Optimistic, but Fragile.

I felt real fucking salty when I woke up this morning to a flurry of messages for International Women’s Day. I’m not even sure where to begin, to be honest. Well, I guess I’ll start here…

I was speaking with a close friend yesterday about future professional aspiration. I was sharing that I had been to an industry event and there was a gentleman who spoke, who actually moderated a panel, who shared that his CEO was a woman. He sang her praises and I shared with my friend that I found his open adoration and respect compelling. I have a pretty decent bullshit radar (unless I’m looking to date someone), and what he said felt genuine. I wondered out loud what it would be like to work in a place where a woman held such a tremendous position of power and further, folks respected her for it.

My friend responded in a way that surprised me, but not in a meaningful way. Let me share what she said (paraphrased because my brain is mush from the week) and then I can explain my mixed response. She kindly shared with me that she didn’t think that she’d ever want to work for a woman again given her experiences.

Oof.

Think on that for a moment. First ponder the notion that my friend is someone who believes in women. She is a smart, hard-working human who believes in the advancement and support of women in a professional setting. She, like me, enjoys men, but certainly doesn’t think they are the end all, be all. Halvsies, if you will. Or 51%, 49%, with us ladies edging out the other side.

So, how can a strong woman who believes in women want to avoid working for a woman like the GD plague?

Easy. She’s been burned, badly. As have I. On multiple occasions.

Let me be clear, men have fucked me over at work too, and far worse than women. BUT it feels worse when it’s a woman. There, I said it. It feels shittier when it’s one of the tribe. It doesn’t just feel bad. It feels like a betrayal.

It stings because all you can think is: how can you NOT know? How is it that you don’t want to do better?

This is just one example of what’s been plaguing me on the woman front. There is also the absurd and dangerous campaign against bodily autonomy [for women] waged by the right-wing nut bags in this Country. I’ve talked about this already, but I am scared. Truly. I don’t rest my laurels on my coastal living situation. I don’t believe myself to be in the safety zone. I also don’t care less about the situation given any perceived safety.

And the worst offenders? Women. And I don’t just mean the horror shows who have been vocal about their support for the overturn of Roe v. Wade. I mean the women who are now losing their shit (we already know how I feel about Nikki) because they were all rah-rah about stepping women back into the stone ages but are now realizing the full implications with this recent foray into legislation related to IVF. The hypocrites who are still unwilling to speak to the danger of this rhetoric but are conveniently carving out the bits that might garner them criticism from the ladies-who-lunch crowd at their next pre-junior prom gathering.

Am I saying that women are shit?

God no. I love women. I do. I do think that we are complicated creatures. We are nuanced. We come from different backgrounds. We have had different upbringings. We have varying cultures and religions and personalities. We have different vibes. Therefore, it’s a logical conclusion that there is no automatic gelling just based on our gender.

With. That. Said.

Men are doing a better job. There, I said it. Men, all different men, seem to have a better understanding of holding the line.

Why?

Why can’t we figure this out?

Shit, I wish I could tell you that. I wish I knew. If I did, I could solve some real issues in my life. Work issues. Friendship issues. All sorts of issues.

I’m not suggesting that we should all be homogenous. Hell no. That is completely contrary to what we are looking to accomplish. Right? We are not one-size-fits-all.  

I’m just saying that the end of the day, maybe we can hold the line a little better.

And no, I don’t mean reposting meaningful memes on this day of women. I mean the real stuff.

I mean the benefit of the doubt.

I mean having someone’s back.

I mean being willing to consider a point of view that might be different.

I mean having compassion.

I mean being kinder.

I mean making space.

I mean being courageous for the sake of another woman.

I think we can get there but we really have to start being honest with each other. We really have to start calling each other out and leading the charge and doing all the necessary things that enable forward movement.

We cannot avoid talking about issues like abortion because they feel challenging and we are afraid. We cannot avoid watching the news and expressing our feelings on bodily autonomy for women because it’s depressing and charged. We have to dive in. We have to get dirty. We have to be forceful. We have to scream. We have to demand different, demand better. We have to vote. We have to move away from supporting those who do NOT support us, or do so with half measure. We have to continue to want more, even in the face of getting less. We have to care, even when our shores are protected, because others’ shores are beyond vulnerable. We have to stop asking how we can do better when we know, and we have to just do better.

I was on a call today and someone was talking about a particular sector of the market and they referred to it as ‘optimistic but fragile.’

I fucking loved it. I’m not sure if the market can appropriately be described as such, but the future of women? Yes.

100%, yes.

Optimistic but fragile.

Let’s fucking go.

X

L.