A few years ago, or perhaps a few more than that, I had the great pleasure of meeting a group of young women called the South Woods Warriors. My mother was a middle school teacher for many years until she retired, and during her tenure as a teacher, she pulled together a group of young people who were interested in community service and activism. These young people became the group known as the South Woods Warriors. The introduction that was made was pointed and deliberate. I was to write something on bullying for the group to use when speaking to elementary school kids.
I wrote a poem. I don’t remember the poem now, but I still remember the feeling I had when I witnessed this incredible group of young women reading my words to a room filled with rapt, impressionable faces. I remember feeling proud. Proud of myself, proud of them, proud of mom. I remember thinking how that is the kind of work that changes the world. It’s small but also, quite big. The biggest kind of big. The kind of big that sneaks up on you and fills you to the brim with feelings of hope and kindness and compassion.
My mother retired and shortly thereafter COVID hit and smack dab in the middle, we found ourselves engaged with some of the Warriors again, via Zoom. They were still the loveliest of humans, and they were suffering, at a time where everyone was suffering. And mom and I wanted to hear about it, and support them, and encourage their continued journey on a path to becoming social activists in whatever way spoke to them.
The work we did, the work that they did, was fantastic. We were proud. So proud. And some stuck around and some went their own way. Two in particular stuck around in a way that changed my life. Esther and Kendall. Speaking of things I’ll never forget: I’ll always remember when Esther told me and mom that she wanted to start a podcast. She asked if we could help, and she mentioned that she had another Warrior who was interested in participating, Kendall.
And that is the birth story of Conversations for Change, a podcast that I’ve had the deep pleasure of being a part of since 2021. I’m so very proud of the work that we’ve done with CfC. We started with conversations with each other, and branched out to guests in short order. We’ve tackled racism and sexism and mental health. I’ve learned so much, but more importantly, I’ve grown my heart the size of one Kendall and one Esther.
When I speak of young people that will change the world, these young women come to mind. They are brilliant and funny and kind and compassionate. They are curious and thoughtful and generous in spirit. Their imperfections are delicious and their insecurities unbased. I’ve seen them grow and refine their voices and their presence, where mom and I spend quite a bit of time kvelling. We are just a small part of their story, but we both hope to be a forever part. We want to see where they go and how they shape the spaces around them for the better.
We sat across from them for a meal and I could feel my heart expanding the width of my ribs as I considered their journey from high school to college. I have such unwavering faith in them and still, I want to protect them, to keep them safe, from a world that has so wounded and disappointed me in so many ways. There was so much emotion that I had a hard time sorting out what to say next. We asked about prom dresses and college choices. We asked about classmates and summer plans. We asked about graduation and everything else future, without dwelling on future.
I told them that college matters so much and yet, not at all. That they should choose what makes them happy, because in the end, that is really all that matters. Happiness. I tried to temper my advice so as to not alienate or overwhelm.
And so, I decided to craft this entry, this piece, for them. My dearests- Kendall and Esther. My sweet girls. My sweeter almost women. This, is a love letter, from me, to you. These are all the things I wanted to say and couldn’t say and will say now.
People will be mean and substandard. They will also be amazing and surprising.
What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger, but you will feel every inch of that comeback.
No one will give a shit what electives you took. Take basket weaving if it lights your heart on fire.
Someone once told me that the thing that differentiates a gold medal winner from a silver is sweating the small stuff. Pay attention to the small stuff. Don’t sweat it, but notice it, harness it, and use it.
Lead with your strengths, but never apologize for your weaknesses.
Remember that Sus gave you permission to make thirty-three mistakes a day. Don’t beat yourself up for one. Wait until you get to thirty-four, and then, find forgiveness in your heart, still.
Everyone has bad days. Give yourself permission to feel bad, but don’t stay there.
No one gets an award for winning at college. Just work hard (as I know you will) and try and enjoy yourselves.
Don’t rush anything. Life is long, but also, short. Savor the moments. Cherish them.
Don’t be afraid to say no- to anything and anyone. If your heart is telling you no, say NO and mean it.
But also, be brave. Don’t be brave expecting the fear to melt away. Be courageous in the face of your fears. Pushing through my terror has allowed me to experience some of the most magical moments of my life.
Don’t be afraid to need people (I was, for too long), but also, learn how to be okay on your own. You are whole humans as you are- and you don’t need to be completed by another human.
Try that food you’ve always hated. Your palates will grow over time. I can barely remember a day where I hated eggplant.
Don’t cave to pressure. Ever. If someone wants you to do something that badly, it’s not good for you. Only do the things that align with your soul growth.
Eat the fucking cookie. What do I mean? Find balance in all things. You don’t need to be skinny. You don’t need to be obsessive. You need to be healthy. Feed your body what it needs. Sometimes that’s an apple and sometimes that’s a cookie. Dysfunction grows like fungus in college. Find balance amongst the instability.
Read for fun. Anything. Blogs. Social media posts. Novels. News. Even when you feel like you can’t read another thing, read something that’s not required.
Social media is a curated highlight reel. All of it. Even the kind that hasn’t been invented yet and you’ll know how to master before I can even secure a user name and password. Don’t judge yourself or others based on social media. Don’t even base your opinion on what people say. Pay attention to what they do, always. In real life. IRL. Whatever the kids say these days.
Stay kind. Your sweetness is the thing I love most about both of you. Don’t let the world take that from you. Some days I wish I wasn’t such a marshmallow. Things would hurt less. But then, I would also feel less. Love less. Care less. No thank you. Stay kind. Always.
Be honest. Don’t kill people with candor, but be forthright. You can be people pleasers if that makes your heart sing, but always consider the cost. Are you losing more than you are gaining? Are people taking advantage? Are you choosing someone else’s happiness for the price of yours?
When you feel like you can’t breathe, step outside. Connect with nature. Take a walk. Lay down in a pile of leaves. Let the cold burn your lungs. Let the sun warm your cheeks. Text me or Sus or both of us. We will tell you how we are proud of you, and love you both, infinitely.
Change the world just like we know you can, know that you will. In all the little ways and all the big ways.
We are so proud of you.
I am so goddamn proud of you, both.
I will miss you like mad.
Love you to the moon.
Best of luck on this next part of your journey.
X
L.
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