I decided to go for a walk late last night. The weather was stunningly beautiful, and I had some residual anxiety from my day, so it was a no brainer. I wore reflective clothing and had my phone and, an alarm on me. Mid way through my brain calming stroll, I saw a neighbor taking out the garbage. This is what our conversation looked like:
Me: Good evening.
Her: Hello there.
Me: Gorgeous out here tonight, no?
Her: Yes, such a treat.
Me: Couldn’t resist taking a walk (smile).
Her: Yeah. Be careful out here all alone.
Me: …..
Then she said goodnight and turned around and walked back into her house.
I’ve addressed the topic of safety before, so I’ll spare you a complete do-over. That said, I am well aware that humans, particularly of the female variety, should be mindful when walking in the dark. Or running in the dark. Or standing in the dark. Well, it’s far more than just women, but anyway.
I get it. I do the best I can. I don’t listen to music. I wear pretty conservative clothing (albeit weather appropriate). I often tuck my hair away. Are you getting nauseas yet? Anyway, I do. I try and cover myself the best I can. And still, my heart beats a little faster when a shadow moves, or a bike passes me or a car slows down.
The worst part wasn’t any of that, this time. I thought about the warning, but also, I thought about how that is just par for the course. I thought about how this world is becoming more restrictive and more dangerous for women every single day.
Not just women, but people. We are all in danger. I am a cis white woman, so I am coming at this from my perspective as such, but still. We. Are. All. In. Danger.
Last week a federal judge in Texas ruled that the FDA improperly approved a drug, mifepristone, which has been on the market and in use for more than two decades in the U.S. Mifepristone is used with one other drug to administer most medication abortions in this country. From what I’ve read, medication abortions can occur without mifepristone, but it’s different. It takes longer. More side effects. My issue is not really with whether this particular drug is needed for medication abortions, though certainly that’s important. My issue is more so that the upending of a twenty plus year approval by the FDA calls everything else into question. It leaves everything else open for the picking or the overturning. The implications, terrifying as they are, are unquestionably terrifying. The judiciary is not a fair arm or a voice of reason, but rather, a weapon. A tool of mass destruction.
This bullshit decision comes around the same time as book banning and anti-LGBTQ+ legislation, and a whole pile of other shit that is ultimately just trying to reinforce some backwards ass [white] Christian nationalism. We are to be a people of a certain skin color with certain sexual preferences and ascribing to certain religious ideologies. It’s not enough for the believers to believe or for them to impose their beliefs on the rest of us. Oh no. It’s so much more than that. It’s the outlawing of differences. The prohibition on veering from the prescribed norm. The reinforcement of a doctrine that is one-size-fits-some but is forced on all.
What’s worse is that we are allowing ourselves to become numb or willfully ignorant. I will ashamedly throw myself into that pile. The anxiety of what this world is coming to is so damn overwhelming, that there are days that I cover my ears with my hands and la-la-la myself into another stratosphere. One where things feel less menacing and less backwards and more something else altogether.
But then I tell myself that if I do that and if you do that, and if we all do that, then they are definitely going to win. Then Justin J. Pearson and Justin Jones are never reappointed to their positions. Then no one invests in green and renewable initiatives and energy, then education in lower socio-economically situated areas is abandoned, then equity in the workplace is left to someone else. Without one person caring, no one cares. And then, they win. They. The hateful, small-minded, terrified, fear mongers, win.
And I ask myself why? Religious text does not provide a road map for this horrendous behavior. There is nothing in the Bible to ultimately support all of the loathsome and horrific behavior. It’s what I just shared above. For many, progress is scary. Progress is an uncontrollable force with unending and unpredictable consequences and the only appropriate response is to shut it down. It feels infinitely more manageable to make it all disappear than search for a paradigm in which progress is made and values are retained.
Speaking of which, what are these so-called values? A value of human life? It can’t be. Sure, there’s the save every baby part. But there’s also the no social reform or social support issue. Also, no one wants to adopt all these babies that are born or provide therapy or services for women who are forced to give birth. What about the babies who are being gunned down? Does anyone care about them? Is there anything within that morality minefield that allows for intelligent and meaningful gun reform, or [the horror] attention paid to mental health?
It must be the opposite of liberating to spend your time parceling out which part about caring for others needs to be carved out. No to abortion. No to gun control. Yes, to religion in schools. No to access to all literature. Yes, to a specific version of history. No to critical race theory. Yes, to oppression and fear and exclusion and hatred. No to growth and hope and inclusion and love.
It’s really hard to care about this stuff. So much harder than not caring. Caring takes grit and patience and long walks at 9:00 PM. Caring takes managing disappointments and terror and anxiety. Caring takes having difficult conversations and staying true to who you are in the face of aggressive and unrelenting opposition.
I said I was going to talk about women. And I am. I think we have to use our voices. I think we are uniquely positioned to speak up. I think we need to care bigger than our fear. We can do this. I know we can.
It’s about us. And them. And them. And them. And us.
X
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