Remember the post from a few weeks back where I discussed two truths and a lie? I went through the first bit, but got turned around before I started delving into the third. As a refresher, here they are: “Number 1-You have control over the things that matter in your life. Number 2- The world is generally a forgiving place. Number 3- No matter what, in the end, the truth will set you free.”
Right about now, you might be wondering if my brain has turned to mashed potatoes like so many others. Why am I circling back to that post right now? What happened to what we were discussing yesterday? Isn’t that important? Sure is, which is why I want to tie all of this together. I will get to the connection, but first, let’s dive right in.
Full disclosure- there is another part to this quote that I’ve shared, but I’m not ready to get to that just yet. So, just press pause, please.
The sentiment that the truth will set you free is a lovely one, is it not? I was raised under the sentiment that when you always tell the truth, you don’t have to remember your story. Do you get it? You have to memorize a narrative that you are spinning only if it’s contrived and created for a particular situation. If it’s the real deal, that’s not really necessary. Things are as they are, in a very broad sense. I mean sure, everyone has their perspective or take on something that occurs, but the facts are the facts.
What do I mean by that? Well, two people eat out at a new restaurant. Both come home and have a different view of the restaurant, the food, the service, the ambiance, and so on. However, the fact that they ate at the restaurant, the location of the restaurant, the color of the walls, and whatnot, all facts. Indisputable facts.
I understand that there is some confusion in today’s world about what a fact is versus an opinion, but I’m not entertaining that utter insanity right now. I’m staying close to the notion that a fact is what it is and has always been.
So, it’s lovely to tell the truth because you don’t have to memorize and call upon some created story, right? Right. But, it’s more than that. According to the above sentiment, sharing that truth sets you free. Is that true though? Does the truth always set you free?
The most obvious question for me at this juncture is what does it mean to be free or to feel free? I suppose this is where some modicum of subjectivity has to enter the equation. I don’t want to get too existential here, so I’m going to keep it pretty light. I think the message is intimating that when we free ourselves of the burden of withholding (or lying), there is a weight that’s lifted.
I think we all know that there are a variety of circumstances where this doesn’t hold up. At all. When our truth causes pain to others, there is a vast opportunity to cause pain for ourselves. This hurt can be a burden that feels anything but freeing.
Sure, eventually we get to a better place where we might celebrate the fact that we said that thing we needed to say, but until we get there, it can be really challenging. There is usually a gut punch of regret that we have to sit with and also, the unrelenting desire to try and fix things (whatever that may mean).
So, it’s not easy. Right. Nothing really is and I think we all know that by now. I didn’t say the truth will set you free and it’s easy breezy lemon squeezy. Nope. I just threw the statement out there, and then disclaimed it, a bit, or at least threw in a caveat or two.
But, what if we subscribe to the thought that it’s a total load of bullshit? What if I told you that the truth never sets you free, but rather, the best it can do is sort of maintain a status quo? What if I told you that it doesn’t keep things even keeled, but rather, just keeps you above water? Would it still be worth it?
More importantly, what the fuck does any of this have to do with where I started this whole discussion yesterday? Well, do you remember when I shared that the only way forward is with some measure of authentic behavior? Doing something that you can really get behind?
Curious as to how you would begin to do that without knowing your truth. I’m not even talking about speaking your truth at this moment. I’m only talking about knowing it. Do you know how you feel about things outside the noise of everyone’s feelings and opinions and everything else?
That’s a pretty tall order, to get to the bottom of that sentiment, right now. Forgetting the fact that everyone seems a lot more vocal with their opinions on literally everything- there is also social media and regular media and everything in between. How do you know what you think outside of what everyone else is telling you to think?
This is going to sound trite and almost lame, but I find that I ask myself the question or questions in the quiet of my space and mind, without considering how others might react to my feelings and without seeking an opinion from others.
That last part is pretty hard for most people. I want to acknowledge that. It isn’t for me. I struggle with 800 other things, but I’ve never needed to be validated by others. Most people I know feel much better when they’ve asked anywhere between two and forty people their respective opinions on any particular issue. I’m just not that person.
You can ask others what they think. You can gather a consensus. You can handle things however it works best for you. I’m just saying that it’s a lot easier to sort out your true feelings about a thing when you get rid of the noise.
I think that’s what I’ve learned most profoundly this year, how to find my truth and how to own it. I’ve learned to be true to who I am and what I want, even in the face of criticism or rage or disappointment or even rejection. I am who I am.
As an aside, and an important distinction, I’m not saying that I’m “right”, as there is no right or wrong here. I am saying that I am doing what works for me. I am still being mindful of others’ feelings and navigating around others’ personalities and needs, but I am doing so within the boundaries that I have carefully and mindfully constructed.
I want to end today’s post with a thought that really punches this thing home- if something is your truth and intrinsically part of your boundary, and you are forever casting it aside, it is either not really that important to you or you haven’t learned to stand by your truth yet.
You’ll get there.
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