that we live in today, but that’s the honest truth. We have to sit with the discomfort until we firmly remember why we made the move in the first place.
It’s amazing. The transformation that occurs. Every time. You will go from ‘fuckkkk I’m being dramatic’ to ‘wow, I feel so empowered taking myself out of a situation causing me unnecessary stress’. That’s just it. We have so much to be stressed about right now, so is there a good reason to allow gratuitous stress to linger? Absolutely fucking not.
This is not about swishing sage around the room or meditating. Oh no. You need a full-on detox. You need to step out of the situation to gain valuable and necessary perspective. It’s amazing what you’ll see once something is not quite so in your face. Incredible. The stuff that you are super sensitive and over-reactive to and then all the things you are allowing to go on because you’ve already lit the world on fire with all the rest of it.
This step back has to be into a no judgment zone, just like I’ve talked about 100 times before. This is not where you hide away and beat yourself up. Oh no. This is where you try and figure out a path forward. This can mean little silly decisions and big whopping ones. For example, I might tell myself that I find holiday cards triggering. They make me mad and sad and wanting and crabby. So, I toss ‘em. Maybe they go into a box for a time when I feel like reading them, or maybe they go straight into the recycle bin. Your choice. No one has to know. Truly. The bigger stuff? You press pause on a friendship. You take a stand at work. You express yourself in a relationship. All of it needs to happen. Not all at once, just as you find that you are ready.
By the way, nothing wrong with creating a road map for yourself. You don’t need to explain it to anyone and you don’t need to answer to it. I’m amazed at the number of times someone tries to debate my feelings or opinions with me. No thanks. So now, I keep them to myself. I’m not being secretive or shady. I’m just protecting my heart. Maybe when I’m feeling stronger, I’ll share, or maybe I can always keep certain things close to the vest. Again, nobody’s damn business except yours.
This is a tough time of year. It is. For everyone. I don’t care what religion you practice (or none at all), what season you prefer, who your loved ones are, and what you are hoping for moving forward. There are so many challenges to navigating the holidays or the new year or just the winter. With that in mind, does it really make sense to continuously put yourself in a spot where you are unnecessarily tested?
I didn’t think so. Give yourself the gift of kindness this holiday season. It’s final sale, but entirely worth it.
X
L.
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