I took my 69-year-old mother to see The Little Mermaid this past weekend. As I am now 42, and she took me when the cartoon came out in 1989 (I was 9), this felt fitting. It has always been one of my favorite Disney movies. Always. When I was a child, I think I just loved mermaids and of course, talking crustaceans. And then, as an adult, I also deeply appreciated the sentiment, no matter how romanticized, that we must find our own way in this life if we want to find true happiness. Of course, it’s Disney, so Ariel’s path was intrinsically linked to finding a partner, and still, there is great messaging embedded in a fun story about mermaids and a prince.
I think about this a lot. Not mermaids, but the idea that there is a path set out for us, by our parents or guardians, through societal norms and structures, and then based on so many others that pass through our lives. I think about how much pressure we feel, overtly and subtly, to be a particular person.
I even wonder if some of the issues we deal with today are not exacerbated by the notion that people are somehow falling off this predetermined path and this fact unnerves those in their stratosphere. I’m not disputing that there is not fear and ignorance mixed into that giant pot, but I think there is a good heap of discomfort with veering from what’s expected and moving towards the unknown.
I was speaking with a colleague this morning who confided in me that his aunt recently shared that his nephew has begun transitioning. This news was being shared in advance of a family party to “prepare” family members. I asked this colleague how his family is responding, and he shared that they are all trying to be supportive, but some are having a hard time because it’s not the life “they expected him to have.” I knew what he meant, but I couldn’t help but question this reaction.
We are all unique humans, trying to find our way in the world. We all have our share of wants and needs and successes and failures and obstacles. Of course, when we care for someone, we want them to triumph, but outside of that sentiment, why would we impose our own ideas regarding the life we think they should lead? Who is to say who they should be and what relationships they should have, and what career they should choose, and the adventures they should embark upon?
It’s hard, though. Many of these “life plan” ideas have been so baked into who we are as humans, that it’s nearly impossible to separate from them. It’s not as if we are all walking around with the nefarious intention to homogenize humans (well some are, but that’s a tragic story for another time). It’s more like someone conceptualized this notion of what path is appropriate for certain types and it’s been programmed into us and when a new idea is presented, we short circuit. And yes, that malfunction is on top of sexism and racism and all the other closed-minded nonsense that’s seemingly everywhere these days.
Anyway, let’s get back to the good stuff. Mermaids. The reason Ariel ultimately prevailed is because she defied authority.
Just kidding.
Ariel was able to find her way with the support of the people she trusted most in life. The problem is that not everyone has that. Not even close.
In fact, in 2022, The Trevor Project reported that 28% of LGBTQ youth reported experiencing homelessness or housing instability at some point in their lives (https://www.thetrevorproject.org/research-briefs/homelessness-and-housing-instability-among-lgbtq-youth-feb-2022/). And that’s just one poignant and critical example that I’m using, with Pride Month front of mind. The type of rejection or criticism I’m talking about can happen to folks who decide not to get married or go to college or have children or settle down in one place.
Maybe in honor of Pride Month, and with the thought in mind that we can begin to shift these societal ills as a collective, we can take a beat before we judge someone when they share their story, their plan. Maybe we can be a little more understanding and a little more open and a little less rigid. Sometimes our resistance comes from a place of love, but still, it causes harm. So, let’s try something different.
Repeat after me: To each, their own.
x
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 