Dear World.

Dear World, 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the decision in Alabama. You know, THE decision. I’ve wanted so much to write about it, but whatever I have to say feels insufficient. There are so many who are writing about THE decision, on all sides. There are women and men who have utilized IVF, clinicians who administer IVF, religious folk, and many, many others. 

The individuals who I keep getting stuck on are those who feel comfortable supporting the basis of the ruling (embryos are children) but are ultimately opposed to the implications and applications of the ruling. 

Do you know why I struggle with this notion, these sentiments? Besides the absolute shit-eating hypocrisy of it all? 

Well, let me pause before I explain it to you. Let me just take a beat. I want to first share that I am fully in support of nuance and varying, complicated views on situations. I am.  I think it’s unfair, despite our societal tendencies these days, to box people into a corner when it comes to digesting these incredibly complicated issues. People have the right, based on their upbringing, life experiences, and for any other damn reason, to have mixed views and thoughts and perspectives on anything. I know that we desperately want folks to hang out on one side of the fence or the other, but in reality, people tend to bounce back and forth. I tend to find myself on all different sides, or just sitting in or close to the middle from time to time.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t have an opinion or that I’m afraid to express my opinions. It just means that not everything is so cut and dry. That’s my truth at least. And these issues, like transgender athletes and immigration and abortion, are extraordinarily complicated. They require deep thought and consideration. 

However, what I’ve found is that at the end of the day, we often have to pick a side. This is not just because the pitchfork-yielding public demands such, but also, because not picking a side usually means that we are shuffled over to the side where the scary majority lives. And sometimes that’s fine and other times, that can be a gross misrepresentation of our actual feelings. And I’d rather be on the side of the harmed than the harmful. 

So in the case of choice, I always choose choice. I always want women to have the right to choose what they do with their bodies. Quite frankly, I cannot believe that there are women out there who are advocating for a different side. Yes, I get the whole pro-life stance (as much as I can understand any similar situation that’s fueled by religious theology) but still, I just cannot understand why a woman would cede bodily decisions over to anyone else, man, woman, or non-binary.

Anyway, that was a quick little rant, but not really where I wanted to land. Do you know where I wanted to land, really? Let me tell you.

What really sticks in my craw is when people start to nuance their decision to wrap around their very own personal comfort. Nikki Haley didn’t seem to care at all when there were millions of women impacted by her decisions and opinions. Not even a lick. She didn’t care that many of her POVs would disproportionately impact women of color and/or women with a lower socio-economic standing. But then, they had to go fuck with IVF. And suddenly, lil ol’ Nikki was thinking about herself and her friends at the country club and those she mingles with at galas. 

You know who does a LOT of IVF? Women who have access to resources. You want to know why? Because you need really amazingly good insurance or a lot of goddamn money to do IVF. That’s not the entire population, but it is a compelling statistical analysis. 

And all of a sudden, thinking about the implications in her backyard, Nikki was sweating in her American flag emblazoned Ralph Lauren sweater. She was shaking in her four-inch highheels imagining that the infringement on women’s rights could possibly create a popularity issue at cocktail parties.

The greatest part about Ms. Haley’s come to Jesus, if you will, is that she realized she had to hold the line. She had to continue to spout conservative jargon whilst also protecting those who write her campaign checks. And so, she literally told Jake Tapper that while she sees embryos as a life (FROM HER OWN EXPERIENCE WITH IVF), she thinks that maybe they went a little far. Maybe there shouldn’t be an overarching federal mandate with respect to IVF.

Oh no Nikki- did you open Pandora’s Box and then strain a muscle trying to shove all the shit back in that you let out? Poor, poor Nikki.

Here’s the thing: believe what you want to believe, but you best be considering the full implications of the belief system that you subscribe to. Also, you may want to align yourself with folks who don’t believe it’s one side or the other with nothing in between.

Nikki isn’t alone in her misguided, damaging, and deeply troubling behavior. There are a whole host of folks who are currently tripping over themselves to “clarify” and explain. Why? Because suddenly, it feels personal. It didn’t feel personal when it was poor BIPOC women. But when that shit is sitting on your doorstep, things start to feel a bit claustrophobic.

And I want to be clear, I’ve never had an issue with someone changing their mind. I’ve never begrudged someone from bumping straight into a differing perspective based on experiences that life has tossed their way. In fact, I would argue that’s the best part of us as humans- the ability to learn and grow and change. 

But what I know is that Ms. Haley’s “changes,” much that like of other women in her situation, do not come from a place of newly gained understanding or compassion. She hasn’t had her eyes opened or her heart cracked wide. Oh no. Ms. Haley is plagued with a different kind of infestation. Pure, unadulterated selfishness. She wants to modify the law because she is suddenly afraid that her life, and the lives of those in her direct circle, could be negatively impacted.

And to that, I don’t say: crack on Nikki, learn, grow, live, learn. 

Rather, I say: GO FUCK YOURSELF.

Sincerely,

A Woman Who Cares About All Women, All the Time

xo

P.S. Even you, Nikki. I hope you find your way, one day. I just hope it’s far the fuck away from a political seat in this country that I love so dearly.