I went to an event for International Women’s Day. I know that you might be rolling your eyes right about now. That bitch is still on IWD? I am. In fact, it’s inspired a whole slew of posts that you’ll see over the next few weeks, so if this offends or annoys you, then get out now.
We are going to touch on body image, aging, and a few other topics near and dear to my heart.
Okay, so, let’s go back to the event. I don’t want to talk about the sponsor, because I respect the institution and I think they were well-intended. Misguided in some ways, but with the right spirit.
I want to start by telling you what went right and then, I’ll ease into what went horribly awry. This was a gathering of smart, accomplished men and women. Boom. Yes. We cannot have discussions about how to change things for women without including men. There may not have been enough men for my liking, but there were men, and for that, I applaud the organizers. Furthermore, the topics were interesting. Not amazing or revolutionary, but definitely something I’d fuck with in terms of sitting after a long work day. Last, but not least, the location was beautiful and there were libations available for participants (and snacks). Yes, I think that messaging is more impactful in a comfortable and approachable setting. That’s the truth. Deliver me good news in a windowless corporate dungeon and I may not be able to process in the same way as when I’m looking at the New York City skyline. I’m not saying I need majestic views of a major cosmopolitan area, but I’m saying I need something. At a minimum, natural light.
Yay team for all of the above.
Wrong? Everything about the speakers. The content. The questions. The unfathomable piles of horseshit.
I want to tell you what I would have done differently, but I think I need to start with what I loathed and then maybe an explanation as to why this messaging was favored (and perhaps preferred by some). Here are some of the highlights that were burned to my brain that evening: (i) It’s okay to cry at work, (ii) you should always be comfortable making yourself vulnerable in a work setting, (iii) if you are having difficulty figuring out how to talk to a co-worker about nearly anything, you should start with a DEI icebreaker, and (iv) when you decide to be “brave” and make changes, the environment will mold around you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
There is so much that lights me on fire with the entire paragraph I just wrote that I’m struggling with where to even begin.
Oh, I forgot one other tidbit. Every conversation regarding women in the workplace centered around how to balance work with a family. A family as in children you birthed and a significant other you are connected to. Nothing for single women like me. Nada. Why? Well, it’s obvious. We clearly have no issues in the workplace. We can work the 60 hours a week without worrying about other people who rely on us or mental health issues or relationships or anything of that nature. I’m so busy living a good life that I guess I forgot that everything at work is better for me because I haven’t settled down and produced offspring.
Is it okay to cry at work? Sure. I guess. But why are you crying at work? Is work making you cry? Because you should look to the source. If your personal shit is making you cry, you should take that shit outside or home. I strongly believe (and I am a BLEEDING heart) that work and personal life should be separated in mindful fashion. Yes, I recognize that this statement is a minefield, but still. That’s my vibe. Work is work and life is life. And yes, I’m well aware that most of our life is spent at work. And still, I subscribe to this notion.
Now, if a co-worker or employee is going through something, do I believe we should bring humanity into the workplace and give them space and time to process? 100% yes. Take a mental health day. Take a longer lunch break. Go grab a cup of coffee and have a good sobbing sesh in the car. More than that? You can be a little (or a lot) grumpy. You can give a little less on days when you are struggling. But bringing your shit to the office such that it compromises your reputation and the safety of your company? No. Every day, no.
I recognize these sentiments are challenging for some to process. Feel free to disagree, but this is how I feel.
Be vulnerable at work? Yes, but to what extent. I always tell new employees to take people seriously and not personally. There are a good number of asshole-ish personalities in my chosen field. I would hate to think that a day is spent with your guts strewn out on the desk, just awaiting the next massacre. I would change this messaging to something else, but that’s coming up later.
DEI icebreaker? Sure, if that’s front of mind. If not, it’s contrived and likely a giant pile of horseshit, so don’t bother. Better option? That’s coming soon.
If you want to be a trail blazer, do it. The brilliant and difficult part is that you will not always be successful and even if you are, you might have a small hole carved out for you and you alone, with no further accommodations extended to others in your exact same situation. Again, more thoughts here, but stay tuned.
As for the family stuff, I’m salty. I am. I care so much about women who have families. I love families. I believe in love. I single handedly fought to have an appropriate mother’s room for nursing mothers in my office. I rage against inequities that are applied as a result of a choice to go on maternity leave or take a honeymoon. However, I think it’s important to remember that these are not the only women on the planet. We all deserve proper care. We all deserve consideration. If we care that much about inclusion, how do we justify leaving out a whole slew of women, me included, who have made a different life choice?
I have more I want to say, but I don’t want to kill you with this first post. I want to give people credit for starting these conversations, but I also think we live in rough times, and we need to be extremely judicious with our words and messages when we choose a path forward. Anything we do and say can and will be used against us. That’s the truth.
As for my suggestions and other observations, hang in there. I’ll be back with more.
I will leave you with this- we need to get a whole lot more authentic if we want to change anything in a real way. Fuck buzz words. Fuck hashtags. Fuck photo ops. Honesty. Brutal, in your face, truth telling. That’s the only way through.
X
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 