A Gratitude Listicle.

I cannot believe that Thanksgiving has crept up again. It’s amazing. I’m loathe to do the whole “time is flying” nonsense, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge how swiftly time has passed. It feels like the summer was just here and before that, the holidays. Anyway, here we are and so, comes my annual soap box speech on gratitude.

Gratitude is a funny thing. Tell someone that they should be grateful and it’s likely they’ll resent you or lecture you on how they can’t find a single thing to feel grateful for. Tell someone that you are grateful and be prepared to have them tell you that you are lucky or worse, that you are annoyingly being one of “those” people. Those people being those who insincerely profess gratitude as a way to maintain appearances.

The latter is more appealing to me, so I tend to worry more about my awareness of what I have and am and less about what other people are feeling and doing. I do think it’s sad when someone focuses more on the empty spaces, but at the end of the day, that’s their prerogative. We each get to choose our own path in this life. That’s the way things tend to go.

Anyway, I tend to choose gratitude because I’ve chosen otherwise in the past and it has left me feeling unfulfilled and resentful. It’s true that life isn’t exactly as I would wish it to be and sometimes (often) people and the world at large frustrates me, but overall, I’m doing okay. Better than okay. I have an amazing family and friends and food on my table and a job that provides for all good stuff, like new books and travel.

I’d like to be clear that there are moments when I feel really shitty. Work is treating me poorly or a friend betrays me or someone I’ve been interested in romantically does something off-putting. And that’s my personal nonsense. There’s also the world at large- the strife and fighting and hatred and agony. That pains me too, greatly. To be grateful for what I have is not to pretend that those other situations don’t exist. Rather, it’s to acknowledge that in the greater scheme of things, taking those other bits into consideration, I’m actually doing ok.

Plus, instead of being grumpy and cranky and resentful, a sense of gratitude allows for clarity. One can set forth with purpose and intention if one spends less time licking one’s wounds. This is easier at some times versus others, and I think it’s okay to acknowledge that. Sometimes the sun is shining and someone special says I love you, and your coffee creamer-coffee ratio is just right, and gratitude comes easy. Other times, it’s an effort. It takes work. But you put the work in, because you know how that story ends.

I’ve had friends tell me that if they are grateful, they feel as though they’ve given up. They’ve settled. I don’t agree. When I say that I feel a sense of thankfulness for my life, it doesn’t mean that I want my life to remain exactly this way forever. Absolutely not. It just means that for the time being, life is good and I’m happy sailing along in this way until a change opportunity presents.

I’m not being flippant. I want you to know that. I’m not suggesting that you are going to show up at your Thanksgiving table (if you celebrate) or perhaps, a surface in wherever you reside, and contentment will instantly wash over you, from top to bottom. That’s absurd. I know it doesn’t work that way. To start, some folks are working on Thanksgiving and others are working bright and early the day after. Sure, it’s a paycheck, but knowing that so many others are off doesn’t exactly help matters. Some folks are embroiled in family drama or facing illness or have been having such a rough go of it, that there’s no shaking it off, not for turkey or tofurkey or curry or anything at all.

I would never be gross enough to try and pretend like I know what that feels like in this moment. Even though I’ve been through things in my life, I am okay right now and also, every single human has a different experience, so compassion and empathy aside, I don’t know. And I know I don’t know.

So, I’m just going to share what works for me. That’s all. It’s not a prescription. It’s a suggestion. If this sounds unobtainable to you, then my suggestion is for you to find your own way. To not give up. To strive for gratitude.

I make lists. Sometimes they are on paper and other times, they are just in my head. I list the things that I have, that I treasure, that I want. Here is what that looks like:

-The ability to walk around my neighborhood, hearing crunchy leaves under my feet
-Perfectly made chai tea lattes
-Video chats with my sister’s family
-Dinner with my parents
-Voice notes from friends
-Hot water for every shower I take
-All the peanut butter my heart can take
-Libby (the online library system where I can endlessly secure books)
-The survival of my two sweet house plants for another year
-Having the power and resources to travel to faraway places around the globe
-Co-workers who feel like friends, who are friends
-My yoga teacher
-Volunteer work
-My writing group

Those are just a few things. Just a few. I’m so grateful for the ways in which I am courageous and the ways in which I am not and find my bravery in the people who love and support me. I’m grateful for being able to think freely and share those thoughts with those around me. I’m grateful for all the little things, like sandalwood candles and chocolate milk, and all the big things like confidants. There are times and days where I am tripped up and I forget for a moment, and for longer than that, that I have what I have. There are times when those around me bemoan all they don’t have and all they want and need. And all of that makes perfect sense, but only when I consider that there’s a different way. Only when I consider that change should follow.

Only when I feel….grateful.

Oh, and I forgot one more thing I’m grateful for…

You.

X
L.