I almost rolled my eyes at myself when I started writing this one. So many humans are commenting on the man versus bear discussion. So many. Need I be one more? I mean, yes. I have to be. I didn’t want to be, but then a friend brought the story up to me this morning. She was hearing about it for the first time. She listened to a news or perhaps a current events show where they talked about this trending situation. Apparently, there was a male commentator who noted that it was remarkable that women were choosing bears over men, because, well, a bear can kill you. My friend shared that she was thinking the same thing as the tale unfolded for her. My immediate response without thinking was as follows: “Well, a man can surely kill you, and honestly, I’ve been in the woods with bears “around” and I’d choose that every day over being alone with a man in a forest.”
The strange bit is that I don’t know if I was thinking about my physical safety in that exact moment. Yes, as a woman who has hiked alone and run alone and dined alone and traveled alone, I often think about my physical safety at any given time. I think about the worst of the worst- the predator- and I also think about the pest. The interloper. The interrupter. The man who thinks that because you are alone, you are desiring of their special kind of company.
And don’t get me wrong- meeting new people is one of my favorite parts of traveling. I love hearing about other people’s journeys and lives and adventures. That said, I’m particular about when and how that engagement happens and I’m not always keen for it to happen in the middle of the wilderness.
Anyway, my personal views aren’t really the biggest part of all of this. Not even close. My issue is really surrounding the commentary and observations that are related to this whole viral issue. In fact, I’d like to start with the male commentator who my friend was listening to. Remember that his first response was to observe that a bear can indeed kill a woman.
I don’t want to lob a crusade against men here. I don’t. In fact, I’m far more terrified of women in this country these days. Most of the outspoken humans who are leading the charge in removing bodily autonomy for women or banning books (or pick an offensive censoring/control story) are humans who identify as women. I don’t want to get down a rabbit hole here, but I will note that I’m honestly not sure if they are willing pawns or unwitting participants, or legitimately self-loathing, and I’m not sure that matters. I mean, it does from a bigger picture standpoint, but granularly, this is just a whole slew of women standing at podiums (school boards, town halls, etc.), screaming how we should keep our children and women steeped in ignorance and while we are at it- let’s throw women back in the kitchen and knock ‘em up (but deliberately, and if something goes wrong, let them be miserable or die over dealing with an unwanted pregnancy- and bonus points for domestic violence or horrendous situations that women are supposed to just push through and get over for the good of cells). Yeah, I’m pissed off. That’s the truth. I’m super grumpy about all of it. But, I don’t want to get stuck here, at all. I just wanted to explain that I’m not a man hater and that’s not at all where I’m coming from. People are shitty, generally.
Let’s go back for a hot second: my issue is that the initial response or reaction is to discredit the opinion of the women who are sharing it, in earnest. The first bit of feedback from a judgmental public is to say that the women are not carefully considering the question in the way that they should. The knee jerk is to say that they have missed important elements of the analysis, or worse, that they are responding in a way that is meant to stir the pot, and get people riled.
In other words, there seems to be a view that the women are responding that they’ve rather hang with a bear in the woods simply to be bold and audacious about an issue, and not because they actually feel that way.
What an absurd notion.
Are there some people that will respond to evoke a particular reaction? Sure. That goes for any social media hosted experiment. Is that everyone? No, I don’t believe it is. I mean, I’ve already shared what my thoughts are- and I err on the side of saying I’ll choose a bear every day of the week. Maybe instead of saying that these women are lying or not carefully considering all of the facts, we could give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe we can collectively respect the view and instead, decide that we want to understand better why women feel so unsafe around men.
I think I may have shared this at another time, but I saw a post on social media recently whereas a man asked a woman (snarkily) what she would have to be scared of if there were no men around. His tone and approach suggested that he was trying to highlight drama and overreactions. Her response? Nothing. Without men around, there would be nothing to worry about.
I read an article on The Tab where women were asked a similar question. They were faced with answering what they would do if there were no men on Earth for 24 hours. Their responses? Go for night walks. Be confident on social media. Wear an “actual” bathing suit at the beach. Leave drinks unattended. Go to parties solo. Be more trusting.
Man, that hurts to read. It does. And I think it’s really easy to make men villains and speak about how feminism is ruining the world. Except that it’s not true. Except that it’s utter nonsense. Except that we are still undervalued and underpaid and overworked and told that we don’t have the intelligence and strength and wherewithal to make informed decisions about our own flesh and blood and bones.
So, yes, those two things can exist on the same plain. We can agree that women are not only being subject to some progress reversal right now, but also, are vocalizing fears and concerns and issues that they’ve struggled with for a long time. We can also agree that there are some really good men out there, and some really shit women. There are liars and fakers and exaggerators, and also, people who are scared and harmed.
We’ve seen what happens when we ignore. We’ve seen what happens when we belittle. We’ve seen what happens when we don’t try and engage in meaningful dialogue about important issues.
Catastrophe. Really. Worse than ever.
Instead of thinking that it sounds crazy for a woman to be more comfortable around a bear or think her ignorant when it comes to wildlife, perhaps we can just pause and ask: why?
And then, when she explains, we can begin to break down what we can change. Not just men. Not just women. Not non-binary. All of us. Together.
Women aren’t generally crazy or hysterical. They are just tired, and terrified.
Doesn’t that matter?
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