Almost there. We are creeping towards a new year with each day that passes. Are you excited? Devastated? Hesitant? What are you feeling? I want to run through an exercise to show you how it’s done (well, how I do it anyway), but first I want to close one more loop that I’ve left open.
Remember how I said you need to find your truth (whispered, and sub in a better word)? I also said that you need to find a strategy to stick with it. I don’t exactly know the tougher part, to be honest. They both kind of suck from a journey standpoint.
Sure, once you get to a place where you know how you feel about things, you might feel more resolute in sticking to it, but also, maybe not. Sometimes if we are faced with enough obstacles or resistance, instead of strengthening our resolve, it tends to crumble. We tend to fall apart somewhere along the way. We start to wonder why we felt that way to begin with and that is not a good place to be.
I want to offer you one coping strategy. When you feel like you are getting the shit kicked out of you and your boundaries are starting to waiver, feel free to give yourself a time out. Really. It doesn’t matter how long that is, because it’s your party. Cancel a plan, end a conversation, change the topic. Be an insane goofball and just hit them with an out of left field joke. Do what you gotta do, but give yourself space to regroup and then navigate through the bs.
Something else I would recommend? Practice speaking aloud the things that are meaningful to you or abhorrent in your eyes. You can do it. Find a way to bring it up, to respond with those thoughts, to say what you are really feeling when you are directly asked.
None of this is easy. At all. I have two friends in particular in mind who I am very delicate with on every level. They’ve made in clear in their own way that they expect and crave a very particular response from me and that any other kind of response sends them spinning out and thus, I would be responsible for their emotional illness if I proceed as I would wish to. Yikes. I’ve decided that I can’t be full of shit, as much as they might ultimately want that from me, but I can refrain. I don’t need to hit them over the head with how I see things. I can just keep that those to my heart.
So yes, find a way to be vocal about your feelings and thoughts, but also, know when to keep things mellow. Listen. Read the room. Take a beat. These actions are all very accessible to all of us. You just need to make a commitment to peace and you’ll be shocked at how easy it is to see the path forward. That path may not always be smooth, but you’ll see it. Crystal clear.
That leads me to things I’ve learned about myself and the world over the last year. I’ve taken some real time to soul search. Not to be rude, but I’m not looking for feedback. This is my shit. I reserve the right to change my mind or reconsider based on information received. I am not claiming I’m right or know anything at all. These are just bits that I’ve found in the space of my own quiet and soul searching. Here you go-
- I don’t ever like crowds, COVID or no COVID
- Being ignored is a trigger for me and if someone does it to me enough, I’m better off writing them off
- I can’t listen quietly when someone talks about doomsday or self-harm, so it’s best if I express a lack of desire to hear that if they can’t handle my concern
- Expecting most people to be selfish isn’t depressing, it’s self-preservation
- Anything has the power to disappoint if you let it, so best to keep expectations in neutral
- Our grandness comes from within and when it’s tied to outside of us, the possibility of being diminished is ever-present in a way that is utterly destructive
- Running or walking before most of my neighborhood is up is my happy place
- The fact that our society has become so impolite, while simultaneously demanding some insane level of PC behavior is deeply frustrating
- When I hear that someone has actively participated in something that has the ability to harm others, it makes me see them differently and that is mostly irreversible
- I don’t ever crave company, but I deeply enjoy good company
- Moving my body every single day is a non-negotiable
- We are made richer when we give to others
- Based on my history, I’m not comfortable listening to others taken down a notch in front of me (even when it might be deserved)- it causes solicitous and counterproductive behavior
- Most people run their lives based on a double standard that they refuse to own- I’m working on my consistency
- Weakness in character on the part of others reminds me of my weakness and how decimated I was and it irks me in a way I’m not proud of
- I’m very comfortable saying I don’t want to do something just because
- I often want to be the fixer, professionally, personally, and every other which way that’s possible
- When I’m strong in my stance and it’s met with silence or complacency, I start to waiver- so I use those moments to breathe through my discomfort now
- Reading and writing help me escape the Groundhog Day feeling that’s upon me here and there- and talking to likeminded friends
- I acknowledge that my deep sensitivity is difficult for others, and also understand that I’m not capable of or interested in changing that (it’s who I am)
This is just the tip of the iceberg. Maybe some of that seemed silly to you or entirely intuitive. These are points that I have known and learned and unlearned and waivered on for most of my life. I’m just figuring out to stand by them, strong and determined. I’m just learning how to muddle through in the face of what’s good for everyone else.
What about you? What have you learned about yourself this year?
x
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 