Here we are again. The weekend. Welcome back.
I sort of ran through the second bit, but maybe I didn’t land somewhere that felt satisfying for you. Let’s revisit for a moment and then we can move onto the first (well, that felt funny to write).
I will contend that every single age period in life is significant. Every moment that we live and breathe and go through the motions of being human, are significant. However, I think what is most pivotal about the transitions through one’s 20s and 30s is the expectation that one will figure out what they are doing with themselves and their life.
These are the years where most folks are expected to bend the knee and conform to societal expectations. Finish school or be educated in a trade and find a job. Even better, find yourself a career. Make sure you have benefits. Make sure you can afford benefits.
Find a place to live, with someone(s) or alone. While you are at it, reconfirm your circle of friends. Contemplate who will remain situational connections (i.e. college friends, first job friends) and who will continue on the journey with you. Make new friends who are suited to the life that is unfolding in front of you.
Find a partner. Decide what you want your life to look like with that partner. If the situation warrants the discussion, contemplate children and then decide who is ultimately responsible for those offspring. Will someone stay home? Will it be you? Who will be the heavy? Who will arrange for child care if the need arises?
Figure out what you like to eat, find new things to eat, learn to cook, and decide whether you like cooking or you need to make ‘knows how to cook well’ an immovable bullet point on your significant other ‘to do’ list. Eat carbs. Always. Don’t give those up. That’s not a phase I would encourage for anyone, and if you dabbled there, I strongly advise that you roll that back. Life’s too short to never eat a carb again.
Find things to be good at and decide what you are mediocre at, and avoid the latter at most costs, unless an average so-and-so, is greatly preferred or needed over a ‘doesn’t know a fucking thing’ human.
If you have family that is meaningful in your life, decide if they are meant to remain that way. Draw lines in the sand regarding different relatives and decide who is worth the work. Forgive yourself when you decide that some just aren’t, and understand the same rules apply to absolutely everyone.
Contemplate aging in all the big and little ways like body aches and injury, and making more money, or not making enough money, or having more responsibility. Decide what level of responsibility feels tolerable and appropriate.
Consider your body and then judge your body and maybe change your body and observe your body changing and accept your body. Resist the urge to criticize and exercise restraint when considering comparing yourself to others.
Understand who you are and what you are and what you want and what you need. Consider those points again and again. Reconsider them when the situation warrants a revisit. Be brave when exploring these items. Understand that there is likely never going to be a place of permanence with these points. With some of them, you will get to a place where you decide that you’ve figured it out and that’s great. It is likely at that point those other issues will arise and you will decide that your focus should be somewhere else altogether.
And now the last part. Are you ready? Were you excited to get here? You know where we are, right? We are at the first thought that came to mind when I listened to the song and digested the lyrics. It doesn’t really matter how old you are when you explore these things. It doesn’t really matter your age when you consider what and who you want to be. It isn’t particularly meaningful that you are outside of the age that society has deemed appropriate for such an adventure. It doesn’t fucking matter at all.
I know what you are thinking because I’ve been there, often. The world tells us that by a certain age we should have everything figured out. Logic would tell us that the journey we are on in our 20s and 30s should result in something incredibly meaningful on the other side. These are the drafting years, and the final masterpiece will emerge on the other side. And if it doesn’t, that means you are dysfunctional and broken. You are choosing a path that has not been vetted and quite frankly, that likely means you are deficient.
I imagine you could decide that I am making the argument I’m about to make because I am myself an exception to this rule. Of course, I would subscribe to a different way. If I don’t, that is as good as me admitting that I fucked up and I have found myself way offsides on this whole life thing. I completely understand why you would think this. I get it. Mostly it’s because it’s more comfortable to subscribe to that mainstream theology. But then also, there’s all the fear. Fear of the different and fear of the unknown and fear of never figuring it out.
I promise you that is not the place I am coming from. This exercise is not one where I am seeking support for the life I have chosen or rather, the one that has been chosen for me. Not at all. In fact, I’ve been petrified to do just that over the years. I wanted to remain under the radar and just accept my fate in the way that we accept the universe is doling us out an extra helping of garbage soup. I thought my acceptance would somehow translate to a resignation and then I would remain stagnantly on the outside of everyone else’s choices, forever.
Foolish, sad woman. No way. That’s not what this is at all. At any age. ANY age at all, we can decide that we want to examine what society has told us we should be doing and walk briskly in the other direction. Or, we can decide that it’s the thing we want the most and then walk forward and try and do everything in our power to get there.
I am 41 and I am just trying to figure all my problems out. I am not picking my battles, but fighting, in the gentlest and committed way, for the things I believe in most in this world. I am just taking each day as it comes. I am resisting the ever-present urge to compare myself with my contemporaries, my peers, my friends, my family.
I’m just being me. Not so plain, and not so simple.
Have a great weekend.
x.
L
thepathtoworthy.com 