I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about this week. If I’m honest, it was a doozy. There was some good stuff in there, but it started on Sunday with some trauma and I’m having trouble moving beyond it. I am hesitant to even use the word trauma, because I understand that categorization is deeply personal. It was, however, a traumatic experience for me.
So traumatic, in fact, that I paused before writing this. I was profoundly humiliated and there is a teeny part of me that has difficulty even putting this down on paper. But at the end of the day, I know my truth and I think it’s important to write about the toughest things we go through. Everywhere, all the time. Or at least convey them, communicate them. I’m hoping that if someone else has gone through this or goes through this (although I wouldn’t wish it on anyone), that this gives a sense that you aren’t alone.
With all my neuroses and goofiness, when it comes to traveling, I’m a pretty chill passenger. Even if there was a time in my life where I was uptight or challenging, those days are long behind me. And, I want to be clear, that any difficulty was just an exercise in self-inflicted torment. I was raised to be kind, respectful, compassionate, and flexible whilst traveling. So, not only was it programmed in me to “go with the flow,” but I’ve seen, over my many, many, planes, trains, cars, buses and etc., that those qualities and that approach, really does yield the best result in what can be obstacle-filled scenarios.
Delayed flights? I’ll sleep in the airport. Room not ready yet? I’ll zone out over a coffee nearby. Missed connection? I’ll sort out the next, best option. Of course, I’m human, and so, there are occasions that test me. Times when I’ve been grumpy, tired, and frustrated. BUT, I’ve never allowed those feelings to turn me into someone I am not. I’ve never taken my frustration out on others. Particularly not those who work for the airlines, train stations, hotels, etc. Sure, there are situations where those folks are contributing to my misery, but nine times out of ten, they have nothing to do with it. They are just enforcing a policy or running things the way they are expected to.
Okay, you are wondering where I’m going with this, right?
I’m going to try and tell the Cliff Notes version of this story. I do, however, have to give you some level of detail.
I was boarding a flight home last Sunday. A JetBlue flight. When I got to the gate with my smooshy, medium sized duffel, I was told I’d have to check it. Sure, it’s annoying, but also, whatever. The woman behind me was told the same. She was a bit more vocal with her annoyance, but still, calm. The gate agent was pretty darn rude to both of us. When we inquired, he was curt, dismissive, and even aggressive in his approach. Fine. No sweat off my back.
We got to our seats and much to our dismay, every single overhead bin was empty. EMPTY! This is where I wish I could turn back time. The other passenger was super angry. She wanted to go get her bag. I’ve flown a bazillion times, but I’ve never encountered anything like this. I wish that I had just stayed in my lil’ old seat. I didn’t though. I went with the woman and we asked a flight attendant if we could go get our luggage (pointing out the empty overhead bins) and she told us that we could, provided we had our tickets. I had to go back to my seat to grab my phone (on which was my electronic ticket).
When we went back to the gate, the gate agent was VERY angry. He advised us that we were not permitted to be there, and we could NOT have our luggage. I was a bit upset because I’ve never really done anything to buck authority, nor would I. We explained how we had asked permission, but he wasn’t having it.
As we walked back through the jetway (I’d like to point out that everyone was on the plane at this time, so it was just the crew in the jetway and the other passenger and me), we were talking and I told her that I thought the best plan would be to “light them on fire on social media.” Terrible reviews! Complaints galore. Not worth the energy to fight with anyone, and who wants to deal with that. Just follow the protocol.
I was seated and filling out my complaint form in my JetBlue app when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Sure enough, there was a member of the crew with- GASP! a security officer. I was totally confused. I mean that with every cell in my body. What was going on?
They asked me to come with them. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. I have never had an issue flying. I had never raised my voice or made much of a stink. What was going on?!
When we deplaned, I was advised that a member of the crew accused me of threatening to “light the plane on fire.” I was horrified. I don’t believe in violence, on any level. Anyone who follows me here at all knows this. No matter the circumstances, I would never, ever threaten another human, or group of humans. Never.
I calmly, through tears, explained myself to the officer. I showed him my complaint form and reiterated what happened and what was actually said. He advised that he believed me. The gate agent even advised that he believed me (after his rudeness has shockingly vanished into thin air). The flight attendant who made this insane accusation, refused to get off the plane, refused to engage, refused to allow me on the flight, and claimed (through the gate agent) that it was not her, but rather, the passengers she was protecting. They were afraid.
I was aghast and terrified and horrified. I made people afraid? How did I do that? I didn’t threaten anyone. I didn’t address anyone. I didn’t say anything scary or anything along those lines.
The officers were AMAZING. I was shaken and they were fabulous. I’m incredibly grateful for those few men. They helped me find another flight to take home. They reassured me. It mildly restored my faith in humanity. Notably, one of the officers explained to me that I was clearly NOT a threat (despite what the flight attendant was claiming) or they would not have offered to book me on their next flight, which was the NEXT DAY.
I’ve been trying to speak to JetBlue about this issue for days. They keep telling me that I’ll hear back. I haven’t. I’m not sure I ever will. It’s just a bad flight experience, right?
No. Far from it. I haven’t been sleeping well. My anxiety is spiked. I’m not angry, but instead, sad. What provoked this flight attendant to make such an accusation and then stand by it when proven wrong? What would compel a human to punish another human? Humiliate another human?
I am grateful that I have the means to travel. The fact that I’m writing this post means that I am privileged and I am well aware of this fact. I do have gratitude. I am also terrified that humans have the capacity to be this awful to each other. My most compassionate self tells me that travel is not easy these days. Passengers are angry and amped up and I’m sure it’s not easy for flight crew and staff. That doesn’t excuse her behavior. That doesn’t support lying or that kind of insanity. I’ve flown my entire life and I’ve never experienced something that would make me take a beat before walking on the plane.
And to boot, JetBlue has been unhelpful and mostly silent in response to this experience, telling me to just sit and wait and if they decide it warrants a response, they will be in touch.
Why am I sharing all of this?
Because it’s not easy being human. Not for me, not for flight crew, not for customer service folks. It’s fraught. And this makes me really sad. It doesn’t make me want to be dramatic about it, but it gives me pause.
It makes me understand why Alabama just did what they did. It makes me understand why people are besmirching the reputation of Taylor Swift. It makes me understand mean comments on social media and betrayal in the work place and marriages ending and friendships falling apart.
I know, some revelation, right? It was though. I have been harmed in my life. Deeply harmed. This wasn’t the first, but it was the first of its kind. I felt so vulnerable. JetBlue had my travel future in its hands, and I honestly didn’t know where things were going to go. And it didn’t matter that I try and be a decent person and it didn’t matter that I had lived and traveled for 40+ years without incident. None of that mattered. One person decided they wanted to ground me into dust, and they did.
So yeah, I’m sharing it because I was embarrassed and it feels good to breathe it into life. I regret something things and I’m trying not to regret other things. I forgive the flight attendant and the rest of the rude crew and the horrific customer service folks at JetBlue. I do. I’m really bummed, but I hold a space in my heart for understanding. I guess I just want to send a hug out there to those of you who have had anything like this happen to them.
I want to send a real hug out to those who experience worse daily. Lying. Discrimination. Racism. Profiling. Unjust punishment. Bullshit. I’m not comparing my situation to yours. I’m just saying that I’m making space for your traumas and just like you, I’m not allowing this to make me bitter. I’m just forcing this to be a lesson. In awareness.
My eyes are open.
I see you.
I’m sorry.
X
L.
thepathtoworthy.com 