An old friend, or perhaps an acquaintance, recently posted something mildly derogatory about “liberals.” I’ve stayed mostly silent in the face of such things, for a few reasons. First and most pointedly, I think that social media battles are not the most effective methods for meaningful communication. I’m not sure what changed things for me. It may have been post-marathon exhaustion, or pre-election fatigue, or more of the same.
So yeah, I responded. But perhaps not in the way that you think I did. I simply responded: “Not me. Not this liberal.” My only thought was to offer the perspective that there are people that don’t fit the paradigm she was promoting by reposting a meme. She wrote back, not unkindly, and then, I did the same. It was a brief but respectful dialogue. The main theme I was trying to convey how toxic generalizations tend to be, when it comes to politics or anything else for that matter. Surprisingly (particularly after sharing a meme that did just that), she agreed, and shared that she feels frustrated when she is assumed to be pro-life given her status as a conservative voter. She concluded her statements by sharing that maybe she needs to consider the path of a single-issue voter.
I left our back and forth at that statement (well, plus some well wishes and a promise to catch up), but my brain couldn’t stop churning after I stepped away from my phone. Isn’t the very problem that we have too many single-issue voters? Isn’t the very conundrum and threat to our democracy that individuals are hanging their hat on ONE issue and absolutely shutting out and down every other piece of information in front of them?
I am actually going to make a bolder statement and share that I think we are single-issue humans when it comes to nearly everything we encounter and I think it’s a destructive approach to, well, anything. Our world is so nuanced, so gray- how can we possible hold fast to one issue and say that it’s THE thing?
Don’t get me wrong. I think there are threshold issues and considerations. I think we are faced with certain make or break items that we have to decide are non-negotiables for us. And still, I don’t think that means moving forward in a myopic fashion. I don’t believe that we have to shut out all other bits of information and decide something in a black hole or a vacuum. Even when it makes our decision more complicated, I think we always need the benefit of context.
I don’t think we need to say that I’m voting for this candidate because of _____ and I don’t give a shit what they think about anything else. I think we need to examine that important issue and then weigh it against all the other information we have and intelligently conclude whether that issue still rules the day. It’s not wavering to think more broadly. It’s not weak. I actually think it’s a sign of greater emotional intelligence.
Once we have all of the information in front of us, we get to say, I know about this and this and this, and I don’t love those things, but I also know about these two other things and they are incredibly important and so, I need to consider, carefully.
I’ve talked about this before, but we feel so much more comfortable in black and white. This or that. Yes or no. Forward or backwards. But life is not that simple. I mean, we can make it that basic, but that’s a dangerous road to travel down. That’s what I affectionately term willful ignorance.
You don’t need to make a big declaration about anything. You don’t have to fully subscribe. You don’t have to be all in. You just have to collect all the information and make a decision that feels right for you.
I can feel really bummed that a friend is choosing fiscal conservatism and loyalty to party over women’s rights and equality and gun control, but if all of that information is considered and digested and the same conclusion reached, I have more respect for that decision.
I have an easier time swallowing that decision, even if I don’t agree with it, if it’s made without false information and generalizations and well, prolific and inaccurate memes. I feel safer if the decision is made from a place that is filled with knowledge and heart. I fear decisions made with exclusions carved out for rationality and compassion. I fear decisions based on wild speculation and assumptions and the worst kind of fear.
I have, over the course of my life, made my own grandiose determinations. I’ve been dramatic and narrow and quick to judge and act. I’ve also learned that those are my worst decisions. I don’t stick to them, generally, and when I do, I tend to suffer. Horrifically. Or, those around me do as a result of my decisions and actions.
Sometimes we need to take a moment. That’s not a moment where you have to change your mind in every single instance. That is not a moment where you need to obsess over how people are going to see your decision or worry about how they’ll judge you. Rather, that is moment where you get to feel as sure of your decision as is possible. That is a moment where you understand that there are no absolutes, but there is a space where you can feel as close to 90% as possible.
I think we spend too much time shutting out relevant information. I think we spend too much time caring about ourselves to the detriment of our fellow humans. I think we spend too much time believing every single piece of “news” put in front of us. I think we spend too much time thinking that we are exempt from the consequences we feel comfortable with others suffering. I think we spend too much time worried about that one thing.
I’m not suggesting you worry about everything. I’m just asking that you think about more than one thing and imagine how your one thing fits into that puzzle. That’s all.
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