I recently went to see “She Said” with a girlfriend. If you are unfamiliar, “She Said” tells the story of The New York Times investigation led by journalists Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey, that exposed the harassment and abuse perpetuated [for years] by famed film producer Harvey Weinstein. It was all at once inspiring and disturbing.
I felt completely in awe of such brave and determined women; pursuing a difficult, if not dangerous, story and path, despite the massive challenges facing them. I felt disgusted by Weinstein. His gross misuse of power. His misogyny. His illegal and vile mistreatment of women. As a woman, and one who has been the victim of sexual harassment, I felt vindicated when the story broke and Weinstein was made to answer for his crimes and inappropriate behavior.
I was prepared for all of those reactions and emotional responses. What I was not prepared for was my overwhelming sense of disappointment at the end. My frustration. It wasn’t…enough. It felt very far from sufficient.
What about all the women who didn’t get to or couldn’t share their stories? What about all the humans who witnessed Weinstein’s abuse and sat idly by and did absolutely nothing? I know what you may be thinking. Some people are in a relatively powerless position. They don’t have the ability or wherewithal to speak out about such things, not without facing serious repercussions. Career-ending, life-changing, world-altering changes. I get that, for some. But for the rest? What about those who had the flexibility, the status, to do something?
I am not victim blaming, nor am I trying to hold witnesses accountable for the abuse perpetuated by others, but I don’t believe anything is going to change until we admit that this is a systemic problem and a systemic problem is one that requires a holistic analysis. Every rock must be overturned and no participant spared. You need to identify what fuels the system in order to deconstruct it.
Keeping that in mind, the Harvey Weinsteins of the world are not successful in a vacuum. Oh no. They require support in the way of the opportunistic, the jealous, the evil, the scared, the victimized, the angry, and the list goes on. There are villages that help strengthen and enrich the will of the power-hungry and pathetic.
Okay, so what happens when a Harvey Weinstein goes to jail? Without a shit head king, does the kingdom of misguided and gross and sad villagers find something else to do with their lives? Do they seek out another leader? Do they learn valuable lessons? What? What happens?
Well, I’m not sure. I’m not sure, but I’m almost positive that there is no one-size-fits-all response to this conundrum. I think that the “after” is entirely dependent on the role that human played in the whole debacle and what their experience was and then, what they feel like at the end of it all. Do I think that some folks wallow in the guilt and tragedy of their own making? Yes. Do I think that some move on with their lives, disassociating from any responsibility or ownership? Absolutely, yes. Do I think that these folks should be punished? Well, if I’m honest- my response is that I’m not sure. Maybe. Some of them. More than punishment, I think that education is required.
I think those who participate in the perpetuation or execution or covering-up of abuse, need to be educated on what happens to the victims. I think they need to be made to understand it in a very real way. I think victims need to explain how they are affected by the abuse and these “helpers” need to bear witness so such admissions.
I think if we continue to believe that there are the Harvey Weinsteins in our stratosphere and they are lone operators, we will never really solve the problem. The problem is so much bigger than one person. The problem is cultural. The problem is ingrained and woven through the very fabric of our society. The problem is when we say ‘boys will be boys’ or ‘mean girls are who they are’ or ‘they are just shitty sometimes, when they are having a bad day.’
The issue is that there is this tacit acceptance that abuse is just something we have to contend with and as such, it will never be eradicated, and the real teaching is in how to cope, and not how to fight back, or fight against, or push for responsibility.
I am not holding others to a standard that I don’t hold myself to. The truth is, that I’ve faced sexual harassment and either decided that it wasn’t worth it to fight because likely nothing would be done, or purely from a place of fear. I’ve escalated and made known harassment, only to fold at the first point of push back. At the initial moment, when I’m told to reconsider my telling of the story, when I’m advised that maybe it will backfire on me, I do just that. Pause, get quiet, get silent, go away.
In some ways, it’s an endless and exhausting circular reference. Victims and bystanders are afraid, and those who speak up are punished in some fashion, thus supporting the notion of fear.
What if the opposite existed in real time? What if there were a no tolerance policy for such behavior, everywhere? I’m not talking about written policies. A good number of institutions have written policies and they amount to horseshit. Sorry if I’m ruining anything for you, but at the end of the movie, there were several blubs explaining the detrimental and material impact of The New York Times article on the #MeToo movement and specifically, with respect to workplace policies.
You know what I say to that? Great. But still, not enough. Not even close to enough. Is it sufficient to have a policy when no one follows it? Isn’t that effectively what occurs today? I don’t think many places have a governance infrastructure that is tolerant of abuse. However, I’m not sure it matters, because in my very own and real experience, the rules seemingly apply to some folks, and not others. Some of us have to follow the rules and be respectful and engage mindfully and respectfully. And others, can do what the fuck they want.
If we want real change to happen, real, meaningful, long-lasting change, then we need to look more than skin deep. This is not about policy or hashtags or even putting Harvey Weinstein in jail. This is about looking at every single human and saying, I don’t give a shit who you are- the rules still apply to you. You still have to conduct yourself with decorum and respect. You still have to follow the law. NO ONE is above the law. And if you fuck up and you don’t- you will be held accountable for your behavior. You will pay the piper, no matter your skill set or resources or talent or personality.
We don’t have to condemn everyone, all the time. We also shouldn’t pretend shit isn’t fucked. I suppose, we just have to find ourselves closer to the middle. Hint: we are currently very, very far from the middle.
Good holiday.
X
L.
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