I read the comments several times, and then I Google’d. I did. I took the time to look up posts that picked up on the insanity I was bearing witness to. I was going to just keep on moving through, but then, someone started a thread about her nipples. Not, like “wow, they are beautiful, what a goddess” but a series of comments and scads of commentary about how they were visible. Are visible. Now, in the after.
Sorry, I feel like I jumped into the middle here without sufficient context. I’m all fired up and sometimes when that happens, I’m not sure how to steer properly. And then I end up spinning in circles and starting my story dead in the center.
Let me try again.
There is an influencer. You might know her. I’m not sure. I’m not going to name her because that would defeat the entire point of this post. It doesn’t matter, at all. I follow her for style. I don’t care for much of her content, as I’m pretty far removed from the life she leads, but it’s amusing enough.
I was just talking to a friend about this the other day. Sort of. I was mentioning how I have difficulty with some of the content that’s floating around streaming services and social media these days. I don’t take things too seriously when it comes to entertainment. To the contrary, I want to escape. I want to feel free. I don’t mind anything stimulating that gets my brain working or even something that gives me the heebie jeebies, but I need small doses of, well, everything.
With that thinking in mind, I don’t mind scrolling through nonsense. Silliness. Pretty clothing and jewelry and food and places to visit and cute animals and lovely sunsets. I don’t think that fact makes me less substantive. I have many moments where I believe I exhibit depth, of character and interest. Sometimes, I just need to disconnect and ponder the purchase of a batwing sleeve sweater, or the visit to a coffee shop that fashions famous characters in milk foam.
That is where this influencer comes in. I am not going to make a judgment regarding her character. To the contrary, I don’t know the first fucking thing about her. She could be a lovely, fascinating human or a total bag of shit. I haven’t seen anything I have found too egregious such that I’ve disconnected from her content. There’s a lot of high heels and fabulous jackets and occasionally, a special place to eat in New York City.
Though I’m loathe to mention this, it’s meaningful here. So- she’s quite thin. It appears to be natural (family and all) and she’s addressed this on many occasions. I cannot attest to whether she is telling the truth, but my gut says yes. She’s just a teeny human. Anyway, it appears that she recently treated herself to a breast augmentation. I mentioned her stature and frame, because the augmentation was a bit more noticeable for this reason.
Do you want to know my response to that little bit of stimulating news? Who the fuck cares?! Really. I mean, what does it matter what’s going on with her tatas?
I imagine her body changed after having children and she felt compelled to do something that made her happier with her appearance. I imagine she has the resources to do so. Great. Good for her. I truly, swear to God, do not give a shit.
Do I think that women need to be super skinny? Absolutely not. Do I think women need big breasts to be womanly or attractive? Absolutely not. Do I give a shit if someone is skinny and has smaller breasts or bigger breasts or something in between? Nope. Do I think that messaging is important? Sure. Yes. With that said, I can see how someone might look at her posts and think, oh shit, if she was unhappy with her body, what must people think of mine? That could be a truth and I understand that perspective.
I can also wrap my arms around the notion that someone might be put off by her silence. Her apparent unwillingness to flat-out speak to the changes that she had made to her person. They might equate that omission with an untruth or a shame factor or something else entirely. I get it.
I also think that we’ve come to a critical and challenging juncture in our society where our expectations of humans have turned into something quite monstrous. I hear people say a lot that someone has chosen a more public life and therefore, their life is subject to widespread scrutiny. Furthermore, they (they, being those who have chosen a more public existence) have an obligation to be transparent in a way that others do not.
I don’t agree. At all. Do I think there’s such a thing as accountability? Yes. I think that folks with an audience should be mindful of their words and messages. I do. However, I don’t think that means that anyone owes us anything. I don’t think that people aren’t entitled to any private life or personal events. I just don’t. I think that kind of thinking is invasive and quite frankly, dangerous.
Anyway, let’s get back to the heart of the matter. Or more pointedly, the fleshy (or saline) bits layered over the heart (ish).
People were virtually slamming this woman. Truly. There were discussions about the size of the implants, the appearance of her nipples, the outfits she is wearing since getting this purported surgery, etc. I was more and more horrified with every word I read.
Come on. We know I can talk some shit, so I’m not ever going to sit here and tell you, whilst sitting on a papery thin throne, that I condemn all who talk about others. I believe in mindfulness and kindness, but also, we are humans. Humans talk, or more specifically, gossip. I get it. I’ve done it.
I guess I couldn’t believe the balls. I just couldn’t believe how boldly and explicitly and unkindly people were speaking about her, basically to her. On her social media.
So, keeping in mind that we all chitty chat from time to time, here’s my thought to ponder: Why?
Who gives a fuck that she got breast implants? Unless you want to tell her that she looks fucking fabulous or that you commend her body autonomy and decision to do something that, in theory, makes her feel good- why say anything at all? You want to talk about her nipples? Sure- text a girlfriend. I mean, this feels weird as shit to me, but still, text your girlfriend and send her a photo and point out another woman’s body and criticize it. Sigh. Go for it.
I don’t think that particular behavior is going to do ANYTHING for you at all but knock your socks off. But, for the love of everything sacred, keep that shit to yourself from a public commenting standpoint. There is no reason to post your feelings where this woman, her friends and family, and thousands of other strangers can pour over your sentiments.
Be the bigger person. Find something else to captivate you. Get the fuck over it.
I guess I’m just confused how we are going to make a great case for equity and body autonomy and kindness when we are too busy being shitty. You know? Be human. Get catty sometimes. But please, keep it small. Work it through and then move on. You don’t need to write a sonnet about another woman’s nipples. Not unless you plan to paint them and hang it in a gallery where we can all stand around and say, oh damn, those are some lovely areolas.
Please. Let’s stop this shit. Really.
Have a good weekend.
Also, worry about your own tits, or abundance, or lack thereof, or something else altogether (like homelessness, LGBTQ+ rights, the upcoming elections…..).
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